Single post-op ladies: Would you date an obese man?

This question is mostly the result of self discernment. I got asked out by a very nice guy who is very big. 

Now keep in mind even when *I* was very big I didn't tend to date big guys (not necessarily intentionally...or should I say consciously...but I just didn't). But these days I realize slimmer guys don't always make for nicer guys. So I do truly want to be more open minded. But...

I think for me it's a matter of mind set. I don't want to be someone's health coach (I've dated a few mildly overweight guys who seem my workout schedule/eating and try to make me their de facto trainer). I also don't want to make someone uncomfortable about themselves because of MY lifestyle choices (that's happened even with friends/family). 

And at the bottom of it all the physical attraction for me isn't quite there. And while that might sound jerky I think it's perfectly valid to have a certain body type you are naturally attracted to. I don't necessarily always go for Adonis (although I've had more than my fair share of them even as an obese woman!) but for me it'd be more of an emotional attraction to the person than a physical attraction to their body. And I feel like in a relationship you should have both and that you deserve both.

So...no clear answers in my head. But I wonder how much of my thoughts have been colored by my own process and what you guys think about this in your own lives. Let me know what you think! I don't mind harsh criticism if you've got it. It's all a learning experience. 

But just trying to sort out how I truly feel in my own head.

Well, I will admit that I am usually not initially physically attracted to them. That being said, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now and have 2 children together. I was morbidly obese when he met me and gained even more weight in the relationship; he never made me feel like I wasnt attractive or criticized me for it. Now I am, hopefully, on my way to a healthy weight, but he has gained quite a bit of weight and become obese. I am concerned for his health, and he has expressed concerned himself as well but doesn't show any signs of starting better habits. Despite this, I make a very conscious effort to not make him feel less attractive or criticized for his obesity. I know how it feels! My ex husband and I married while I was obese, and then I gained about a hundred pounds over the 7 year marraige. We divorced in large part because I felt that he was ashamed of me, he always criticized my food choices even though his weren't better, he told me that he was not physically attracted to me, he made me feel the lowest that I have ever felt in my life and it broke my heart. In fact, it still does. Anyway, give a big guy a chance! He may turn out to be a lot of fun.

If I was single, yes. I'm not, so I wouldn't now. I've always looked past a persons appearance. Big or small, it's their personality that does it for me.

There has to be a physical attraction and an intellectual attraction.  I do tend to be more attracted to a guy with some meat on his bones, skinny guys do nothing for me.  So I'll say yes if the attraction is there, I would date a guy obese.

if he's nice then go out and see how it goes.  I can TOTALLY relate because I am in the same boat as far as being single. I didn't date them when I was big, however it really does depend upon the individual and their state of mind.  Keep us posted! 

I have dated both, personality is what does it for me, but I am mostly attracted to tall, thin men.  So I would surely give him a chance if he can make you laugh.  Nothing beats that.

I was in a relationship with a man who only had one eye before and I adored him.  For me, it is the mind connection.  Everything else falls into place after that.  

Big as a football player, sure, some extra pounds, fine, but super morbid obese, probably not.  Very skinny men do not do it for me, no attraction there.  I like a little meat. 

As long as he treats me good and very intelligent.

Well, I'm happily married to my best friend who happens to also be a stud muffin...tall and thin....that is my preference, and it even was when I was obese.  I never, and I mean never, even considered an overweight man as date/husband material....I am just attracted to dark hair/eyes and tall and thin....wouldn't consider a blonde either.........

Double standard?  Maybe.  But that is just how it is.  Now, if my hubby became obese or was disfigured in an accident I'd love him just the same....I love his insides....his heart and soul- so really at this point the physical doesn't matter.  But for initial interest, it was always tall and thin for me.  I am in awe of those that can truly see past the physical to find their true love....that is a gift.

Great points! I think that's what I'm getting at. Personality, values, and all that are important to me. But we meet a person with our eyes first.