Telling Friends and Family that I am Planning to Have Gastirc Bypass Surgery

Thank you for putting this post up, and thanks for all the replies.  I will be having RNY soon and was not going to tell anyone. Reading all the replies has given me ideas on how to deal with the world and all their questions.

Remember you are doing this for you not anyone else. Tell people who will support you. You have to tell your partner. Explain to him that you have to do this for your health. Maybe take him to an appointment and the doctor can explain what's going on. Don't keep it from him. 

Best Wishes to you. 

Hi Melissa,

I had my first appointment with my surgeon today. I have thought about having this surgery for a few years now. The only thing that stopped me then was $$$. Now that I have United Health Care and they are paying 100% I am EXCITED!!

At first I was a little worried too about the reactions I would get once I told people. The real critics (which I thought would be) were my kids. My son seems to think that if I just commit myself to a good wholesome diet and exercise regimen then I will be ok. My youngest daughter doesn't agree with it because she just don't like the idea of surgeries. It don't matter to her whether it is self motivated or medically necessary. My middle daughter ( my GEM) thinks its great as long as I am sure this is what I want to do. She only wants me to be positive this is the route I am willing to travel to regain my health. My husband is on board also. I think he is on board simply because he knows there is nothing he can say that would deter me from doing something I am so passionate about doing.  As far as other people goes, yes I have told numerous people and there has been a mixture of responses. Some that support me and some that think its "the easy way out", some that are worried if I will be able to commit the rest of my life to the changes needed to keep the weight off once its gone. Well my response to the "easy way outs", if it was such an easy way out then, why is it so hard to maintain the weight loss after the surgery? If its so easy, why am I going under a knife and removing or rearranging my internal parts? If its so easy, why are there so many that fail at it? Doesn't seem like an "EASY WAY OUT" to me!! To all my "worriers" i responded as such. Don't worry, I committed to gaining all this weight and wrecking my health so this should be a breeze. Don't worry, If I fail it will be my body that has been cut up for nothing. Don't worry, If I fail and regain then I will have to face myself each time I look into the mirror.

Basically, its your decision Melissa. Its your decision whether to tell anyone before or after. The only one(s) you need approval from is (1) Yourself

(2) Your Doctor

(3) Your Insurance

(4) Your Hubby

Now if your hubby isn't on board with it, that's ok too. I think you should let him know. I think you should also explain to him that your not only doing this for YOURSELF first, but for him and your kids. When he ask you how are you doing it for him and the kids? Tell him that if you don't get the surgery and lose the weight needed, then you chance losing your life. Then he will not only be alone as in a widower but alone to raise the kids.

What ever you decide Melissa let it be your honest decision. Remember You have to live with it. I wish you all the luck. I hope this time next year you and I will be on this forum exchanging photos of the NEW US!!!

I told my partner today, he has many concerns but his is open to it and is t being critical the way I thought he would be. I'm excited and relieved. One step at a time :)

Hi Melissa,

My story sounds very similar to yours - I didn't want to tell anyone that I was having a Lap-Band surgery because I felt like they would judge me for taking 'the easy way out'.  I told select family (who I am sure told others) and none of my co-workers besides my boss, to explain my absence from work. I have to say there is NO WAY that you can do this without the support of your significant other.  I could not have gone through the process without him there. He came with me to ALL of the appointments, including the nutritionist (which was the most helpful).  He knows me, so was able to ask tough questions that I wouldn't have thought of, which was invaluable.

You need to tell your S.O. and hopefully getting his help along the way! Plus, recovery on your own is darn near impossible.

I'm at about the same point as you in this journey and just tonight told a small group of three girlfriends and I didn't quite get the result I had hoped for.  They've been friends with me long enough to see my weight increase over the years and at nearly 400 pounds I thought for sure they would understand why I would come to this decision. They have all had their own weight struggles at one point or another, but at some point in all of their lives they've been thin and have lost weight through diet and exercise.  I have always been the fattest person by over 100 pounds.  They all focused on the negatives and how everyone they know who has had surgery has had complications or gained all their weight back.  One even said I wouldn't look right thin because I'm tall (lol as if that makes aNY sense at all).  I will do this no matter what anyone thinks.  And you should too, for you, for your kids.

I think you can't let what people think bother you.  It's weird to feel like you aren't being supported, but I think some people just can't wrap their heads around something so drastic. If someone truly loves you they will support you even if they don't agree with your choices.