I was calm last week, but now am really nervous again about knee replacement
I just need to vent.
After my one-day mini-freak out after my all day pre-op testing/education day on the 22nd, I was pretty calm about the upcoming knee surgery last week. Mostly just anxious to get it over with because I am tired of fighting the worry and wondering how bad it will be. Gus and I spent the night at my mom's house last night (so Gus will have spent the night there before he is there without me), and I left Gus there alone with her while I did some shopping to see how he would react with me not there (he did great). Since I will be staying with her for a few days after I get out of the hospital, I took some of the things Gus and I will need there (a down comforter, one of my own pillows, a few of his toys) and left them there. so now I am realizing that I am down to less than 2 days until surgery (36 hours at this point until we have to be at the hospital) and I am very anxious again. I took the Ativan throughout the day today, but am having trouble sleeping. I am getting ready to take a Restoril because I have to work in the morning.
For a couple of reasons, severe knee pain triggers my PTSD symptoms, so whenever I allow myself to think about the potential level of post-op pain, it causes great anxiety about how I may react to it. I am trying to remind myself that they will provide adequate pain medication, and that they will be letting me know what my PT schedule is so I can ask for whatever pain medication I need ahead of that, and that I plan to remind my surgeon that I have been on the Vicodin for about 2 years at this point (between the knee and the belly pain I was having for so long) so he will prescribe an adequate dosage of pain meds for when I go home... so, although I know I will not be pain free, the pain should not be severe enough to trigger flashbacks or nightmares (the fear of having one or both in the hospital with strangers around adds to the anxiety).
I am also reminding myself that they won't be using the full SCDs on my lower legs (they will be using the ones that just go on your feet), so I don't have to worry about getting triggered by the periodic compression of both ankles (it feels like getting grabbed/held by the ankles... ).
Still very nervous though, and it makes me angry that the events that caused the PTSD are making this knee surgery more stressful than it would be otherwise. I am still definitely ready to get it over with, though, and to have a break from work stress (although there is still worry about whether when I return to work I will be told that my position is being eliminated because of the gov't budget cuts).
Fortunately, today will be busy (I am working in the morning, then have a noon massage , have some errands to run and some house cleaning to do, and then a counseling appointment), so there will be limited time to really think about it too much, and I am hoping that helps.
Ok, time for a sleeping pill and to wake up my sleepy fluffy baby to take him up to bed.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
i wish i knew what to say to make you feel better, but i know when you have anxiety that most things people say usually just make it worse (at least that's how it is for me).
so i'll talk about totally different things (feel free to ignore me if that's not how the anxiety works for you, i'm also slightly delirious from writing all day). how does restoril work for you? i took it pre-op and am on ambien now but am not enjoying the side effects. this also may be more stress inducing, but how is your dissertation coming? i haven't seen you mention it in awhile.
also, i'm super jealous of your massage!
Not long now. When you get your new knee, you will be so happy. The pain is less than the artheroscopic surgeries and I bet less than your RnY. You have been doing your exercises to build muscle memory and it will be there for you.
You did get a raised toilet seat, right? Shortly after one of my knee replacements, I was out shopping and had to use the restroom and did not even think about the darn seat. I remembered it at the point where there was no turning back and had to literally climb the walls to get myself up.
Wishing you a great surgery and knowing that the professionals will be helping you will bring you some comfort and less anxiety.
The Joint Center has a social worker at the hospital who takes care of getting people whatever items they need before they go home, so I will get the toilet seat from her before I am released.
i have been trying to strengthen the muscles in my legs and doing the exercises for the muscle memory, but the former has been difficult because the knee has been so sore and swollen. My abdominal muscles are fairly strong, though... Although I'm not sure that will help, LOL.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Lora, I wish I could say or do something to help relieve you of your stress and anxiety. Before you know it this will all be behind you and your new knee will be the best thing for you. I'm glad you have your Mom close by to help you. And you have Gus who loves you so much. You are in my thoughts and prayers these days. Take a deep breath and keep telling yourself you will get past this and be better for it once you so!!!
on 3/3/13 9:27 pm
Hi Lora,
I have been thinking about you and the upcoming surgery. I can honestly say that I was anxious leading up to my replacement ...anxious about the pain, how i was going to manage. I had laparoscopic surgery on the knee a few years ago and it was extremely painful. Having listened to hearsay about the pain of knee replacements, i was expecting the worst. I came close to cancelling but so glad i didn't. Much to my surprise, the pain, after the knee replacement was not as bad as the prior surgery. I think the pain meds this time were managed much better and the instruction for getting around more effective.
I can't say i completely relate to your anxiety level and never would presume to, because i haven't been through what you have in your past. It sounds like you have thought through all the contingencies and prepared as best you can. Your having done the exercises beforehand is huge. Hopefully, you have gotten the shower seat and the toilet arms/ seat all set cause they are so important.
All i know is that when i woke up and started moving, the old pain was gone. The new pain of course had to be dealt with, but in my head I knew that it was temporary and definitely going to go away in a matter of weeks. Do whatever PT tells you, no matter how simplistic or uncomfortable it is at first and keep it up. Following thru with exercises is critical. Ice, Ice, Ice goes without saying. Try to gt off the walker and on to crutches as soon as you can, the walker was a nuisance for me. I felt like I was progressing better with the crutches. I also found out that once the incision is healed closed and as soon as you can stand it, massaging that suture line will help keep it flexible, stimulate the new blood vessel connections and reduce the appearance of the scar. I was told to use vit. E oil, which i knew about, or a massage oil with E in it. Massaging the muscles behind the knee and all around helps me as well since they want to tighten because of the trauma. It actually feels pretty good to do this (now).
Okay, i have gone on long enough. I will be thinking of you! You have something for recovery that I didn't and so jealous of...GUS! When you hurt, having him to pet, cuddle and hug is going to go a long way for your recovery! I am a big believer in the power of pet love.
Hugs,
Cindy
Thanks, Cindy. I am trying to focus on the fact that the surgical pain WILL be temporary and will replace the pain that I have every single day and that makes it so hard to do so many things. It is very encouraging to hear that yours was less painful than the arthroscopic surgery since my previous bad experience after the meniscus repair is part of what causes me to worry so much.
Yes, I have my little Gus-Gus to cheer me up and make me laugh. He is also frequently underfoot, though, so I am going to have to be very careful about knowing exactly where he is at all times once I come back home, because he is a fall just waiting to happen!
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I can't even begin to imagine the stress this all has on you but just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you. It sounds like you have been much more organized in your preparations than I was when I had mine. Your pain level will be better than when you had your arthroscopic surgery and really after the first few days was only bad with therapy. So as long as you time pain meds you should do great. You will feel so much better to be rid of the constant rubbing in the joint that it will all be worth it!