Why is my body public domain now?

cheapskate
on 6/29/15 8:36 am
RNY on 03/30/15

I am really having troubles at work. People seem to think my body is their property...to the point somebody poked my belly like I was the Pillsbury Dough Girl!!!! I think they are intending it as a compliment but I would love any input on how to deal with it. I have already gotten "you are wasting away" UHHHHHHHH, I am still OBESE. 

I am polite to a fault and dont really know how to deal with it. I am not open about my surgery so addressing that isnt something I am going to talk about. I also HATE to be touched. People(women) have touched my butt, my wasit and my belly and thy also fel free to comment on my smaller breast size....UGH!

kbmerritt84
on 6/29/15 9:10 am
with

Tell them to **** off!  Grab their hand when they touch you and tell them 'my body is not yours and thus it is not your right or priveledge to touch it or comment. thank you"

H.A.L.A B.
on 6/29/15 9:17 am

ugh.. I feel your pain... 

maybe you can talk to a therapist and she/he can help you set up healthy boundaries with people... 

a few lines that I found helpful when someone gets too friendly

" I know you don't mean anything bad by that, but  XYZ makes me very uncomfortable, please don't do  (or say)  that.

"I find that comment offensive" and walk away

"that question; comment is too personal, don't you think?" (and walk away) 

on question "how much have you lost for far?" "I am not sure, I stop keeping track of that. Btw - what are you doing, looks like you are shaping up, no?" (divert attention to the other person)

and so on... 

for worst offenders - direct approach when they touch you is to say "don't do that.  This is inappropriate behavior - I cna't belive you just "XXXxxx " (insert one" poked my belly, touch me like that, commented on my body like that". 

Also - when talking to a person like that - making sure you have a lot of physical space between you and them - back away from them, get around the desk, behind a chair.. etc.. 

One safe way to back away from someone for me is telling them that whatever perfume they wearing is irritation my lungs,... (gives me headache, etc.) 

 

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

Sarahakers11
on 6/29/15 9:34 am - Culpeper, VA
RNY on 06/04/13 with

Perhaps just inform them.  Its amazing what results you can get by not getting overly defensive but informing someone that its not okay and you understand they mean it as a compliment but you would rather the cycle of body being attached to your standing in the world.  I find the average person does not realize they are being offensive or that its bothering you and most when informed stop.  I also find if we come back as offensively nothing we say gets heard and lessons aren't learned people just become defensive in response.  I do agree with the anger or the earlier post cause it is NEVER okay for someone to touch you and it certainly elicits that kind of response.  If however you are able to respond with a courteous informational response it may sink in that its not okay with anyone not just you. Just a thought take what works leave the rest..I barely know what I am doing in the world so my opinions on others are pretty well worthless!

HW - 297  start of Pre-op - 290.2   SW- 279.2   GW - 145    

    The Depressed Hiker Blog

A middle aged over the hump and over what "I'm suppose to do" woman, with the wild spirit and a nasty case of depression and anxiety!

(deactivated member)
on 6/29/15 11:20 am

This is not right even if you are comfortable being touched. Sometimes people are so dumb with comments. I had someone say to me when is the rest of you going to come in the room. 

It's okay to put someone in their place. 

AmyDee123
on 6/29/15 11:47 am - Lutz, FL
RNY on 06/12/15

Tell them the weight loss is a side effect of the awfully contagious skin disease you contracted and that they may catch it if they touch you.  When shocked then tell them just kidding, but I do need personal space, please don't enter my bubble.  the first line will lighten the situation but make them think a moment.  then thank them and walk away.  You can also just get a shirt that says don't touch me.  I did that when pregnant.

LapBand Weight 460 (2006) | Panni Removal Weight 200 (2008) | 3rd kid (2009)
Revision to RNY Weight 355 (June 2015)

    

MickeyDee
on 6/29/15 4:32 pm
MickeyDee
on 6/29/15 4:34 pm

"Keep your hands to yourself" springs to mind.  Without the "thank you".  They are being rude, there's no reason for you to be polite.

Roma
on 6/29/15 11:36 am, edited 6/29/15 11:37 am
RNY on 06/15/15

 

Touching your body is a huge crossing of boundaries. They have no right to touch you for any reason especially in the workplace! The potential consequences for them could be massive if you decided to go to HR. I'm fuming on your behalf. 

I can't tell you what to do, but if the same thing happened to me,  I would look the person straight in the eye, and with a firm confident tone say: "Don't touch me". If they did it again there would be hell to pay!

Referral: 8/14; Orientation TWH: 12/14; Nurse: 01/15; SW, Dietician, Psych: 2/15; Surgeon: 5/15; RNY: June 15/2015

lynnc99
on 6/29/15 10:03 pm

Less is more. Great power lies in saying, "I can't believe you said that." or "I can't believe you did that."

Put the onus right on them, where it belongs. Inappropriate behavior is inappropriate behavior. 

Of course, you could always poke them back. 

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