I am writing just to sort through some things going through my head/emotions.

So I work in a production/quota based job and it is now the end of the quarter. Numbers must be made and I am way way behind due to bridal bliss (i.e. wedding planning).

In the past, when MO, I was a stress eater. When stressed I would literally feel hunger/irritation/a sensation in my stomach area. Smetimes it was a result of drinking too much coffee, other times hunger or maybe just nerves.

Subsequent to surgery, I work hard to differentiate WHAT I am feeling when I feel the sensation of hunger.  I take note of what I ate, how much, and when. I also try to drink tea more  often than coffee to avoid irritation.

However, at this very stressed moment, I find myself experiencing "hunger" when I KNOW I am nt hungry (i.e. I had steak for dinner).

I have left over mac and cheese (boxed), crackers, cheese and PB around the house.  I am amazed how easy it would be just to give in and slip into old bad habits.  Crackers and PB would be THE QUICKEST way to get this false hunger to go away (and it does typically temporarily go away for about 2 hours...only to return).

I know surgery doesn't fix ones head, but sometimes, I just get so annoyed with myself for my continuous revision of the "Crazy Train" ride.  Right now, I am standing outside the gate and looking at it. 

After a year of *mostly* success, one would think these false sensations would go away....but they dont.

Thanks for reading.

Will we ever be 'cured'?? I don't know.      That is why they say - One day at a time.

(edited) Re reading OH quote contributor, Vivian P. this week...  "Be at war with your vices."  Yes, fighting vices feels like an uphill battle that might last a lifetime.  Then, another quote, "Old skin has to be shed before the new one can come."  Well, when will that ever happen if I'm fighting vices forever?!  Is it rude to block quotes?  

Nope ..not rude to block quote.

I agree with fighting vices forever.  Are we *that* psychosomatic?  If so, we should be writing self-help books because the power of our minds is at such a strength that it continually fools our bodies.

Or there might be something physiologically odd about us.

For a period POST-OP, I did NOT experience these sensations.  I prayed/hoped that they would not return, yet, here they are!

Here's how I have always viewed it.

We can adopt good habits. And learn to do things differently.

But...

The old habits are lying in wait. Just around the next corner. They're patient. They can be quiet. They know the moment will come. They know how vulnerable we are - still. They know we'll get a little ****y, have a weak moment, or one where we are overconfident. (I'm looking so good, I'm going to go for it!)

So the peanut butter will still call to us. Crackers, too, or "just a cookie." And those old habits? Oh that's their moment. We won't even quite know what happened. It's not like a zombie attack or something loud or anything...those old habits are subtle, quiet, sneaky. 

And next thing we know, they've got hold of us. And the jeans don't zip when they're fresh out of the dryer any more. 

And the next thing after that, we're up ten pounds. Or twenty, or fifty. 

That's how it goes. It never stops. 

During stress body uses a lot of resources. When i crave specific food i try to find out what, beside serotonin uptake due to carbs, my body may try to tell me it needs: i.e. chocolate: magnesium;, grains : perhaps extra vitamin b's..or maybe i crave salt and minerals in it? 

Some days, taking an extra supplement helps with the cravings . 

During stress - endocrine system needs a lot to be able to handle the stress: i try to make sure it has what it needs. I.e. when i had realy stresful December, i had to increase my salt intake, and my fats. Also i had to make sure i eat relatively light, or take digestive enzymes to help with digestion.  I needed B12 shots weekly (not every 10 days),  plus i felt much better increasing my vit C and B1... A square ir 2 of 86% chocolate around 4 pm energy slump was very rewarding. 

We demand and expect a lot from our bodies, let's  make sure we provide as needed.

This is an awesome post. I have nt looked at it that way. I have let the B-50 complex go for a week (i was busy..and not required by the surgeons plan). Maybe I am short on the B vitamins, hence the cracker/grain craving.

Thank you. This post was a big help!

But the way you deal with them changes.  It has changed.  So recognize that, too, and celebrate it.

Each time you respond to stress differently, I think, it gets a little bit easier to do it next time.  That doesn't mean it's easy.  But it's easier.

Every time I go for a walk with my dog instead of buying a box of Cheezits when I'm anxious, it gets a tiny bit easier to go for a walk next time.  I start to recognize I can do it.  That doesn't mean it's easy or that it feels comfortable, but I start to realize it's possible for me to do it.

yes. You are right!  It is NOT comfortable to say to yourself, "This job doesnt get to ruin my health or the body I have worked so hard (and had surgery) for!" and actually TAKE that walk/jog.  

But it HAS to be done right?  The only choice is to backslide. It will be a cold day in hell before I consciously decide to backslide.

Thank you for helping me!

Well, I think you are right that there is a choice.  You can choose to do what is hard and uncomfortable, or you can choose to do what would seem easy and backslide.  You get to choose.