WTH??

I'm having these crazy emotions! My surgery is 7/8/13 and its coming up fast! Here's the thing.... I have no support from my husband! He does NOT want me to have the surgery. No matter how many times I tell him this is for me, he's like "whatever!" I've been with him for 21yrs, married 14yrs and have 4 AWESOME boys!!! Is this normal for him to be like this??? I need him more than anything right now!

Ummm, I guess you know your hubby better than we do.  What are you expecting from him behaviour wise?  Have you asked him specifically what you want from him?  I find that most people are not mind-readers.....

 

Do you have others support networks in place if hubby is not going to be supportive?

 

Judy

I would like for him to be supportive! Two of my sisters had WLS. So I get a lot of support from them.

Why doesn't he want you to have it? Is he afraid of the surgical risks? Is he concerned you'll be more attractive to other men? Is he simply a man who likes chubbier women? Maybe if you understood his reasons for not supporting you, you could address them with him. Perhaps counseling for both of you would help.

I didn't feel my husband was especially supportive, but neither was he against surgery. Just 'whatever you want to do' was his motto. Then I had complications and he was my biggest advocate in seeing that I was taken care in order to save my life. It's pretty amazing to look back now and think he was so wishy-washy about it all at one point. He's become my greatest supporter.

Ahhh... I am so sorry. You do need him now. His response sounds like fear to me. Have you asked him why?

He's afraid I'll leave him! No matter how many times I've assured him that I'm not leaving its still stuck in the back of his mind. I love him, and he knows that!

My husband has been pretty supportive, but he also says things like "Oh you'll just leave me when you get thin anyway"..... But I just tell him that I would never disrespect him like that, since he NEVER once made me feel fat, un-loved, or un-wanted. Now if he was the type of jerk to put me down and call me fat names or something... then hell yes he should worry !! lol

Don't want to question your relationship, but he is amazingly insecure for someone who has been in a committed relationship for 21 years.

Have you been very frank with him and asked him outright if he thinks the only reason you have stayed is your weight? That he thinks you can do better? Because that is what he is saying, regardless of him realizing it.

If it were me, I would be in a marriage counselors office, STAT! He needs to work through his feelings, be supportive of YOUR choices, learn how not to sabotage your efforts and why he has so little faith in your desire to be with him.

I would go ahead and have the surgery. EDITED: I am glad to see your sisters can be of help and support to you! WLS is a great thing, but it is not all sunshine and rainbows, either. The reason I would have the surgery is that I am a 100% believer in the direction from every flight attendant on the over 500 flights I have taken in my life which is: In the event of loss of cabin pressure PUT YOUR OWN MASK ON FIRST and then help others. 

You need to do what is best for YOU and not worry about those around you until YOU have what YOU need.

So July 8, PUT YOUR OWN MASK ON. You will be so much better for it!

And I'd consider a solid piece of footwear and give your husband a bit of a kick in the hiney!

I'm so sorry. I've been very lucky that my husband was super supportive and I never could have made it through the first week without him. One thing me and hubby have always said to our kids and even each other in really hard times is. Even if there is ever a day when we don't want to be married to each other there is never a day we don't want to be best friends and since its rare people remain best friends after a divorce it's just not an option. Perhaps some counseling would help. I am sure in 21 years and 4 kids you've been through a lot together. It's stomach surgery not heart or head surgery. It doesn't change your feelings toward your spouse or the feelings they have toward you. Good or bad! Good luck sweety. I hope he comes around.

Maybe you could tell him that this is for YOU to get healthier and live longer so you can be with him longer?  My husband isn't happy about my surgery or my best friend.  But ultimately, it's our choice and we know our bodies best!  BTW.. I'd diffidently tell him that you need him to put aside his feeling and think about yours and that you need his support.  Best of Luck!! :)