Fail at the right things

That's the conclusion I came to today after an experience with my daughter jolted me. Long story short, somehow (stories are conflicting on how) she came to have a presence on Facebook that I don't know about. While this freaked me out, I also realized something. I've not been paying nearly enough attention to that child. So I am going to start.

But THAT led me to the essential challenge of nearly every mother and most certainly every single mother. There just aren't enough hours in a day. More time watching her like a hawk means something else goes by the wayside: maybe I don't go to an exercise class or test out a BF recipe or...something.

This is not a complaint. Love the bariatric community though I do I will drop each and every one of you in a heartbeat for my daughter! (Yes that sounds ****ty but it's the truth) But it led me to an epiphany of sorts. Prioritization automatically means something wins out over another thing. You really cannot do it all. And in that fact lies the very harsh reality that there are some things you are going to fail for having a lack of time, energy, mental capacity.

The key, I think, is to fail at the right things.

I'd rather fail as a blogger than fail as a mother. And I'd rather fail as a friend or spouse than to fail myself. 

I point this out because I meet so many post-ops with conflicting priorities and unsupportive families. They pull you in many directions as soon as you hit the door. There's dinner to be made, kids to bathe, homework to do and by the time that's all done you have no energy left for what's important to YOU.

You will not succeed in all things. You will fail in some things. Fail at the right things.

So maybe this means hubby (or wife) had to cook dinner and be mad and think you are a horrible spouse. Or maybe it means that you can't accept every single birthday party invite your kid brings home and they may think you're being mean. Or maybe it means you have to set boundaries at your job to ensure you can leave on time and they think you are a bit selfish. 

In all these instances you've failed to be perfect. Failed to acquiesce to everyone else's demands, you've failed to be Super man or woman but when it all boils down...perhaps you've failed at the *right* things so that you can also succeed. 

:)

This is the best post I have read in a long time!

And - now I am going to go ask my daughter if she is on facebook.....ok, she just said 'i don't know what you mean by that' so I guess i'm safe for now!  

I've got a coworker who says she's going to "Take that S (for Superwoman) off my chest" when she is tempted to commit to yet another thing.  

 This problem seems to be more widespread in the WLS world (or maybe we just talk about it more). So this is a great timely reminder, especially with the holidays roaring down on us.

Great points, Nik.

Very good post Nik. As a young 20-something sometimes my priorities are out of whack but with my returning to college in january for the first time in over a year I know my priorities are about to change. School/grades/studying have to become my priorities again. I will try to succeed where it counts and if I fail where it doesn't count I won't beat myself up over it. Thank you for reminding me that succeeding for me is more important than pleasing those around me.

I needed to hear this today. I spread myself so thin making sure that everyone else has what they want and need, that I very rarely get my own needs met. I need to learn how to put myself first sometimes, even if it ****** someone off.

Great post,Nik. Besides the children don't stay young and the next thing you know they are out on their own. We have to take the time to raise and teach them now before it's too late!

Welcome to that.

Our children mirror us.

I mean, my youngest does things like this and I post it for FUN.      Another child has a custom-set Facebook account for games-only.  My son is a gamer-freak.  My oldest is a blogger.  

Hold me.

There is a reason airlines tell you to put the mask on yourself first. You can't help anyone unless you've helped yourself first. Good for you! 

Omg Nik this brought years to my eyes. As a single mother I can relate. Today at work I had a heated discussion with my boss about leaving early for my boy's winter school dance. He made a snide remark that pissed me off. I go in early every day and most days work through lunch. I'm really starting to hate my job but there aren't any available jobs in my field locally. The men get treated different than the women, they come and go as they please any nothing is said.

I've had to give up some things and let others go because of time constraints. It wasn't easy because I do tend to want to be the "fixer" and I have the perfection mentality. My house use to be spotless I was having anxiety attacks trying to keep it up and run with work and kid activities. It took a lot of self talk to get there but I finally realized the house doesn't have to be perfect.

Good post. Thank you.