I told two different people today that I am on the path to getting approved for weight loss surgery. My friend was very understanding and very supportive. The second was less so. She said PLEASE do not get this surgery, i can help you lose weight. You aren't even that big. this person does not know me very well, and this is even after I said i have a metabolic issue (and PCOS) to where I needed the surgery to successfully lose weight. She went on to tell me two people she knows had it and they gained all their weight back. I came home really angry at this person for providing her opinion where it wasn't asked. This leads me to the decision that I am not going to tell anyone else except very close people about this. Even my own mother said negative things about it and really pissed me off. My husband said I shouldn't be angry that it is in people's nature to act this way so I shouldn't take it personally.

What have been your experiences?

I had a similar situation.  I told a few people and one person told me I should not have the surgery because I would regain the weight.  I am admittedly a foodie which is why I needed the surgery to begin with.  I didn't tell another soul about it until after the surgery.  She made me doubt my decision and I felt like I didn't want anyone else in my head when I made my decision.  After the surgery I have told everyone who asks.  It is obvious that something drastic has happened and I see no sense in lying about it.  My daughter didn't even want me to have the surgery.  After I had it, she told me that she was happy that I got it because I am a much happier, healthier person.  You have to make the decision to tell or not tell, have the surgery or don't.  You need to be happy with the decisions you make.  It's a good time to focus on you!

First of all, your DH had wise advice...good job.  Here's a sampling of my experiences:  1.  my older sister had WLS seven years before me, has had complications, regrets and regain and hasn't spoken to me even once.  2.  a family member urged me to rethink WLS saying all it does is exchange one set of problems for a new set of problems--she has since given me the most plentiful compliments of anyone.  3.  I received a surprise bouquet of flowers from my husband's side of the family while in the hospital--it meant a lot since they come across as though my DH got a dud for a wife.  4.  my DH has been supportive the best he knows how.  5.  my two adult children have been happy for me.  6.  my mother, in her 80's, was okay pre-op but didn't seem to care for my new-found freedom that threatened her motherly control.  In the end, it boils down to being happy in your own skin, content with your decision, and finding inner-peace no matter what others say or think.   

The ONLY person who's support l did not have was my mother's.  She offered to come cook my meals for me to help me lose weight,  she lives over an hour away.  I have had no problems and l am now a healthy weight.,  she still is not supportive and doesn't like to hear about my NSV. 

The only negative I received was from people who were insecure in their own skin. I had surgery for ME. I really, seriously did not care what others thought

It is very hard to know who to tell, even after the surgery. Part of people being positive for the most part was me having a script in my head of what I said... and me being positive,...part of that being of course that I had seriously considered it, and it wasn't a rash decision. I had one person that was very negative and it was tough... I see her all the time, and for the most part, we don't talk about it.... she will give me a "how are you feeling" not a real discussion. I feel it has put a wedge in out relationship.

At this point if someone straight out asks me what I am doing ... if I have time to have a conversation with them, I will tell them... or I will just say "working hard"... which is true.

For me, I didn't tell anyone other than my family until two days before surgery.  I wrote a very long blog post explaining my whole life history with obesity, some of the specific problems I've had (medical and self-esteem), and explained that I was having surgery 1. to help my diabetes, 2. to be here for my daughter and 3. to have a better quality of life.  I also talked in depth about the procedure I was having, the risks, and how my life would change afterward.  I emailed this to everyone at work, everyone in my personal address book, and posted a link on facebook.  I told them that if they wanted to know why I was doing this, to please read the blog post, and then I'd be happy to discuss it with anyone.  I think it really helped to stop a lot of those negative comments before they ever hit me.  The whole time I've only had one person say anything negative, and I think it's because he's jealous, and he's the biggest one now.  

It seems like everyone has heard about at least one horror story, because these are the things that grab people's attention.  It's like the evening news:  people get fixated on negative news, and they lose interest for positive.  

Try to educate your family and close friends, and hopefully they'll be supportive.  But even if they're not, you know you're doing the right thing for yourself and your family.  Anytime you need a pick-me-up, you've got a whole website here ready to help out!

I opted not to tell people who didn't need to know until post-op, that way they wouldn't feel the need to change my mind.  

I'd work on coming up with a script and use it every single time.  Something like, "Thanks for your input, I've made my decision with the advice of my medical team.  How about the latest episode of Game of Thrones?"  

Then use that script EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Eventually the person will get the hint.  

Complication can happen. Regain can happen. 

I had the RNY... If I knew then what I know now, I would not have it. 

I developed many food allergies and intolerance. Maintaining is very hard. I feel like I am on a very strict diet. 

I still have to make sure I take my vitamins, and minerals. I need B12 shots once a week. And so on.  

The difference between preop and now - if I "cheat "on my diet, I get very ill, in pain, .....and I gain weight.  So I do have motivation to stay on a very strict plan. 

Things can happen. You may be a perfect example why this surgery work and its good. Or like me, you could get issues... And ...unfortunately nobody can control that.  Or predict that. I know a lot if people who gained at least 50% of what they lost initially. And they don't eat nearly enough what they are before. 

Listen and learn. You can be successful.... But it's a hard work.  First 2 years seams do hard, but real work, IMO, starts 2 years post op. 

Good luck. 

I dont like the fact that you are/get ill and need shots.

I do like that you tell us/her where the real work begins.

Did you have your surgery a long time ago, and did they connect you down too far?  I am wondering because the only other person I have ever met that needed the shots was done over 10 years ago!  I sort of wonder if the "state" of the surgery has evolved over time iwht respect to that.