Cross post--What to say? The family reunion variation on the theme ...

I have read several threads on OH about what to say when people ask about your weight loss. I take all that advice in. But now I am facing it all for real, myself. And I need a few reminders, and a little self confidence going into . . . the dreaded multi-day family reunion.

At the end of this week, I will spend 3 days with my family: my parents, 5 siblings, and the children and grandchildren of my siblings. I have lost just over 70 pounds. I have told some family members about my WLS, but not others. I have seen some family members since my surgery, and have not seen others.

I hate being a topic of conversation; I hate feeling judged. My family are nice people in general, but of course we have our issues.

All of my siblings have struggled with their weight. We have all had varying degrees of success and relapse over the years. By last year, I was definitely the biggest of the 6 siblings.

I am especially concerned about what I will hear from one of my brothers, and how to respond to him. He can be really judgmental, and he offers much unsolicited advice. Even his "supportive" words feel icky. He sees himself as the Great Wise One, and he does not realize how cutting his comments are, how small they can make you feel.

I feel I need to "come clean" at the reunion. Mostly I just want to be there and not have to discuss my weight or my appearance in any way. But I am certain it will come up, and I must not keep secrets in this setting.

Thoughts? 

I think it helps to have a script in your head. Mine is "I decided to have weight loss surgery last year. I still have to work hard and do the right thing. Before I would try to eat healthy and do the right things but nothing would happen, now at least I am seeing results." or some variation of that.  I don't always say I had surgery unless people ask. Often I will just say "Thank you." I do not generally tell people how much I lost, and I certainly wouldn't bring it up in a crowd. I tell a few close friends. When people ask I either just say "alot' or "I made a decision that I wasn't going to share the number" and sometimes I add..."maybe I will share it when I hit a milestone"

Good Luck, I am sure after the first day people won't keep asking...

Thank you so much for this.  I read it, then had to prep for travel before responding.  I will give a little follow up summary below.  

You'll end up feeling foolish if you try to hide anything. If you told a few, the secret is out. You're doing great, and feeling great, so let them know that. If someone is a sourpuss, that's their problem, not yours.

Flaunt it.

I really appreciated this straightforward reality check.  And I loved the idea of flaunting it.  It made me laugh. I have never flounced or flaunted anything in my life!  Time to start.  I will write a post-mortem below.  Thanks Grim. 

Just a heads up, you may receive a very cold reaction.  No one may say anything.  My husband's family did this to me and it wasn't to spare my feelings.  (They are usulally very opinionated and not shy to say what they feel) They are all very large people and were angry I am successful at my weight loss.  They refuse to acknowledge my loss and barely talk to me.  This isn't the typical response but be aware it may happen.

I really thank you for this heads up. I did find that some people seemed not to notice, and I was glad to be prepared for that.  I think it was out of respect.  

I am lucky enough to have a family that I was able to be very open about the whole issue of weight loss surgery. Of course, I have A LOT of weight to lose. If any of my family has had any judgement over the issue, they have kept it to themselves... and of course if any of my sisters heard anything bad about me, they would have beat that person up!  LOL

Anyway, after losing 70 lbs, you must feel better! And like others have said, if you told one person, they all know! Just be honest, if people have questions, answer them honestly. And, if your brother has judgmental comments, just let it roll off. He is not living your life; you are. 

Try to be as positive as possible. And, if obesity is a family issue, there may be less judgement than you think. Because we all know that everyone who has a problem with obesity, has thought about WLS.

Thank you for this reply.  I had to pack and go before responding.  I did really strive to be open if asked, and positive.  Ad I do,feel that at least one brother (and his wife) were genuinely interested...both for my sake and for his.

I hope that you really don't feel like you have to "come clean". You had WLS you aren't telling them you will soon be seen on "To Catch A Predator".

I think others are correct in having a script and the fact that if you told some family members then most (if not all) the others know too. Practice what you want to say to people. It will probably feel silly but if you have someone to role play with you all the better. If not use a mirror.

You will feel that people are watching what you eat. After surgery I would look at what people had on their plate and grow queasy. Mostly because I knew that I not only would have eaten that much but more. Then I realized that people may be watching me...but I'm watching them. It's my little secret. And actually, it's what really bothers them to begin with I think. It's amazing to almost everyone when they see how little a person can live on and, if eating the right foods, survive quite nicely.

And as for the brother with the "just for your own good" advice...a script for him is going to be very important. Know exactly what you want to say when he starts so that you can nip it in the bud.

Welcome to one of the most uncomfortable tasks I had to face after WLS. Setting boundaries. It was a whole new world for me. But you can do it! You can survive the family reunion and come out even stronger! :-() Have a good time!