OT: Why do I still let him get to me?? Sorry it's long....

Thank you for adding that. I am trying so hard to have us all together without losing my mind. So far I have done well, but going to MY house with her as the hostess is just a bit too much for me.

What a worthless clod he is! I'd like to see him dragged naked through a stadium full of used cat litter. And what makes Suzy Homewrecker think she gets to go all Martha Stewart and play lady of the manor?! Arrgh, I could go on and on.

I'm sorry. (((hugs))) This is truly a ****ty situation. I hope your daughter will be able to negotiate a better way to celebrate.

OMG RosyKate!!  Drag him naked through a stadium of used cat litter....YOU MADE ME LAUGH!!!! I will think of that every time I clean the litter box!!!

I think it will work out the way it is supposed to and the kids will know that I tried my best. Thank you.

Awwwww.... so sorry, Martha. No real words of wisdom, just hugs!!

Thanks Laura.....venting in a safe place is good!!

Uggghhhhh, men!  They can be so stupid and insensitive and totally clueless.  And it's so hard when there are kids - you're right, we love them so much we will do just about anything to make them happy and have nice holidays.  Can you still go to your oldest daughter's house for Christmas?  And maybe for those that choose to go to their father's, you could plan a special Christmas Eve dinner/celebration with them? 

I struggled with the holidays/ex-husband/daughter/family stuff for many years and it was always a PITA, no matter what.  And yes, a couple of times I ended up "home alone" on Christmas - I should have watched the movie, maybe it would have cheered me up.  Anyhow, I finally got tired of all the holiday craziness and told my daughter I just had no desire to see her father - I did it every year until she was 21 just to make her happy, but enough was enough.  So now she and I spend Christmas Eve together and she goes to her dad's on Christmas morning.  Much harder for you with 5 kids, I realize.....but there comes a time when YOU shouldn't have to be miserable (especially in your former HOME, for crying out loud!).  Talk to your kids, be honest with them, and explain to them that it's just not working trying to incorporate all these people/places/cooks into one occasion.  Tell them you want them to be happy, but you need to set some limits to make the holidays easier for you.

This time of year is so hard for many of us.....depression seems to worsen and family members seem to be tugging us every-which-way.  Do, please, try to make it a little easier on yourself.....you really don't have to please everyone. Your kids will still love you, and they know how much you love them.

Many hugs, and wishes for a peaceful holiday, Kathy

Thanks Kathy.....I am going to keep trying to be together as long as I can move a bone in this skinny body! My kids are almost all adults, but we share grandchildren too. I will try for them too.

Other than the fact that I have two kids and you have five,  we are in the same situation.   However ...  I wouldn't spend Christmas with my ex and his girlfriend for anything.   I am very civilised (for the children) and we have done birthdays (21st etc) on neutral territory but I would rather poke my eye out with a red hot poker than spend a holiday with them in my old home ...

I have moved  on and so have they and my children respect that.   We manage to work out holidays and hosting such that we get to see our children without anyone having to give up anything - I promise you, it can be done if EVERYONE (including the children) realises that this is clearly not healthy for you!

I hope you manage to work it out so YOU are happy!

I'm still working on it. Thanks Kim.