Thoughts on age, body image and WHAT is "old" ?

This weekend I spent extra time reading OH posts on all different boards, not just here at my RNY home base. I don't know if it was just me noticing it more, but a lot of what I read had to do with age and body image. One particular post was on the Lap Band forum where the poster said that when she was old and it didn't matter what she looked like, she might change her mind about her weight and having to be 'skinny'.  First, this whole weight loss thing isn't about looks, but our health, RIGHT?

Anyway.....what (if any) age is OLD to you? When I was 25 I'm sure that I thought of 55 as being old. Now that I am 55 I think that old is more a state of mind than a number or year of birth. I know people that are my age who ARE old and I also know people who were born well before me that are young.

I want to feel good in my body along with being healthy. Some friends (and I use that term loosely) asked me why I wanted to have breast implants....was it to "get a man"? HELL no, it was for ME. I worked really hard to lose this weight and to have the body of a teenaged boy was not what I wanted to have. I honestly had skin flaps with nipples! I could afford it, so I had the surgery and am happy that I did.

Thoughts from you on age?? How does age relates to body image?? Does age matter?? Kind of deep for a Monday morning after a long weekend, but I want to know what you think.

 

When I was younger, anything over 50 seemed old. Having just turned 50, though, it isn't "old"...just... "Mature". LOL

Does age matter? Of course. Does it matter more when you are over 50 than when you are over 30? I don't think so. I never had a "smoking hot" body, and did not expect one after losing weight (good thing, LOL). What my body looks like does still matter to me, however. I would not have spent over $14,000 on plastic surgery (mons lift, tummy tuck, and brachioplasty) if I didn't care. I would not have the "total detestation" (from a song from the musical "Wicked") of my thighs (and wouldn't go to great lengths to keep them covered in the summer) if it didn't matter to me. I worked hard to be able to maintain this weight loss and I want to feel positive about the body I now have. I am realistic enough to know that my over 50 body that was SMO for so long will never look like a younger body that was never SMO. My huge boobs were going to sag significantly even without the weight loss, for example, so the fact that they hang to my waist bothers me less than my hideous thighs.

I had surgery for health AND appearance reasons. Nothing about me was attractive at a BMI of 57!

Lora

I have more thoughts now about what is young than what is old!  I'm 37 now.  When I was 18 or even 25, I thought I was mature, and I was.  But I didn't have as much figured out as I thought I did, and I look back now and think how very young I was.  I work at a university and have since I was 24.  I used to think I looked like one of the students.  A couple of years ago I remember distinctly thinking, "my god, these kids are so young!"  Then I realized that they were the same age they've always been (and always will be), but I've gotten older.  I don't feel old, and I think that most people (except a teenager) wouldn't consider me old.  I agree with you that old is a state of mind as much as anything.  I just hope that one day I can recognize when my body physically is old and take it a little easier on it.

As for the skinny/plastic surgery stuff...  When I first had WLS, I was 29.  I would have told you that I was having surgery for my health, and some part of me was.  But I was also having surgery for my looks.  I wanted to look better and feel better.  I think we all do, right?  That's why we may consider plastic surgery when we get to goal.  I think it is easy to get caught up in your own issues and judge other people according to your own situation.  When I had the lapband, I was single.  I wanted to lose weight, look good, date more, find someone to spend my life with.  I might have told you that I needed to have plastic surgery because of all of that.  From that place, inside my own head, someone who is 50 and happily married, may not have needed plastic surgery as much as I did.  But now, 37 and happily married and having had band issues and a regain and surgery again, I had surgery for my health (more than last time) and also for my looks.  And I didn't have plastic surgery before because I never got to goal, but I might this time.  And I would need it just as much as someone who is younger and single-- it would make me feel better about myself just like it would them.  It's all a matter of perspective.

Maybe it is because of my "age" that I had WLS for my health and the improved appearance aspect was a positive by-product. Hummmm...... your post brings that thought process to light for me. I wonder if age has a health/appearance component factor to making the decision to have WLS. I didn't have any co-morbidies but knew they would come, and probably sooner rather than later.

OLD is an attitude. My mom is 57, and due to her attitude, she is now old. She has given up on life. She seldom leaves the house if she doesn't have to, and she's made many statements about being old and stuff not mattering anymore. (Is she depressed? You bet. But she won't address it and that's another post) Age doesn't have to mean giving up and not caring.

Now the funny thing about the poster whose commented that she is old and it doesn't matter anymore is that I felt that exact way before surgery (at age 37). I was sick and so depressed (despite medication). But now that I am so much healthier, I feel alive again. Losing 127 has made me look better, but the biggest impact is that I FEEL better.

So I think old is a state of mind, not an age. That's what the phrase young at heart refers to. And no, I don't think age matters one whit. I think as we mature, we may be less harsh toward our perceived physical flaws. I have some loose skin, no doubt, but it doesn't bother me as it would have when I was less mature.

edited for clarity

Age does matter and I do feel very old at times, I cannot imagine living another 20 years in this painful arthritis ridden body.  My mom died at 61, I guess that is my cut off age I am trying to achieve.  Although honestly if I found out the world was really ending on Dec 21, I doubt I would be all that broken up, and no need to buy Christmas gifts either.  Eventually I doubt I will care about my weight as much as I do now, somedays I don't even care now.  I guess living in chronic pain has taken its toll, some days I think the sooner it is over the better, other days I think life is fun, why would I want it to end.  Old to me is 50.  I am two years from it, if I make it.  Stress will probably be my killer.

I'm 42 and inside my body, I don't think I'm old.    A guy I work with recently told me I look younger with the weight loss now....and all I could think was that I didn't think I looked "old" either.   Age is relative, really,   when you are 21 even turning 30 seems old and awful.   But I imagine at 65, 42 will seem so young.   When it comes to age I always remind myself something that Goldie Hawn once said on a talk show that stuck with me, "Today you are as young as you are ever going to be."

As for body image, I don't know that its an age thing.   I got this surgery because I had debilitating acid reflux and I was promised this was the best answer to the problem.  And it was.   Before I even lost 10lbs I was feeling great and to me the surgery was a success.   So to be down nearly 60lbs since the whole process started is AMAZING to me and anything else I get is an additional blessing.   I don't expect perfection from my body, but I can be tough on myself when I look in the mirror.

When I was a teenager I thought 40 was old, lol.  I'm now 48 and I think 80 is old, lol.

Since WLS I feel much younger at 48 than I ever felt at 39 .  I'll be honest, looks are important to me so yes there are vanity issues (for me) related to WLS that I wouldn't have thought would happen before surgery.  I have had several plastic surgery procedures and if I could swing doing more I would; maybe one day.  I would LOVE to have my thighs done and a butt lift/implant.  There is no way I could wear shorter type shorts and although my thighs probably aren't in a bad way to some it bothers me.

For those younger I could definitely understand the desire to look better and wanting plastic surgery for medical OR cosmetic purposes. 

 

I hear a lot about being old and 50 something.......  I am 74 going on 45.  All of our good friends are young at heart.  Attitudes have changed and image is everything.  Of course we want to feel and be healthy but caring about our image is mentally healthy.  I have friends of all ages and we go out, talk about current events, have young friends that include our children.  I do know old class mates that are old but it is because of their attitude....I avoid them.   Hearing comments about being old at 55 PO's me.  Sorry.

"Hearing comments about being old at 55 PO's me.  Sorry."

BWB, I hope that you don't mean ME by that statement. I never said that 55 was old, nor do I feel old!! Most of my friends that I spend time with are younger than me and a few are older but young at heart.