heartbreak
I just buried my Granny. I will not even try to explain how painful this has been. She was an incredible person and so full of faith in her battle. But, what I do want to say is that today after her interment, I made me not one but two martinis (sweet-n-sour was sugar free) because I needed it. You know what? I do not feel guilty. I obey our rules 85% of the time. I just wanted others to know, I'm OK with that. Life (and death) happens. Will I go crazy and have 5 of my martinis? No. But, you know what, we are still normal people with the same coping mechanisms. I guess what I am trying to say is: this surgery will not dictate our reactions. My coping mechanism does not have to be yours, but I want to let you know that it's OK if you have a handle on it. Everyone talks about transfer addiction. I am not scared that I will make me a few martinis to deal. I can still be mindful of my limitations.
Please send a prayer to Frances Russell. She is with her maker now, that I do not doubt. It does not have to be an issue of how you cope. Just that you know what you are doing and why and when to stop. It's ok to cope the best way you know how and it not be a lot of drama.
I really just don't want people to be scared of normal, even alcoholic, ways to respond. It does not have to mean you are automatically an addict.
God bless you, granny! I love you and will see you again one day.
So sorry for your loss. I remember losing my grandma, it was so hard. They are very important people in our lives, I was thankful to have her as long as I did.
You shouldn't feel guilty. No one ever said we wouldn't have some things that "aren't good for us". For today just take care of yourself and get back on your plan tomorrow,
