Mostly OT: Panic Attacks

Short version (well, as short as I can make anything):  I have had 2 panic attacks in the past three days just because of the buildup of various stressors, not the least of which are related to this knee surgery (the surgery itself and myriad tangential issues), my current job, and  -- ironically -- the Dept of Defense sequestration cuts (and the associated anticipated job losses that may very well include my job).  I am, very simply, completely overwhelmed ATM and I am not sure I can go through with this knee surgery no matter how much sense it makes to do it NOW.   The most recent attack was this evening after a session with my therapist. I could feel the panic rising during the session, but managed to keep it under control until after I left (mostly because we heard her next client arrive in the waiting room more than a half hour early, and I was very aware that there was someone out there in the waiting room).  It took 2 Ativan to get it under control, and I completely forgot about a support group meeting and a phone call I was supposed to make before 9pm.

Pure venting follows... feel free to skip...

Between thinking of what they actually DO during the surgery (makes me physically nauseous), worrying about post-op pain and pain during PT (and remembering how painful it was just having arthroscopic surgery a number of years ago to repair a torn meniscus... and not being able to convince myself that the fact that I weighed TWICE what I do now had a LOT to do with the pain level... and that being HALF that size and stronger should help A LOT)), worrying about whether I am going to be able to manage at home by myself afterward (stairs, daily tasks, caring for Gus, how to get to all the PT sessions (they are apparently more frequent than I anticipated)), being acutely aware of how limited my options are for people to ask for help if I need something after surgery, feeling psychologically vulnerable because I know I will be so physically vulnerable for a while and no longer have even Max (my Scottie) around to bark if he hears something, let alone not having Khan (or another full grown Chow) to protect me if someone WERE to try to get into the house (oh, the joys of the semi-irrational fears of PTSD) , not being able to get to counseling sessions until I can drive... then combining my high frustration level with my job with worry about what happens if my job gets cut when (if) the sequestration cuts go through, how to pay the bills (unemployment doesn't even come close to paying just essential bills let alone provide any way to pay for medical insurance under COBRA!)  Then add normal, typical types of stress (trying to get STD paperwork filled out in time, my Prelude has an evil light that just came on yesterday, so I need to get it into the shop, my electric bill was almost $350 last month (thanks to a lot of cold weather, Max going in and out more because he was drinking/peeing so much the last two weeks of his life, then having Gus going in and out every 2 hours...). 

AAAARGH.    Ok, vent over.

 

It is seriously all I can do to keep from calling the surgeon's office to cancel the knee replacement surgery.  I know, though, that if I do that and then I lose my job, I am really screwed.  Instead, I am going to go open the brand new box of Thin Mints in my freezer, pet my fluffy puppy (who is sleepy because he got shots today), and watch some mindless "guilty pleasure" television that I have recording.

Lora

Oh I'm so sorry, I have had panic attacks for 17 years and they suck, I take 2 meds and therapy but sometimes they sneak Thier way in. I hope you get this resolved. ((((Hugs))))

I understand. 

Can I help at all?  I'd be happy to drive you to PT or something after surgery.

Wow you have a lot on your plate,Lora. I can see where the upcoming surgery on top of all your job issues would cause panic attacks.I am sure that you will do fine after surgery. There is pain with the rehab but is tolerable and meds help. As far as getting yourself to therapy my insurance covered pt at home until the doctor cleared me to drive. You will feel so much better physically after you have your surgery-it will be a blessing. Oh and by the way the arthroscopic surgery I had prior to my replacement hurt worse than the replacement itself. Take a big breath and enjoy your pup and mindless TV!

Do not cancel that surgery.  If you are like me, you are having incredible knee pain.  I had both my knees replaced, six months apart about 3 years ago.  Up until now, it was the best thing I ever did.  The pain afterwards wasn't as bad as the pain I had been having for years.    I had a physical therapist come to the house for the first couple of weeks then I had to go three times a week.  It was a pain finding the time but I went one month for the first one and two months for the second.  I'm still amazed sometimes when I can stand for long periods or walk a long way without pain.  And I was 230 pounds at the time, you should have a much easier time.

I know this is so stressful for you.  What I did is look forward to "me" time after the surgery, time to relax and take care of me.

Also, I didn't have a hard time getting around the house.  An active puppy might be a challenge but you should be able to do most everything for yourself.  Plan ahead and have a walker (which you will use for a week or so) and a cane (I got mine at the local drug store).  A shower chair is helpful too  (I just took the walker right in the shower) as is a handicap bar across from the toilet (or something you can use to help yourself up since you won't be able to bend that knee for a while).

Get easy to fix foods and stock up so you don't have to go to the store.

Try to relax, you really need to get this done while you have insurance.  Look forward to the things you will be able to do without pain.

Good luck, keep us posted.  Soon it will be done and you can get on with your life!!

 

Linda

It was a great reply you gave to Lora.  I don't know if you did this all by yourself,or had a mate or companion or family to help out.

If Lora had lots of help and didn't have to do 99% of this herself, forgive me Lora as I am directing at the previous poster.  She is caught in a catch 22 position all the way around. I had a brother that lived in Springfield and lived in a 100 year old 2 story house.  Surgeries were difficult for him because he was having to depend upon himself and be able to take care of himself and feed his own cats, go to the basement to change litter boxes which was one thing that he would have to take his vicodin, then feed his own cats and feeding ferrel cats outside.  His bathroom was upstairs and bedrooms as well and it was almost impossible but he did it but the stairs were extremely difficult He couldn't take alot of vicodin because of his sensitivity and just plain knocked his ass out.  He also had to take adivan for his anxiety.and needed both knees done.  He said he would have to wait to do the second one because it was more than he could handle trying to find rides to PT and all the other factors very similar to Lora's.  He suffered for years with his knees, and yes he was alot older than Lora and was covered by Medicare.  Lora has to worry about cut backs and then if she loses her job, no frikking insurance and who knows what would happen after that. So every thing Lora stated is a fact and it may be more than she can handle right now.  Lora is a strong person, but we all know sometimes it can overwhelm us to a point to not being able to mentally and physically handle it and that in itself is debilitating.  It can paralyze oneself and unending anxiety.     

Yes we know that surgery will help tremendously but it's all the stuff in between that Lora is concerned about.  I am not saying to cancel Lora, but I will support you 100% whatever decision you make.  No judgment here.  Snow season isn't even over in Ohio and let me tell you, unless you have lived there, that will be another factor to keep in mind.  Life is a crap shoot.  It's a roll of the dice.  Also many of us know that each person recovers differently from surgery and there are no set rules on pain, recovery time and this all the other factors.

So Lora, again if you were to cancel, I wouldn't blame you on bit, because there is so much that is going on that are important factors.  I suppose insurance would be a major motivator but if the negatives outway  the positives right now, maybe you need  more time.  It's like telling someone there is no crime in re-scheduling your WLS if you don't feel you aren't ready to physically and emotionally handle it. 

So this is just my thoughts on it.  Doesn't make it right or wrong.  It is what it is.  My best to you Lora.  Jane

I do not have panic attacks (I had one a long time ago on a plane, so I do know how tterrifying they can be) and my issues are purely physical.  You have insurance now and you need the surgery,  No matter what happens jobwise, you will have that done and over with.

Whatever you do to calm yourself, try to make yourself understand that going ahead with the surgery now is the best choice you can make.

Good luck with everything.  I might add that after many artheroscopies on both knees, the replacement was not nearly as painful.

Future ******g will not help anything.  We must prepare for the future but we can only control what we have control over.  I am glad you had some Ativan as that is exactly what it is for, when you are overwhelmed, but you are overwhelming yourself unnecessarily.  As you get ready for a new knee that you totally deserve and need, remember to take care of the pain as soon as it shows it's head.  I would aske for Home Health Services from the hospital where you are having the surgery or from Visiting Nurses.  A CPM unit right away, while hospitalized, along with cryotherapy machine will help PT to not be painful.  If you get a PT that doesn't listen to you, fire him or her.  Home Health can offer you a nurse, one to two times a week, home health aide two times a week for light cleaning and showering, OT can help adapt your environment, increase accessibility, RN can help with meds and pain management, and PT will get you going.  But you are the consumer and pay all of them, so take charge!!!  You are one of the brightest and clear thinking advocate for others that I have ever heard from.  We all will be here for you, hour by hour during the tough times.  You can do this!  Allison

Lora, i have had two partial replacements, 4 years later one had to be converted to a total, i so wish i had  the total to begin with, I did have to stop looking  it up on the internet, to many horror stories, My Dr also had a meeting we all had to attend that was very helpful, Yes, there is pain, but it was not near as bad as the open RNY,  talk to your Ortho about your concerns, does he have a PA? mine was wonderful, i have to agree with above poster, JUST DO IT< i know how very hard this is for you but  you are going to be amazed how this improves your quality of life, It is sad we Have to work around doing this type of thing when we do have insurance but the total cost of knee replacement is  unbelievable, Is your mom able to help you at all? I have several friends who did it alone, it was hard, but people came to check on them and they had all of the above set in place, now i am rambling on, good luck to you, I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS, dENISE

I can't really add more than what's been said in the previous posts, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that you are going through all this and that you are in my prayers.

Randy