Love letters kept me going .... snippets of my journey

It was the weirdest weekend ever.... the first time in all the years of my life that I did not tell or called home to wish dad "Feliz día de los padres papá" .... The realization hit me when I reached for my phone and dialed the number to our home in Panamá only to realize that dad was no longer there and will never again be a phone call away .... A panicky feeling struck me for a split second so hard my heart seemed to skip a beat and I caught my breath and then I shook it off ... and I immedieately switched into remembrance mode.... remembrance of the great times we had together although dad was stern and oftentimes cantankerous in his old age and sometimes would say things that at times did not sit well.. he was one opinionated patriach... like the years of comments about my weight which in retrospect were made out of CONCERN for my wellbeing .... his comments oftentimes ticked me off....

I reached into my chest of treasures of which are many and there, folded in dainty embroidered handkerchiefs and collected over the years and separated chronologically by years were dad's letters ... I read them ... randomly selecting some of them for there were many... love letters from my daddy ... they kept me going ... and in ALL the letters for the years I was morbidly obese there were stern words of concern ... the very same words that offended me then were the words of a very concerned dad that I was overworking my heart and my body carrying around all that extra weight .... daddy was not dissing me ... HE CARED! Then came the letters (dad refused to use email) he had perfect penmanship ... the letters after my RNY ... concerns for my safety before the surgery... concerns that I stick with the plan after my surgery ... concerns that I was way too small at 11 months post surgery ... concerns ... concerns ... all loving concerns ... it hit me ... dad was worried and concerned for my well being ... he was not prying... he was not dissing me ... in his very own way ... HE CARED .... thank you dad... I re-read my letters ... and they kept me going over this weekend....

I had an awesome workout with zumba/Bokwa and weights this weekend .... shoot my biceps still hurt LOL ... some of those letters dad wrote telling me to exercise and be active because none of us were ever obese or overweight in Panamá and here go I... I enjoyed my fitness routine on Saturday .... and took a pic for my journal after getting back home...

I had awesome lunch with my Dearest Daughter ...

On yesterday for Father's Day I celebrated my awesome husband Al and the memory of my dad with his awesome love letters through the years ... and I decided to wear my teeny tiny big dress ... a gift from my sister Mela on one of her many international conferences she attended ... she bought this for me in Mexico from the awesome designer Ana Rosa "La Prenda hecha Arte" (The dress made art) ... a beautiful handmade dress with handpainted and hand made flowers in 3d on a base of burlap and calico which I have shared on here before.  Mela gave me this dress my first year out ... when I was struggling to get down to a size 22 ... and I wondered would I ever get into that tiny bodice with the flowing skirt? and I did ... by the end of the first year post op I rocked that dress ... and I rocked it again yesterday .... so not only did I have love letters but I also had love gifts from my special and loving departed family members that I will always cherish...

I wore my awesome dress a gift from my sister on yesterday...

took a close up picture in it too..

and of course I took a picture with my dolly ... an awesome and special gift from my son the story of which I shared in prior snippets ... my poor baby has two broken fingers now no thanks to my toy poodle Chip who would not stop attempting to mate her WTH?

The skirt on tiny big dress reminded me of the 'polleras' we wore back home for folklore... "This dress is special and I will keep it forever as one of the most awesome gifts from my sister"...

and of course I collage it all in a before and after empowerment picture for my goofy empowerment tool .. my digital journal "A Picture a Day Keeps the Pounds and the Inches Away" .... 203 pounds gone and in maintenance for 6 years and 4 months post RNY ... I am embracing JOY and making it happen to me .... Yesterday I was a bit sad but I found love letters that kept me going ... morbid obesity I have you under my feet ... one day at a time... one choice at a time ...

Thanks for allowing me to share SNIPPETS OF MY JOURNEY

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY ALL ... THANKS AGAIN OH FOR THE SPACE AND ALLOWING ME TO SHARE ... SNIPPETS OF MY JOURNEY

Your so awesome!!! Thanks so much for posting. Your very inspirational!!

Thank you Brenda ... I really had to pull myself up by the big girl's bloomers this weekend... it helped to know that the awesome memories left in one's heart and mind can carry on for-ever ...  my awesome letters were just the confirmation ... no one is really gone as long as they can be remembered ... in love and kindness...

Thanks for allowing me to share with you my goofy snippets...

Reading your post touched my heart. In my own life my parents were always commenting on my weight, saying things like I need to exercise more, cut back on snacking, diet, etc.... I always chose to be hurt by their comments and felt almost rejected, but you are right, those aren't words of rejection and or being embarrassed of me, but rather words of concern and love. Thank you for reminding me of this.

You got it my beautiful sister .... I thought my old man was particularly mean to me on occasion that I went home at my highest weight and he commented on how I was ruining my bones and my heart ... I was hurt and ticked off ... and the whole time he meant well ....and was telling the truth ... it led me to the predicament I got into with developing all those obesity related illnesses that landed me immediate approval for surgery ... I am glad I saved all his letters.... Look how awesome he is ... even in his absence he looked out sooooooooooooo handsomely over our finances and that of his grandchildren ... I thank him for the dollop of reality that I did not want to hear then ... LOVE ... it is not always sugar coated ... the grandma who hands out the candy oftentimes seems cooler than the one who hands out an apple ... at least the apples will keep the cavities at bay ... LOL

I am so sorry for the loss of your father! How wonderful that you have his letters to comfort you!

Thank you! it is still so fresh a few days short of a month... I am glad I have my letters, years of travel back and forth to home, his seeing us through the best private schools and an awesome childhood into adulthood even his sternness ... it all paid off in the end ... he is certainly missed...

How wonderful, I read your posts and the renew my faith in humanity.  I love the dress your sister got you, it suits you perfectly and I love the french braids in you and dollies hair.  Does she have a name, I feel like she is a person and I should be calling her by name.  lol  I can't believe Chip chipped her trying to mate.  That is actually hilarious.  lol 

My weekend included me falling backwards down the stairs and landing on my side, bruised ribs and a lovely bruised elbow, on my good arm.  Yeah me, nothing like trying to keep the pain equal on both sides of my body.  And I was barefoot at the time, everyone thinks the heels will kill me, and in reality its my feet.  Oh yeah and I banged up the toe I broke a few years back, I swear it sticks up straight now.  I am just a mess.  lol

Love to you sweetie!  Your father and sister are so incredibly proud!!!!!

I really should give her a name but never thought of it ,,, I always called her the dolly my DS gave me ,,, and this makes twice chips knocks her over trying to hump her geez...

OUCH about your fall... sorry to hear that,.. good pampering and feel better soon!!!

I read your response to the post above earlier and just wanted to reach through the screen and give you a great big hug ,,,

Thank you for being YOU ,, totally WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) ,,.. I love you for that!!! no undercurrents ,,,