still fat

I am so mad at myself.  I had my rny Sept. 2007. I lost 85 lbs,  Only 1/2 of what I needed to lose.  I have never used the tool to the point I have needed to.  Rely on it to do all the work by itself! Now I am feeling very overwhelmed and feel I am close to back where I started.  I am a grazer and and am addicted to slider foods.  I need a kick in the butt for allowing this to happen,  I know my pouch is still working because I cannot still do quantity. I hate the scales and I cant weigh myself because I feel like such a failure already. I cannot afford revision as my rny was self pay. I want to get on track and just need some help and perhaps there is someone out there that has been thru this too!

You can only win this one day and one meal at a time. To make yourself more accountable, see if there is a local TOPS chapter. Most likely they will welcome you with open arms. You have to make up your mind to use food as fuel and not to dull your scenes or build up your ego. It's not easy to do. Every single day is a challenge.  See your doctor to see if your thyroid is good or bad. See if you would benefit from prozac to help curb the compulsive need to binge eat. How about your legs, do you retain water? 

You want to change, that's more than half the battle. Now the hard part is putting wishful thinking into action.

regards

Allen

Thanks for your encouragement.  I have not looked into any type of weight loss groups.  I probably should but to be honest I keep telling myself that I will start tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. I know I am at the point now that I must do something just think I hate the shame I feel having to deal with my failure. My ankles swell from time to time, I should drink more water than I do.

As for Prozac...I probably do need that for the more than just binge eating but I hate the thought of taking medication and I do not have insurance so the expense would be a burden. Which is another reason I have not been to the doctor. Which I know I should.

Do you have a support group in your area?  I think that many of us go through some of this or are close to neglecting our plan from time to time.  Counseling is probably your best way to figure out why you are sabotaging yourself.  Start at one day at a time and try to find help.  Tell yourself that you can get back on track because no one wants to go through the surgery and not realize the reward at the end of the journey.  Good luck.

Thank you, I am feeling motivated by your reply,

Prozac? Seriously? North Americans take drugs like they are candy! 

I don't think a revision would help in the long run. You would take weight off again but what would help you maintain? You'd want another revision.

You've been honest and you know what you have to do. 

Plan, take it one day at a time, an hour at a time if need be. Cut the slider stuff, have your fridge full of high protein choices. For me when I'm grazing I cook a roast beef and when I automatically go to the fridge I eat a piece and I'm pretty full. What might work for you?

Focus on the positive.You haven't failed and you know your pouch is still working. You have to make it work. What's your plan?'

Sounds like you don't need a revision anyway, since you say your pouch is still working and the problem is grazing and eating the wrong foods.

Do you go to a support group?  Are you working with a registered dietician?  Are you in therapy?  Those are all things that would probably help you a lot.

I'm the guru of tough love, so I'm not being mean in anything I say, I'm being honest.  And I've been in your shoes so I know you CAN be successful with WLS and keep the weight off.  I'm 4 years out with 160 lbs lost and my life has COMPLETELY changed.  Was it easy?  no.  Simple, yes!

First of all, avoiding the scale isn't making you any lighter is it?  Suck it up, put on your big girl panties and get on the scale and see where you are.  Then, decide that you would prefer NOT to see that number again.......and get off your butt and make changes!

The only revision you need is a revision to your thought process and your eating/exercise habits.  Your tool is still working.  It is you that isn't working.

Here's the deal.  Every single day that you waste beating yourself up is a day you waste getting closer to being healthy.  You likely were not ready for the level of commitment WLS required when you got it.  Many people aren't.  If you do not change your ways, you will not achieve long term success.  Period.  But the good news is, you can still make those changes now!  You have the tool, now do the work TO USE THE TOOL.

Picture a shovel.  If you throw a shovel out in the yard because you need a hole dug, will the hole magically appear?  Of course not.  YOU have to USE the shovel to dig the hole.  WLS is exactly the same.  You must use the tool in conjunction with PERMANENT LIFESTYLE CHANGES to achieve a healthy weight and a healthy life.

Only you control what you do, and ONLY you will reap the rewards of your work. YOU are in total control of when your  success story begins!  So stop beating yourself up, feeling sorry for yourself and "wishing" things were different.  MAKE THEM DIFFERENT.

Oh, and stay far, far away from that 5 day pouch test.  It is yet another fad diet, and will do you no good. Also, find support-it is key to helping you deal with issues.  You need to learn how to eat correctly and move your body.

Here are a few points that I've shared with others who are struggling:

1) Begin tracking everything you put into your mouth.  You can do that here on OH in the Health Tracker or on  mobile apps like myfitnesspal.com.

2) Determine your RMR http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php

3) Set your daily caloric level at your RMR - 500.  This will set you up to lose 1 lb per week, which is the safest level to shoot for AND it will give you enough food so you don't feel deprived.

4) Make 100-120 grams of protein per day your goal.  I eat one 6-7 oz chicken breast grilled every single day.  That alone is 53 grams of protein, and it is real food so I feel full.

5) Eat 6-7 small meals each day.  This will keep your blood sugar level and will keep you feeling full.

6) Exercise.  Everyday.  At least 30 minutes.  If your heart rate is up and you are sweating, you are good. DO NOT make excuses about not having enough time.  You have the same 24 hours in a day that I have and I manage to do it.  It is about priorities.  YOU ARE WORTH THE EXTRA EFFORT.

7)  Follow the rules of your surgery.  Do not drink with meals and do not drink for at least 30 minutes afterward.  Limit simple carbs and sugar, but don't completely eliminate them.  If you do, you'll feel deprived, and we all know how well that has worked for us in the past.......

8) Come here for support!  We are here for you.

9)  Consider your butt kicked.  Please keep us posted on your progress.