Dealing with maintenance (long term vets jump in please)

Sometimes subjects seem like they need to be addressed in a general way from questions that I see being asked.

Todays subject du jour: Maintenance

When you move into the maintenance phase of your journey it is often hard in it's own ways.

• You stop having the joy (in my case, the fist pump) of seeing pounds come off/scale victories.
• Your clothing size doesn't change therefore new clothing isn't needed.
• People stop ohhing and ahhing about how you have changed.

By now, hopefully, you have to go ahead with the new normal that you have learned during the losing phase without the 'reward' of the above. You may feel a little lost without that 'goal' that you have chased for so long. You made the decision to have surgery....wait, wait, wait.......get in a program/surgeon and take all the steps.....wait, wait, wait.......get a surgery date.......wait, wait, wait....... You get the picture, always a next step. Now you are at the final  and often most difficult step, maintenance.

Most people stop coming here for their daily, weekly or monthly support (and that is fine!!). You only see your Dr once a year but you have to think about vitamins and eating right every day. AND DARN IT, I'm not being congratulated for it!! By congratulated I mean the scale isn't moving, your body isn't changing, you may have droopy skin and yes, the verbal congratulations have probably stopped too.

Can you see how and why regain may sneak into the picture?

For me, staying on OH and trying to pay it forward has been good for me. You have to find what works for you to succeed in the long term.

I hope that Lora (and some other vets Laura, Kim, Nik and others that I can't think of this minute, please don't feel like I have slighted you!) have time to jump in here because I admire your opinions as I do all of the vets that have continued to maintain.

Martha

Excellent post and so true!  Although I don't consider myself a vet I am a long time vet of WLS, having failed my first one.  Why?  Because I never grasped the concept of maintenance for one thing.  I never thought I had to do anything, that the surgery would do all the work for me.  There are a lot of reasons I had that belief but in hindsight I can see how ridiculous that thinking was.

Yesterday I compared maintenance to pregnancy and having a baby.  It's kind of a stretch but having had 5 kids I remember all the attention I got during my pregnancy and the first few months after the baby was born.  But soon that attention was gone and I was stuck raising this crying, pooping creature with only the help of other, more experienced mothers to help me.  And I couldn't send it back when the going got rough.  I was in it for life, even now 30 years after the first one.

It's the same thing with surgery.  We don't have the option of throwing in the towel.  Well, some of us kind of act like we do but no matter what we are changed for life.  Our bodies are never the same and our lives are never the same.  We can't go back to the way we used to be.  And like parenthood there are certain periods that are more challenging then others.  Many start to regain around 2 to 3 years, which also happens to be one of the most challenging times of parenthood, too.  The novelty has worn off and there is a lot of work with a stubborn, tantruming toddler.  What worked before may not work now.  And it is work.

For me, I don't celebrate my surgery date.  I celebrate that day because that was the first day of my new way of eating.  I am more proud of the fact that I haven't had to eat the way I did before since that day, that I have managed to stay away from sugar and gluten since that day, with the help of my surgery.  I celebrate every day, week, month and year that my weight stays stable.  I rejoice in the fact that I have clothes in my closet that I have been able to wear for over a year and a half, pretty much a first for me.  I am happy that I can run into people that I haven't seen for a while and they aren't seeing my visible weight gain like they would of in the past when I lost weight.  I can go back to my doctor's and get on the scale and not have to wince and apologize for the gain.  I can go to the thrift store and pick out clothes without having to try them on because I know they will fit.  I don't have to pull out a pair of jeans from the back of the closet and worry they won't button or put them back because I know they will never fit me now.

Most of all I celebrate that I am free from the food obsessions that have plagued me since childhood.  I can enjoy food without worshipping it.  I can participate in holidays, parties, potlucks and my birthday (tomorrow!) without the focus on the food and not the company.  I can go out to eat and not be envious of what others are eating but happy with what I have.

I know that an important part of my maintenance is continuing to give and receive support, staying in contact with others who are on this journey with me, no matter where we are on that road, we aren't alone.  No matter what we have done or thought there is always someone who can relate to our changing bodies, relationships and lives.  

I try to make it a priority to get on OH at least once a day and to try to participate in the threads and give support and advice as I am able and to reach out for the support and advice as needed.  I am not in this alone even though the people around me on a daily basis may not understand, I know where there are people who will.  It helps me remember to get in my protein, fluids and vitamins and to avoid things that don't work for me.  It helps me feel good that I may be able to use my negative experience with my first WLS in order to help others avoid the pitfalls and mistakes I made.  I am so glad there are people here that are committed, too, to sticking around and helping those that come behind them.

Thank you for starting this thread.

Happy birthday tomorrow Ladytazz! 

You are still one of my WLS heroes!

Thank you for your kind words and for the birthday wishes.  I am working tomorrow and I plan on bringing in a cake for my co workers to enjoy even though I won't partake.  I will bring the leftovers home to my daughter even though there is already some left from an earlier celebration.  Unless I get ambitious and figure out something I can make that we all can enjoy, like my sugar free, gluten free cheese cake. 

Your childbirth/child rearing analogy is spot on for me.   Thank you for this, so very much.

(And, as an aside -- THANK YOU for the lucid, clear, correctly spelled, grammatically correct and appropriately paragraphed post.  It is a true delight to read.   I have to confess I am so damn grumpy after having been on OH for 18 months plus and reading so very, very many close to illiterate postings.)

I know, my problem, my issue, but ohmygawd, your post is just what these grumpy old eyes needed.

Cheers!

Marilyn

This made me giggle!  After 4 and 1/2 years on here, I've seen some posts that make my head spin!  I just abandon some because I can't get past the grammar/structure.........and I'm not being the grammar police....some are just horrendous!

HAPY NEWS YR AND I HOPE WE CAN LOOSE WAIT IN THE NEW YR....(giggle giggle giggle)

Thanks, Kim!  As elitist as I may sound, I have actually blocked people to save myself the agony of their posts.  (A real case of take what you need and leave the rest.  If I don't see it, my blood pressure thanks me.)

Happi nu yr 2 u 2 *snork*

mmm

I did that once, too. Just seeing a post on the list from one particular person made my blood pressure rise.  They apparently left, though (or have ME blocked)...

Lora

The 2000 word paragraph drives me nuts!!!   I rarely reply because I'm a snarky old biddy who can't be ass'd to read it,  if you can't be ass'd to write it properly ...