"well rounded" or "confusing" personality? (even more so after WLS)

Yep.  There is definitely an "engineer" mentality.  I dated three engineers (and one psychologist) over the years.  All the engineers had that same general mental approach to life!

Lora

Don't let him make you second guess yourself. You're intelligent and from what I know of you here handle yourself well and know what you want in life. That's all that matters.

I think some of the confusing part at least for my family is I ow put myself before them with increasing frequency..

Without knowing either of you directly, here is my feedback.

There are people, men and women alike, who live extremely linear lives in a narrow channel. And they are very happy with that and I say good for them.My son went to one of the top engineering schools in the nation and he had MANY friends who were that way and while he was not in the engineering program, the friends he had the hardest time connecting with found him 'confusing' because he liked to step out of his channel and was very open to new and different things.

When people who live happily within the narrow channel that they have defined as 'normal' for themselves are flung into a tempestuous sea of change that is happily navigated by those that seek new and different experiences and are open to navigating in any one of the 360 degrees in their sphere of life, then it seems confusing to the channel locked.

Neither is wrong. It is simply a situation of comfort zone, ability to step outside of said zone and respect for the endeavors of others, on both sides of the equation.

So here is a personal story.  My current director 'inherited' me after a re-org of my vertical. She met with me after about 6 months of being one of her directs and we had my annual review/feedback session. She told me that I was unlike anyone she'd ever worked with in our division and that frankly, when she met me, she did not think I would last very long (even though I'd been with the company for over 10 years) because she did not understand how it was that I could be successful being as 'bohemian' in my approach to program management and issue resolution. But she gave me the largest percentage raise of my career and said that she'd been wrong. Very wrong. That she isn't comfortable with doing things differently or actively seeking solutions that did not fit the norm, but my business partners consistently requested me and that I was pushing her to try new things by showing how successful 'different' could be. She was open to my being 'wide open' and over the past 18 months, I have seen her change.

Many people would not have been as open to seeing the value in differences as she did. We are the same age, white, women, close to the same household income, both have 2 boys, both have a long history with our company, both married over 20 years and on and on. And yet we are VERY different. VERY different.

It sounds to me like your ex is a moderately toxic person for you in that he is unable to accept your growth and self awareness and zest for life if it does not neatly fit in his channel. He cannot accept your desire to be more. Perhaps because he feels that he does not live up to your joie de vivre and perhaps because he sees no need to go beyond that channel, like the Quakers. :) But regardless, he doesn't support what excites and fills your well of self, so I say, be done with him!

Love my supercharged Jag (470 hp and 424 lb-ft of torque and I LOVE it!) that I ordered last year, but truth be told, I was >thisclose< to buying an Expedition because of our dogs. That doesn't make me confusing, it means my life is not just a neat little cube tightly tied with a bow and I am smart enough to consider various options. And FTR, I bought a SportTrac, too, which is great for when I have the pups out and about and keeps my car clean. :)

Don't let someone box you in emotionally and tie you up in their ribbons of issues.  Be free to spin out into whatever paths you seek in this life and those who would block you need to be GONE!

Go on...be all that you can be, this life is TOO SHORT to do anything less!!

Thank you for the very thoughtful response.  Yes, he has a very narrow sphere, and I do not.

There are MANY reasons he is an "ex", and he will always fall into that category, but we are still... well, not quite friends since we have very little contact these days.. but friendly acquaintances, LOL.

Lora

What a great response. I didn't make mention of it however the experience you shared about your son and the engineer friends has been my experience. They fit in a box of comfort, I say they live in the white and black box nothing it's in the grey. Engineers are usually very smart in what they do and how they do it. Stepping out of that box just isn't comfortable for them. It doesn't make it right or wrong it just is. 

Doesn't confuse me at all but then I also have a wide variety of interests and hobbies( and you made my day with 'dichotomous').
I hate to trot out the trite phrase of ' thinking outside the box' but that is what he needs to do. He is in a groove so deep it is likely to become a rut. He nneds to expand his thinking.

All I have to say.....there is a reason he is your ex.  Sounds like it is a good thing.  Carry on with your life enjoying all the different views and interests you have. You will find someone who will appreciate that.  

I have always been multi- faceted, as I like to call it.  Don't think surgery changed me. But others sometimes see me differently as now I am not invisible anymore.  I like to watch the scariest movies to the cheesiest hallmark romance movies. I like to read thrillers and sci fi right down to harlequin romances or high brow research.    I ride a motorcycle in jeans and leather with my long hair braided with a leather hair thong.  At work I wear nothing but dressy dresses and skirts and my hair usually up or hanging down straight.   Depending on which environment and time you meet me, you would form a different impression. 

I say it is " their problem" if they can't embrace your variety approach

I would much rather be "confusing" than boring & predictable. I think maybe he wants boring & predictable and you're definitely not it (thank GOODNESS!).

Martha 

I say lose the ex....... especially if he is an engineer!  You seem fine to me just the way you are!  If you are happy that is all that matters!