Was sorting through old photos of me (ugh)

I needed to burn some of my old photos to CD and then delete them to make room on my hard drive, so last night (when I had insomnia), I was cleaning up the folders.  I came across photos of me at various times throughout my weight loss journey, but in the clothed pictures the only thing that bothered me (other than my size) was seeing how much hair i used to have. Between what didn't grow back after the RNY and what didn't grow back that I lost due to menopause (or so we believe), my hair is about 2/3 of what it used to be.  I really do miss my hair.  

I also, however, have some pictures of me nude before I was finished losing (but was having a terrible time with rashes under my panni and breasts), before and after my panniculectomy, before and after my brachioplasty and mons lift, and then before and after my tummy tuck (including pictures of the necrotic incision and its transformation into a large gaping hole across my ribcage and under my breasts (and the healing process).  I was horrified when I was looking at the nude pics.  I remember crying almost every morning getting ready for work trying to figure out what I could wear that fit and would hide the belly and mons, and being incredibly upset when the PS who did the panniculectomy backed out of doing the mons lift at literally the last minute (in the surgery prep room), and I thought that I remembered what I looked like before... but those pictures really jarred me.  Not so much the ones of the rashes before I was done losing, because that is what I remember looking like for years.  What really startled me were the pics after the panni was removed but before the mons lift/reduction was done that show huge my mons was even though I had only about 25 additional pounds to lose!  (According to both plastic surgeons I used, sometimes women just cannot lose the fat there if there was a lot of it, and to say that I had a lot of it there would be a gross understatement.)  I felt like I was looking at a carnival freak side show!  It was really upsetting. Suddenly I remembered in much more vivid emotional detail how devastating it was to have to try to hide such a freakish looking body every single day.  

I am SO glad that I don't look like that anymore.  It was worth every single penny I spent on the plastic surgery to get rid of it.  It was just so upsetting to be reminded of what used to be.  (It makes my thighs look much less hideous in comparison.)

 

Lora

 

How AWESOME! your story inspires many...

I ditto your conclusion here "I am SO glad that I don't look like that anymore.  It was worth every single penny I spent on the plastic surgery to get rid of it.  It was just so upsetting to be reminded of what used to be.  (It makes my thighs look much less hideous in comparison.)" except the "upsetting to be reminded part" ... I use that 'remembrance piece" to empower myself and to never ever want to step back to that time ... not because of how I looked ... I had butt and thighs that would scare an army off and still do ... but to look back at yesterday and see where I am today ... is a testimony indeed ... 

being incredibly upset when the PS who did the panniculectomy backed out of doing the mons lift at literally the last minute (in the surgery prep room),

I do not know how to quote, so I had to cut and paste but WHAT THE WHAT!? You had an IV in and were ready to go in and they BACKED OUT!?! Why oh why? And did you sue? That is just outrageous to me! I so hate that you had to undergo that!

Your post is making me think I need to really read and understand about post WLS surgery. I have never heard of a mons lift or brachioplasty.

You sound like you really had a rough and hard road on your journey!!!

I am a hardcore scrapbooker and I hope you always keep at least some of those photos. Don't forget all you've been through, celebrate it and how fabulously you came out on the other side!!!

My old pre plastics before pictures don't bother me anymore because that person does not exist anymore.  There aren't many pics of me MO, I own them all and have destroyed most of the hard copies.  I have no desire to ever be remembered that way.  You can alter peoples memories and replace them with new ones over time.  Eventually the MO me will never have existed.  Which is exactly what I want.

That is wonderful! I can't wait until I get there in the future. I am 6 days post op and know that I have had surgery however, I stil can't comprehend the journey that I am on

I still have a hard time looking at before photos of me! I threw so many of them away because I just hated looking at them. Side by side before and after photos aren't as bad, but just the old one give me that same feeling that I had then, AWFUL and embarrassed.

Martha