Anyone else have friends distance themselves?

My friends and I have gone to the beach two times a year for ages.  In September (a month before my surgery) one of my friends called me to tell me that they had all talked and they didn't think I should go.  My feelings were hurt initially, but the more I thought about it I knew that they were right and there would be temptation when I was getting ready for my surgery. 

We usually go again in May (would have been last weekend).  This time I didn't even get a call, just saw their pictures on facebook having a great time.  It made me wonder if I have become someone who is no fun . . . but I feel so much better and I am able to do so much more.  I think I would actually be more fun on a trip.  Is it me?

Any input from others who have had similar experiences would be wonderful.

I can relate. My friends have always been heavy weights. Since I've had surgery they have all pretty much became non-existent. I know part of our friendship was based on sitting around a kitchen table eating brownies and icecream and complaining about all the things we wish we could do if only we were thinner, but still. It just plain hurts when I see pics of them on FB celebrating at a bbq or buffett. Well, let me rephrase that. It USE to hurt, now I feel almost sorry for them that thats all their lives consists of. I have found "new" friends at my local gym that will never take my "old" friends places, but they have more goals that are centered around the lifestyle I live now. Im sorry that you feel hurt by your friends actions. I DONT think we become "LESS FUN" but I do think we may become more aware of our actions and more aware of our choices. 

Are these people you only see 2x a year?  If so, its sounds as if they are just acquaintances now, not friends.  If you see them more often than that, find the one you think will be the most honest with you, and sit them down and ask for their honesty.  That you just need to know so it does not eat you up inside.  Then at least you will have peace with yourself.  If they will not tell you, then its a problem they have, not you, and you should walk away.  that is just drama brewing.

I used to see them much more, but I stopped going out for the six months prior to surgery and then for a few months after surgery.  I think it is a good idea to get peace.  Thanks!

I just wanted to say that I am sorry because I know you must feel hurt.

Thanks Kat!

That's terrible!  And how rude of them to put up the pics on FB where they KNEW you would see them.  Question--are these people also obese?  If they are, there could be some jealousy going on.  If not, well then they're just awful people.

I haven't exactly had a friend pull away, but I am curious as to what might go down this weekend.  I've known my bestie since we were 13 (41 now) and when we were kids, she was always thinner than me, even though she had horrible eating habits.  Her mom never cooked and it was always fast food, but she ate like a bird.  As she's gotten older and had kids, the weight has creeped up and she's about 50 lbs overweight now.  With three sons, she doesn't have a lot of money, so I'm going to bring some things that are too large for me now and give her first choice before I send them on to donation.  The things I'm bringing aren't real huge--misses 18s and 16s--but the fact that I'm in a smaller size than her is pretty crazy and I'm wondering if that will bother her at all.  I've tried to encourage her to lose weight when she's expressed unhappiness with her situation, but she's never been one to take advice.  So, we'll see what happens!

I doubt you've become someone who is no fun.  If these aren't people you see often, they probably have some skewed idea of how limited you are WRT food.  I know when I went on a "eat their food only" diet plan I lost a few eating buddies.  That might be part of it and again, they just might be crabs in a bucket.

Jen

The food/drink thing could def be it.  Maybe it is making them uncomfortable or they feel guilty eating around me.  I hope things work out well for you and your bestie!

I've had a similar situation. My best friend for the last 20 years has pulled away from me.  We've discussed the reasons I had the surgery and she was happy I was taking control of my health. She even admitted that she is jealous (she's also large) but the discussions hasn't eased the tention between us. We don't hang out as much, use to do lunch or shopping trips, pedis together.  Now - nothing.  I miss her terribly but know I did this for my health and that she needs to live with her own demons.  I'm sorry your friends hurt your feelings, but know there are some of us that are going thru the same thing.  Stay strong and believe in your journey.

I think jealousy and now since you are not pigging out with them,they would likely feel embarrassed/ ashamed continuing to eat the way they do.. 

I think it is them,not you. 

And real friends don't cut you out because you make a life altering decision.