Divorce after an RnY

I ended a 4-year relationship when I was about a year post-op.  The weight loss had very little to do with it, though.  We both knew it was inevitable even before I had surgery because there were some aspects of the relationship that weren't very healthy.

I am a professional counselor and did some research for a seminar that I presented at our annual state counseling conference, and found two studies that showed that the divorce rate (or the end of long-term non-married relationships) following WLS is significantly higher than in the general population, BUT that the overwhelming majority of divorces were couples whose relationship wasn't good before one of the two had the surgery.  Relationships that were strong generally remained strong and relationships that were already in trouble declined even further.

it is very common for people (whether they have WLS or not) to believe that their weight is the source of many problems that, in reality, have absolutely nothing (or very little) to do with their weight.  That is one of the reasons that, for people who were depressed before surgery, their depression levels tend to decrease for the first year or so after surgery, but that the depression levels are back to where they were pre-op for about 50% (don't remember the exact figure).

I am sorry your relationship appears to be ending, but I am glad to hear that you are trying to find ways to cope with the stress and the loneliness in ways that do not involve food.  Having the right mindset is more than half the battle!  Exercise is a great way to eliminate stress, and getting out socially with friends (as long as it isn't at McDonalds, LOL) is also a great way to avoid staying at home alone and snacking.

Lora

You are correct...the problems with my marriage were not with what I weighed pro or post op. Funny though my spouse thinks that the reasons for the divorce are directly related to my surgery.

Me!  Me!  Me!  Me!  Me!

My RNY was 4/08, ex-wife had hers 8/08 and I filed for divorce 10/08.  Like someone mentioned before we blame the weight for the problems but if the marriage was bad before surgery seems to get worse after.

I was having career issues and was under a great deal of stress from that and the hormone dumping did not help at all.  Major anger and depression issues.  Tried to tell the ex to wait till I was on a better footing before she had surgery but she wanted it to "cure" her diabetes and had it done.  Cost of it was deducted from what I was going to give her in the divorce.

 

"...from what I was going to give her in the divorce."

 

Interesting choice of words.

Jumped out at me, too.

Speaks to a larger issue, IMO.

 

Surgery was June 3rd and I'm filing for divorce on Monday. He is an alcoholic and I've always been the caretaker. I'm 34 and we've been at this for 17 years. I've done this for literally half my life. I'm done. Should've done it long ago.
I've been left with pretty much nothing but my girls, but to me I have everything I need. Its me time now.

My 9 year relationship ended 3 years post op but weight had nothing to do with it. My ex preferred larger girls anyway and I was nearly 300lbs when we met.

The relationship sucked, it had always sucked in so many ways, and it was time to move on. I was young, 19, when I got with this person. It happens. If you can't tell, I wasn't incredibly upset by the break up itself but it was very stressful uprooting my life and going into the unknown. I moved to another town in fact and lost alot of my income and financial security. That was the hardest.

I actually LOST weight from being so busy I wasn't eating as much and then I met someone new and lost some more (for a grand total of about 10lbs but that's one whole clothing size for me) because then I was REALLY busy and very preoccupied

I'm in a very happy relationship now and so everything worked out for the better. I don't reget it at all and I'd do it over 100 times. You already called it a new chapter in life... so run with that. It's a blank page you can do whatever you want with and now you've got the opportunity to go on dates and meet a new person AND spend more time with yourself! All those things you didn't do because your spouse didn't like it, you can go do it! You can be whoever you want to be. It sure was freeing for me.