Zip lining ultimate goal and I can't bring myself to do it. :(

Yo're welcome. Same with me, Since I passed the airplane part on my journy to a new me and since I did the airplane goal and now I can do the zipline, I'm just take each goal and each day in my new life since post-op of weight loss sugery I take it via one step at a time which I call my baby steps. Thank you, kudous for a great journey that you're on. :-) , you're doing an awesome too. Sounds like a great idea to focus on the new up coming year, just one step at a time. You're welcome. No problem. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

I'm so sorry this has upset you so much.   I am not much of a daredevil, despite being slim - I just cherish my life and safety too much .

(((((( Jules0225 )))))))   Just as you requested!

Haha, that's understandable. Thank you so much. Here's to the new year!

I think you did the best you could, That is all you can ask of yourself, Don't be so hard on your self,You have come a very long way!!!  I also had a few things to overcome, one of the last is getting on a horse, still have not done it and have come to the conclusion it really is not that important because i finally had to admit, I HATE horses!! was doing it to please everyone around me, Take time for you, calm down, long bath, early bed, It will  be a better day tomorrow, Big hugs, take care of you first:)

Thank you so much for your response. I'm en route to home, currently have a 2.5 hour layover then it's homeward bound for me. I've already decided I'm calling my therapist first thing tomorrow as well as booking myself a massage. I also plan on getting a good sleep tonight. I'm exhausted. Hope you have a great new year.

Jules I'm sorry it was so scary for you and I don't blame you at all! I went ziplining in Honduras when I weighed 244 pounds. It was 8 zip lines down a mountain. And ummm by the second one I realized it wasn't made for someone my weight. The line dipped much further with me than it did the others on our excursion and I smacked my foot and thought I broke my toes, then at half way down I asked them if there was any other way down the mountain! lol There wasn't and I was forced to zip the rest of the way. My arms were numb by that point from trying to hold myself upright using all the strength I had and then some to keep from flopping upside down! While my husband and sons could let go and remain upright it wasn't happening with my weight and obviously top heavy self! So the reason I share this with you is to tell you that perhaps you didn't miss out on as much as you think you did!!! I also know what it feels like to waste the money, I once paid $70 to go bungee jumping and chickened out once I got up there! Just couldn't go over the edge no matter what! It sucked I beat myself up for it but the fact was I wasn't comfortable and I'm glad I didn't do it. There was a fear in me like no other that day. Follow your gut and don't beat yourself up over it! I will say I'm jealous you were able to pull the bungee jump off as well as parasailing! that is one thing I desperately want to do now! Don't let it ruin the day and just keep on keeping on! You've come a long hard way and once you feel you can do it you will!

Thanks for the support, it means a lot. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on bungee jumping. I did it about 11 years ago and would never do it again simply because when the bungee lines bounce you up it's not the most pleasant feeling! Parasailing was amazing and if given the chance I would do it again for sure. Yesterday was extremely disappointing but I will keep on keeping on and work towards my next goal (onederland) and I will be calling my therapist tomorrow! Thanks again and happy new year!

So I'm sitting here at Forever Florida. I'm supposed to be going zip lining. I can't do it. I still see myself as 440lbs. I can't bring myself to climb the tower. I'm afraid I'm going to break **** I feel so horrible I've been fighting back tears. This was my ultimate goal and I can't do it. I've already missed out on a bunch stuff. All that's left is the zip line safari. I'm devastated right now. I know in my head I have nothing to worry about but as soon as the steps on the tower start to wobble I get paralyzed and can't move. Tears well up in my eyes and I'm just stuck.  Even during some of the worst depression I've never felt as crappy as I do right now. 

Well the day is over and I didn't do anything. Wasted $135 and I'm devastated. I've worked so hard for 13 months for this. And what's worse is I've been parasailing and bungee jumping and a bunch of other extreme adrenaline rush type things. It wasn't even the ziplining or various zip rides that scared me. I just couldn't get passed climbing up the tower. I feel like such a failure. The fact that I still loathe myself as much if not more than before is so disturbing and devastating to me. And what's worse is I just feel like no one understands. My bf is supportive but I feel like he just doesn't really get it because he's never been overweight a day in his life. As far as the rest of my support system goes I am so upset with them.ITs a long story but basically I want nothing to do with either of them (mom and brother) which is also devastating because they have been so amazing the last 18 months with all this surgery stuff. I'm sorry for ranting. I just don't have anyone in my life who even remotely has a clue to what its like being obese. I could really use a hug and some assurance I'm not alone. To those who have already responded thank you so much for the kind encouraging words. I appreciate so much.

The fact that I still loathe myself as much if not more than before is so disturbing and devastating to me. And what's worse is I just feel like no one understands. 

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PLEASE SEE A THERAPIST! I think people do not understand because generally, I don't think people loathe themselves. Even at my heaviest, I loved myself. In fact, it was the visual insulator of self-love that did not allow me to see the weight I had become and when I did have myself SHOCKINGLY revealed to my eyes, it was not loathing, but sadness and self-realization. So please, if you are actually loathing yourself, PLEASE go see someone and get help to overcome those issues. That is just not healthy for you, no matter what your weight.

And there are all manner of zip lining places all over the country. You'll have another opportunity to go ziplining once you have addressed the issues in your head.

HUGS TO YOU!

The first thing I am doing in the morning is calling my therapist. I so think there was a point in my life that I did love myself. I was heavier than this - maybe like 100 pounds heavier if I had to guess. Then around the end of 2007/beginning of 2008 things slowly started to go downhill and by the end of 2009 it just got really bad. From that point until May of 2012 when I started this journey things were just about as bad as it gets. Somewhere in there is when I ballooned up really bad and hit 440lbs. Actually I was probably heavier than that at one point but my first official weigh in in June 2012 I was 440. So year somewhere in the midst of all that is when these feeling developed. I have been seeing a therapist since July of 2012 and it has helped a great deal. I thought I was beyond this but apparently not so I will be addressing this with her ASAP. Thanks for the hugs and support. I hope you have a wonderful new year. One more flight and I'm home. I can't wait to just relax and cuddle my cats.