relationship issues need advice
You can't make him see or understand anything. It sounds like he doesn't trust you. If you haven't given him any reason not to trust you, then that's his issue, not yours.
I would just tell him "This jealousy is driving me crazy. I want you to stop behaving this way."
You could offer to go to counseling with him, or he could go to counseling by himself (or both), but if he is insecure, that's not something you can fix.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I agree with everyone who says this is his issue, not yours. Unfortunately it is negatively impacting you, but ultimately he has to decide to trust you wholeheartedly or not. There is no in between.
I think he is overstepping his boundaries by far by going on your phone and monitoring your activity, and that should stop. I would be furious with DH if he did that.
I don't have any suggestions on how to deal with this other than counseling. He will have to make up his mind and stop this behavior for himself; likely nothing you say will penetrate since he is acting out of emotion.
Good luck
I fight badgers with spoons.
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He is insecure and will need reassurance.....open communication is key. You also need to let him know that some of the things he is doing will not be tolerated. I hope it works out for you.
~ CJ Bradley - Lapband Surgery 7/2007 with many complications. 2012 Seeking Revision to RNY. 2013 Revision denied. Trying to work with band.
I'm down almost 80 lbs and my hubby is not one bit jealous- he is very excited about my weight loss. I would have a very hard time with him being like your husband. I would feel like I couldn't breathe. You know you aren't doing anything wrong- you know you love him- it is HIS problem and if he doesn't work on it- I would run.
I have no advice really just wanted to wish you luck and say that you are not alone... My hubby is still jealous... to the point of saying if I get the plastics I want that we are through :(
Hopefully in time he will realize that you love him and only him and his feelings of insecurities will pass... That's what I'm waiting for too... its not easy tho... {{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}
Debbie :)
I have heard of this type of issue a lot of times after a wife has WLS. While it may not be "normal," it is not uncommon. The only thing that I have heard that really works at getting the issue resolved (or at least under control) is counseling. I wish you luck.
HW: 274 | SW: 232 | CW: 137 | Goal: 145 (ticker includes a 42 pound loss pre-op) | Height: 5'4"
M1: -24 (205) | M2: -14 (191) | M3: -11 (180) | M4: -7 (173) | M5: -7 (166) | M6: -8 (158) | M7: -11 (147) | M8: -2 (145) | M9: -3 (142) | M10: -2 (140) | M11: -4 (136) | M12: -2 (134) | M13: -0 (134) | M14: -3 (131) | M15: +4 (135) | M16: +2 (137)
on 1/25/13 9:30 am - OH
me and my hubby have been together for 6 yrs married for 3, and i was a little bigger then this when we got together and then got real big. Here lately he has been acting really werid always checking what i am doing who i am with, who i talking to standing over my shoulder while i am on facebook or OH. Last night i left my phone in the car and he took it to work when he got home he was mad, he had gone though my phone text messgaes and facebook acct messages. he saw that i text my daughter guy friend about helping us move and picking him up to do so, this is a 15 yr old kid and he was mad about it he said i should not be picking up, texting him, btw the boy walked to ny house to help us load the uhaul last week which is a 3 mile walk. then on facebooj he saw i wished one of my old friend a happy bday the friend is a guy and i know he doesnt like him but i was not hiding it or anything. it poped up that he bday was that week. he was so mad at me. he says that i am not longer attracted to him and i am falling out of love with him because i am getting skinny and he is still his words not mine "FAT" What do i do how do i make him see and understand that i am not leaving and dont want to be with anyone but him, and how do i tell him that his jealousy is driving me crazy. i am always telling him i love him i am always showing him affection and etc.. i dont understand. I am not out running around with people, partying or anything like that. so confused and hurt
There really is so much here, however, I'm not going to try and address them all.
1. Let's start with the topic - relationship issues need advice. For me, this sounds like it felt like more than an innocent adjustment phase.
2. Acting 'really' weird; 'always' checking what I'm doing, who I'm with; 'standing over' my shoulder. That sounds unhealthy and inappropriate to me. If any of our daughters, sisters or friends related this type of behavior - we'd be hard pressed to think of it as acceptable. The fact that someone can identify what triggered the behavior - does not excuse the behavior.
3. He had gone through my phone text messages and facebook acct messages. Whether there was something to hide or not, is not the point (ie if there is something to hide, then that's a different issue). Feeling insecure shouldn't reach the level of searching through the other partner's things.
4. He was mad [about the text to the 15 yr old guy-kid-boy], repeat - he was mad. I may start an avalanche of discourse here, however, GENERALLY speaking (very generally speaking) woman relate to a 'guy' on a different level than they do someone they consider a 'kid' or 'boy.' Furthermore, the guy-kid-boy walked to 'my' house [I'm just saying - well I think you know what I'm saying].
5. So confused. Me too.
But to get back to the topic, you may be sending some mixed messages, without realizing it. So since you asked for advice - please look at what you may be doing to contribute to the insecurity. If you are emotionally flirting or cheating, then stopping the behavior would certainly help. Having sad that, this level of mistrust - exhibited by the aforementioned behaviors, is over the top and begs to question, 'where does it go from here?' This can escalate and become very dangerous.
Take care of you and consider the counseling, individually and together.
Best Wishes!!!
(Don't hate).
