OT: Why do I still let him get to me?? Sorry it's long....
A little background, the man that I married and I don't live together and haven't for a few years now. He forced me to give up the house that we bought when I was 19 and I swore that I wouldn't leave until they took me out in a box. I had already moved 13 times in my life and never wanted to again. I brought all 5 of my babies home to that house!! He now lives there with the woman he was cheating on me with (well, the latest one anyway).
Last Christmas he invited my 2 youngest daughters to go there and being stupid teenagers they forgot to tell me until Dec 23 which left me without plans. My oldest daughter invited me to her place with her in-laws and I did go there. Well this year is the year (our married kids alternate Christmas with one set of parents one year and Thanksgiving the other) for us to have Christmas together and the plan was to go to the same oldest daughters house and my husbands girlfriend was invited too (the first time she has been invited to a all family holiday). That was not because I wanted her there for myself, but I wanted him to be with his children and grandchildren on this holiday.
Today he tells me that the girlfriend is cooking dinner and everyone is invited there. Apparently one of my sons, his wife and their 3 kids are going there along with my brother and sister-in-law and my mother-in-law. This same son lives next door to my old house and I asked hubby if we could all go there because their house is bigger and I told him it's like Sweden (neutral territory). I said that I would buy and cook all the food and clean afterwards so it wouldn't be work for my daughter-in-law and hubby said no.
I know that my depression is bad lately and I am working on meds and going to therapy but geezzz, this sucks!!! I was at my old house to pick up some things a couple of weeks ago and I cried all the way home, she has totally redecorated and the place is butt ugly!! How can he expect me to be a guest of HERS in MY house??
Sorry for the rant....my oldest daughter is trying to work it out 
High 250/Consult Weight 245/Surgery 205/Now 109
Height 5'4.5" BMI 18.4
In maintenance since June 2009 
Wow. What an insensitive ass! How could he NOT know that it would be hurtful for you to have to go back to YOUR home and have his home wrecker girlfriend host the holiday meal?!? (Sorry, she may be a very nice person, but I have ZERO respect for women who date married men.) I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this just to be able to spend the holiday with your children and grandchildren. I hope your daughter is able to broker something less painful.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Thanks Lora....I don't think that he feels and absolutely has no empathy for others. Back when our first 3 kids were toddlers he would go plow snow on Christmas so "the guys with kids could stay home". I said "What do you think these are, puppies?" No clue.....the look on his face was priceless!
The girlfriend was a friend of ours, LOL! I feel thee same way you do about women who date married men. But what do you get when you go out with a married man? Someone that will cheat on you (and I know for a fact that he does, tee hee).
High 250/Consult Weight 245/Surgery 205/Now 109
Height 5'4.5" BMI 18.4
In maintenance since June 2009
You should NOT have to have a holiday with your ex and his girlfriend ever! Its not fair and not acceptable! Make other plans!
Family Dr. 06/05/2012 Referral Received 06/28/2012 Orientation 08/01/2012 NP 08/27/2012
SW 08/28/2012 Nut Class 08/27/2012
NUT 10/01/2012 PS 10/01/2012
Surgeon Dr. Cyriac 12/07/2012 **SURGERY JAN 30, 2013**
OMGoodness! What Lora said ^^^^
How in the world can he be so heartless?!? Of course, if he were a kind, thoughtful person then you would probably still be with him. It's a tough situation for you, especially since children and grandchildren are involved. If you don't participate, then you look like a ***** If you do, then you suffer. WOW...what a jerk!
To answer the question in your subject line, you let him get to you because you have children together. He's an ass.
Janet
- Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss~
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I have nothing but tears and hugs for you. I am seeing that this is probably going to be my future - hubby of 12 years and I are currently separated, and he refuses to stop interacting with the ***** family-wrecker ... um, I mean, our daughter's former nanny. It might be innocent interaction now, and it even may have been then; but damn, when it bothers one of the people in the marriage, respect that, will you? Sorry, slipped into me mode.
He is being an insensitive ass. And you let it get to you because you care. It sucks, but it is hard to turn that "care" feature off. When you find a way to do that, please please please let me know.
HW: 274 | SW: 232 | CW: 137 | Goal: 145 (ticker includes a 42 pound loss pre-op) | Height: 5'4"
M1: -24 (205) | M2: -14 (191) | M3: -11 (180) | M4: -7 (173) | M5: -7 (166) | M6: -8 (158) | M7: -11 (147) | M8: -2 (145) | M9: -3 (142) | M10: -2 (140) | M11: -4 (136) | M12: -2 (134) | M13: -0 (134) | M14: -3 (131) | M15: +4 (135) | M16: +2 (137)
It is tough when you love your kids so much that you just want to have it be nice. Just 2 weeks ago our youngest daughter had her 17th birthday. I invited him to join us in a dinner out and he did. Both our teenage daughters and he and I all had a great time. It was a special gift to her....
High 250/Consult Weight 245/Surgery 205/Now 109
Height 5'4.5" BMI 18.4
In maintenance since June 2009
