"well rounded" or "confusing" personality? (even more so after WLS)

I posted part of this in a reply today, and now I am wondering what others think.

My ex-SO (have known him since 1989, together about 3 years, "ex" as of 5 years ago) sent me an email in reply to the one I sent him about me buying a new Accord EXL V6 Coupe (manual transmission) as a belated 50th birthday present to myself and a celebration for (almost) finishing my dissertation.  He's a borderline "car guy".  He mentioned that he thought the car suited me perfectly, but mentioned that I am still "confusing", and even more so since my RNY (we split when I was about a year out).  He has said this before, and it doesn't bother me, but what he considers "confusing", I consider being "well rounded".  He says it has gotten "worse" since my surgery (which is, of course, because I can do more since losing all that weight).

I agree that there are parts of me that are a bit dichotomous, but I am puzzled by his characterization of it as "confusing".

When considering cars, for example (even ones realistically out of my price range), on one hand I considered "luxury" models like a BMW 328i hard top convertible, an Infiniti G37 coupe or convertible; on the other hand, I also considered more typically "guy" cars like the Ford Mustang convertible and the Hyundai Genesis Coupe.   This Accord coupe is not quite "luxury" but is a step up from Accord coupes of the past and the current Accord sedans.   Yeah, those are very different "categories" of cars, but they are all 275+ HP cars. 

When it comes to entertainment, I like Broadway shows and the Philharmonic (and the occasional ballet or opera), but I also like watching MLB and NFL/NCAA football, LOVE rollercoasters and whitewater rafting, and enjoy just playing cards with friends or an occasional game of miniature golf. 

On one hand, I am a Mensa member and am about to finish a PhD, can (and occasionally do) read Latin, and enjoy watching shows like "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman"; on the other hand, I like old Agatha Christie books, Stephen King novels, and like to indulge myself on Sunday afternoons watching recordings of "Dance Moms" and "Shipping Wars".

I occasionally like putting on a little black dress (now that I have one!) and high heels to go out for the evening, or like to wear a nice suit to a work meeting; most of the time, though, I like wearing oversized sweatshirts, jeans, and deerskin moccasins or a plain t-shirt, shorts, and Birkenstocks.

I can see why I might be confusing to him.  He is pretty straighforward: he's an engineer (he has a B.S. degree) who likes cars, motorcycles, football, playing sports (softball, volleyball, flag football, etc.) and movies.  I still think these things make me well-rounded, but on the other hand, I am 50 and single (and not dating anyone), so maybe I am confusing.

Thoughts?

Lora

I don't see why it's confusing to have many interests.   Maybe he's the one confused.

Yep, I think he's the one that is confused. Did he not think that getting healthy and more mobile was going to open up an entire different world to you? That's one thing I'm looking forward to. I too am a Birkenstock girl through and through, but I dream of a day when a can sex up my wardrobe for a fun night out with the ladies.

I think this makes you well rounded.  Maybe he finds you a little more assertive since RNY?  Perhaps did you push what you wanted to the back before and now you are more decisive and confident?  I like fast cars too.  I don't really like sports except for watching the Miami Heat but I do like dressing up for work and at the same time I like jeans and berkies and bohemian type blouses when I'm not working.  My husband sometimes finds me a little confusing since RNY which I don't understand because I've always been fairly assertive (I was previously a probation officer) so I don't think I've become more assertive or that my personality has changed much but perhaps it has.  

I think it's important to be "you".  If you like all these things and he doesn't well that's probably why he is your ex.  I find it very liberating to live my life the way I want to live it and it appears like you are too.  Rock on Lora!  You seem to be in a fairly good place in your life!

Sonja

That doesn't confuse me.  I think it's interesting and complex, but I think I am interesting and complex.  I have a wide range of interests (despite what it might look like from my posts here, vitamins are not the only subject that interests me).  I like lots of things, read all kinds of things (I'm currently almost done with "Animals Make Us Human" by Temple Grandin but also in the middle of a book called "Talking Hands" which is about the linguistic of sign language, but I enjoy a good mystery, too), I like many types of music, I"m not gonna tell you what cheezy show I"m watching right now because it's embarrassing but let's just say I like to watch many different things), etc.

If he finds you so confusing, perhaps that says more about him than about you.  Maybe he just gets confused easily.

Do you really care what your ex thinks of you, never listen to what they say, he is still trying to manipulate you by making vague references and making you guess what it really means.  No one should make you question yourself as long as you are happy with the person you are.  Tough luck to him if he's confused, that's his problem.  There are millions of interesting men out there who are worth spending a minute thinking about what they say, this isn't one of them.

Ahhhhhh.... good call, Heidi. i agree.

I think you sound delightful! Mensa member and watcher of Dance Moms. HAHA--who cares what the ex thinks.

First of all:  He's an engineer.  They are a breed unto themselves.  Trust me, I was married to one.  And every other woman I know who dated or married an engineer will tell you they are a strange species.  They like everything defined and measurable,  to fit in it's little box, and IMO have a very difficult time with emotions and closeness. I'm sure there must be many who've had good relationships with engineers, I just don't know of any, lol.

That aside.....I think your many, varied interests and attributes make you an intriguing person.  Any man would be fortunate to know you,.....it's just going to take someone who can accept that you are a complex person who doesn't fit in a little box, someone secure enough in themselves not to feel threatened by your intelligence and accomplishments.  Your ex obviously does, and saying you are "confusing" sounds to me like a subtle put down.  It's his problem, not yours....and after all, he's an ex for a reason, right?  Put him and his opinions behind you.

Being single can be tough.  I think most of us would like someone to share things with.  In your case, perhaps you might want to look at people who can appreciate and not feel intimidated by your intelligence...perhaps other Mensa members, other PhD candidates, university staff, symphony members, etc.

I LOL at your comment about engineers. I'm in the oil and has industry and surrounded by reservoir engineers and geologist. They are DEFINITELY a different breed. I really don't get them, their brain thinks differently for sure.