Not to be grim - BUT newbies... HEED THE WARNING!

Here's the scoop - I had GB in 2009.  I was 289lbs.  7 months later I was 175lbs.  I looked ******g amazing!  I remember being addicted to OH and reading profiles EVERYDAY because I wanted the insight those who had the procedure done.  I remember vividly reading a post in this forum from a woman who warned us NOT to drink after this surgery.  It's not worth it.  She said - it's empty calories and it only leads to a non-rewarding end.  She too - shared her story.  So here's mine.  DON"T IGNORE IT!!!!  

 Of course I was like... I am not going to do anything to go back to "fat girl land".  I wasn't a drinker pre-op so I figured - that was something I didn't have to worry about.  WRONG! WRONG WRONG!

Fast forward to late 2012.  I began going out regularly.  OF course.  When you think your HOT **** you prance around like you're above pitfalls.  WRONG.  I noticed I was drinking a regular bottle of wine on the weekends.  Then every other day.  Then I got cheap and decided to start buying the 1.5L bottles of wine.  Low and behold - I was drinking a bottle EVERYDAY.  I was setting my alarm to get up 2 hours before work - just to drink wine.  I'd stay up till about 12 or 1am drinking wine.  I completely stopped drinking water at home. 

Anyway - needless to say - I'm a total drunk.  I started to rationalize my calorie intake.  (LAME).   I would eat a lite lunch and no dinner - just so I could drink the wine/calories.  That's 1200 calories per bottle.  I won't lie - sometime's I'd drink 2 bottles.  I became embarrassed when I figured out the store clerks knew which bottles of wine I was drinking.  This one clerk said to me - sorry... we don't have any more of that Pinot you like as soon as I walked in the store.  That made me get "hip".  I wouldn't frequent the same stores anymore.  I'd drive out of my way to go to another store just so I wasn't recognized as the chick who comes in here everyday to buy wine.   (Total alcoholic move!)

This year I became preggers...lost the baby and of course that sent me into a deeper depression.  I'd come home - sit in the same spot on the sofa - drink my life away.  What's interesting is - the word "drunk".  People say GB patients get buzzed faster.  I don't believe that applies to me.  I truly believe I loved the taste of wine - cause I can't say - I was drunk or buzzed in the "traditional" since.   But an alcoholic - YES!  I was day dreaming about wine.  Finding deals and mapping a plan.  (NOT for food...for wine)

Oh yeah... I'm back up to 249lbs!  YES - that's an exclamation mark.   How dare I fight my insurance company for months just to get the damn procedure only to later **** it all up!  How dare I think I'm above those who have gone through the same thing as me and think my results will differ!  How dare I!!!!!!!!!

I'm a straight forward person.  If you are new to OH...take everyone situation as "it could happen to me".   Chances are it won't be an exact match...but you better believe we all have shared some commonalities in the postop/maintance. 

Once you get to your goal or damn near close - DON"T leave your support group.  I did.  I stopped going to my support groups and I stopped coming on OH.

Tonight is New Year's eve.  I had every intention to go out tonight - but... I'm not deserving of a good time.  I'm staying home.  This has been the year of sadness, depression and now I recogonize myself as a Alcoholic.  Opps - a FAT ALCOHOLIC!

I'm only 5 days into my decision / motivation / to fight back.  No booze for a whole week.  I've been to the gym 4 days in the last week.  Ha - I had been paying for a gym pass for 4 years and only went 7 times in 2013.  (Dumbass).

My profile is not public - BUT if you want to read my profile ( I was very active for a few years) - go ahead and request me. 

My purpose in writing this post - was to REMIND everyone...it's not worth it.  Trust me.  It's not.  

Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

(Ps - I know some of you have "MOTHERLY" advice - like join AA...yada yada...thanks - no need to tell me...cause I already know)

I have no advice to offer. I just wanted to say that I admire and respect your openness, and I hope you get the help you need. You say one thing that I think I'd disagree with..."I'm not deserving of a good time." This is your disease talking! You are a unique and wonderful individual, and you deserve a *healthy* good time just as much as anyone else! Right now, that's not hanging out in a bar, but you WILL get the the point of having a good time that doesn't sabotage you. Believe in that!

Your post is full of pain, but a lot of hope too. I wish you all the best, and much success on the tough road ahead.

Not everyone can admit their faults so publicly and I commend you for facing up to your problem.  Thank you for your alerting us to the pitfalls.  Please keep us up to date on your progress.  I know it won't be easy for you but I would love to follow your journey back to a healthy life style. 

Thank you so much!  

I will be active on the boards again...the minute you leave OH is the minute you fall in the quicksand!

Happy New Year to you!

Hi Pam,

Thank you so much!  I see that you are newly RESTRICTED!  YEAH for you!  Sometimes... you don't have to offer advice - just knowing someone else experiencing an issue in our community and offering encouragement is the best SUPPORT.

I appreciate you taking the time out...

Happy New Year to you!!

Thank you so much for telling your story.... I wish you the best, and I think you're off to a good start !! I really think you're being WAY too hard on yourself saying that you don't "deserve" a good time ~ That is ABSOLUTELY not true, and I think you will only sabotage your efforts to help yourself. Thinking that way will only depress you more, and you need to do everything you can to help your depression, not add to it. You're gonna pull through this, stronger & better than ever !!!!!

Thanks Doll!

Happy New Year to you!
 

Ps... WAY to GO on your progress!  You'll be at goal in no time!  Best...

No motherly advice - I'm more the ***** type 

Just wanted to say, I applaud you for your decision and the decision to come on here and share your story   Thank you!  

I hope you have a Happy New Year and are able to keep to your resolutions.

Hang out here if you ever need support, an attagirl,  or a kick in the ass (or at a pinch, I can do a handpat, I'm just not very good at them!)

Thanks Doll!
 

I love the ***** types!  LOL...  I certainly need a KICK in the ASS!

I see that you are years out... BRAVO to you for still providing encouragement and supporting the community.   YOU ROCK!

Happy New Year!

OMG! I haven't been on this site for a few weeks. I guess you can still call me a newbie. I'm down approximately 70 lbs and I'm feeling and looking good. I was at Olive Garden last weekend and tasted a couple oz of wine (literally) and was totally buzzed. I was going to drink an oz or two to ring in the New Year and came here tonight to check on the crew and this post pops out at me. Thank you so much for sharing your story, you may have saved someone else from going through this. God bless and please lightened up and have a good time tonight (without alcohol of course).