Wish I hadn't told my friends....now what?

This is my first post. I'm in the exploring stages and hope to have RNY surgery.  I told some friends that I was exploring and going to info sessions, etc etc. The feedback was VERY negative.  I wish I had read these boards about keeping it quiet before I told. I'm mad at myself for opening my big mouth.  Aaargh.  I have about 1/2 of  my pre-surgeon appts completed, then hope the surgeon will say yes to a lap-bad conversion.  So, do I just keep quiet now to my friends? What if they ask?  Help!  Advice appreciated.

Lisa 

I'd ask your friends now what.  Say something like "Hey, I was surprised at your negative reaction to the news that I will be having surgery.  I was really hoping you'd be supportive.  Should I just not discuss it with you anymore or what?"

I agree - this is a very good script. 

Kelly has a great idea for those you've already told.  While I tell everyone now, before I only told my family and my bosses (so they'd know why I was out) and one or two friends.  Only people I knew would be supportive.

For people who ask and you don't really want to tell, you could just say you are having a personal procedure done and you don't want to discuss it.

Good luck!!

Thank you all for the feedback. Great advice!

Lisa,   I have to say I never hid it what I was doing.  My boss and many coworkers and friends knew.   There were a few that were OH NO you will hate it.   And though I still may have them in the friend list.  I don't really spend as much time with them as I used to.   I was the token fat guy.   If I was there they didn't have to be the ones that couldn't walk the mile or two along the river or be the reason we had to wait 20 mins longer for a table instead of a booth.   I know they will not admit it but as the weight has came off I am not the one holding the group back anymore.   Ultimately this is your decision your procedure and your life, you want to be healthier.  I give you fair warning from personal experience those that are not supportive can sabotage you.  Stay strong. Be selfish. Think what is best for me.  In the end it is your responsibility and you have to live with it. 

Brandon

Brandon,

Thanks for your comment.  I can certainly relate to the table wait, not being able to keep up, etc.  Can you please expand on your experience with non-supportive people and how they try to sabotage and how you deal with it?  I know from losing weight before that people would try to get me to eat or tell me i looked gaunt etc.   Sounds like I might lose friends over this, which is okay, because I have to gain my health.  I will hold onto your "stay strong; be selfish" advice!

Lisa 

Lisa,

I am sorry it has taken so long to get back to you,  life is busy.   I thought about how to say this a couple of different times.   I have one of the most group supportive family and friends that people could as for. But I few examples of the sabotage (either intentional or unintenional).  I was over 460lbs when I started this journey so I have a long way to go to get to under 200lbs,  still at 340. 

 Multiple times we have been invited out for "drinks/dinner" which is empty calories and if you had a RNY is not a good idea.   I went to be sociable and enjoy the conversational part of the gathering.  I drink water at these events, were as before I downed all drinks with the best of them.   There are a few "friends" that will buy a shot or 3 and put them down in front of me or order appetizers for the group and then call me out in front of everyone for not eating/drinking.  Trying to shame me into doing what I know is wrong.  Others try to rescue me by blowing them off and tell me I am doing good or to keep up the good work(which upsets me as well but at least it is better than the alternative).  One of my better friends will just down the shots for me when others are not looking.   But recently I have just stood up to them and told them (2 men 1 woman) that I am not going to eat this crap nor drink the alcohol stop putting it in front of me.   It has made for tense moments at a few tables.   I am now smaller than one of the men and shortly I will be smaller than both of them.   Each of them have used me as an excuse as not to be able to do something as a group and are embarrased I think now that it is them who hold us back.  

On the family front,  I have some that doesn't understand and no matter the amount of education I give them,  they still have the need to give me a plate of foods I can't / shouldn't / don't want to eat.   To the point that they took my plate out of my hands and put more food on it "because I was loosing weight too fast".   They have multiple times made me to go meals because I might get hungry when I get home because I didn't eat much while I was there.   In the beginning I was taking them and tossing it in the trash,  but as time has went on I tell them no thank you,  sometimes a little harshly to get my point across,  I don't want to hurt their feelings, but they have to STOP what they are doing.  I am maybe the biggest but they have done it to others and some are putting on the weight as well. 

I did however want to pass on some pluses,  I have monthly team managers meetings,  there can be 3 - 15 of us depending on what is on the agenda.  We normally just go and eat at sometimes the worst type of places.  But my team and boss have both discussed that we as a group need to do better and have chosen places with healthier options. (thought I work closely with 3 of these managers for the others to make this jump specifically because of me gave me boost)

I am now invited to do things,  like going hiking through the river bottoms with friends (where as before they would have not even asked to spare my feelings).  More and more I find that those are the friends that support me not because they know what I have done,  but because of what I am doing and help when there is a piece of cake being dolled out to everyone,  to ensure that if there is one put in front of me,  it is the smallest and I am not expected to even take a bite. 

I hope this helps if you need to talk more just send me a message I will be as much help as possible.

It's your life, your body. Don't worry about what they say. Maybe they are afraid you will look to good when you get there. It's their problem if they can't support you.  :)