Delayed sense of smaller body size

Lots of us have problems when we lose weight with our brains catching up with our smaller size. It took me about 2 years of looking at myself and others in store windows, elevator doors, pictures, etc. for me to convince my brain that I was 145 pounds instead of 330 pounds. I have felt like a normal sized person. Not skinny (because I am not (although there are parts of me that might be considered skinny), just normal.

The past month has been REALLY stressful (having the replacement Chow puppy get killed was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back) and I have -- for the first time in my life -- zero interest in eating. Except for cookies and junk. I will ALWAYS want cookies... and Strawberry Haagen Dazs... and those Werther's Caramel chews. I have been having to force myself to eat my meals. As a result, instead of being at the 147 pounds that I have been maintaining for the last 3.5 years, I am now back down to my lowest weight (142 pounds), which is actually a couple of pounds under my goal weight.

Even though it is only 5 pounds, and it doesn't get me into a smaller clothing size, I *feel* smaller. Lots of people have called me "petite" since I lost the weight, and told me that I look shorter as well as smaller, but I have never thought of myself as petite (just short) since my thighs and boobs are so large. Yet the past couple of days, I have been aware of feeling small. I didn't feel this way when I was this same weight at 20 months out, though. It is just... weird.

I am just wondering if anyone else had a similar "delayed" reaction as far as their sense of body size. My professional training usually comes in handy for at least understanding these kinds of things, but I am at a loss as to why such a difference in self perception with only a 5 pound loss.

Lora

I have had the hardest time lately with my body image.  I am 18 months out and down over 120 lbs but still only see the fat me.  I bought pants off of ebay (NWT) last week that were a size 10P to spur me into losing.  Kind of like incentive to start losing again.  I have pretty much stalled for the last 4 months.  Well, lo and behold, I got them today and not only do they fit, they may be a little big!  In October, I got a mastopexy and thought that would help with my self image.  Pre-RNY I was a 44E and as I lost, they became so deflated and pointed only south.  Now, I am still wearing soft bras (Genie bra size large) and haven't been fitted so I don't know what size I am now but he removed 3 lbs of skin!  Even though I am perky, I still feel like I see the old me.  I was in a situation where my department at work was planning a skill builder - think zip lines.  I voiced my concern over weight limits and the largest man in the group said, "why are you worrying, you weigh about 140 lbs."  While I wanted to thank him (I weigh 167), I just thought to myself, "when are you going to accept you are smaller?"  Whatever anyone says about WLS (any kind), the mind **** is the worst part.  I hope we can all get to a place where our weight, be it previous or present, doesn't define our brain activity.  Maybe our mindset is to reinforce what we achieved and not let us forget where we have come from.

2.5 years out and down 285 lbs..went from a size 42 at catherines to a size 8-ish now..i still find myself walking to the plus dept. out of instinct. -_-

I feel pretty small sometimes and other times I feel huge all weighing the same weight.  I understand the not wanting to eat, I capitalize when that happens, thats how I got to 137.  It will flip the other way and I will want to eat again, it always does.  I don't eat a lot when I am stressed out.  Enjoy your new weight!

Unfortunately, I never want to eat but I have to. I never in this lifetime thought that I would be small but I am skinny and don't like it. Sometimes by the time evening rolls around I am near tears knowing that I must eat and then again before bed. I will get back up to where I should be, but it is hard  Who knew?

When I was almost done losing I tried to strategically place myself in front of store windows to see what I looked like in comparison to other shoppers. I would ask my daughter (who is 31 and I am very close to) to point out someone else that was my size so that I might be able to see it. For me it took a good two years to be able to see myself at the size I am. I still, however, look at my jeans when I fold them and think that they look to small. I guess two years is a delayed reaction.......

Yeah, those store windows and having someone point out other people your size (my mom did this for me) definitely does help your brain adjust.

I'm sorry that you are not happy with your current size.  Since I will never have a "skinny" body type, I will never be in that place myself, but I can imagine that it would be difficult to adjust from being overweight enough to need WLS to feeling too skinny (from one extreme to the other).  I can also see that it would be a true balancing act to try to eat enough (especially when you hate eating) to gain weight without risking going back to the bad habits that made you obese.

 

Lora

I do that, too: "Do I look like that person?" Most often, the answer is no.

Funny how far off I am even before I have lost weight.

Many of us see our overweight bodies as smaller than we actually are and are shocked when we see photographs of ourselves with other people. Then, we have trouble seeing our smaller body!! It is crazy making!

Lora

Hey Lora, I'm so happy you are feeling smaller! I always have thought you have a smokin body.... Small, yet still curvy in all the right places!  Even tho I am relatively pretty new to all this (just over 10 months post op) when I would look in the mirror I didn't seem to have any clue what I was looking at.... But all of a sudden, my last 6 pounds it was as if I could see again, I could see a small person looking back at me, it feels good to finally 'see' our accomplishments!

Hi Lora -
Love seeing posts related to body images. Makes me realize - I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. I'm 20 months post op now and still can not wrap by brain around my size. All I ever here is how "tiny" I am. Now don't get me wrong - I'm well aware and realize I am significantly smaller than I was 20 months ago. However, it's weird - when I look in the mirror I do see the skinny person I am. But if I look down at my self either at my legs, tummy or my arms - I don't see it. I still have the fat girl feelings.
And it was interesting to see that people try to compare themselves to other people that look the same size. I work in a doctors office and weigh all my patients - I always do a double check/look when I weigh someone that weighs the same as me to compare myself with them.
Again - thanks for the post -
Look forward to reading all the other posts.
Jamie