Little help here..hubby is 9 days Post Op
I don't know too much about RNY (I'm a DS pre-op myself) but my husband just had bypass surgery on the 18th, and I don't think he's eating the way he should at this stage in his journey. I feel like a snitch for saying it, and he thinks I'm nagging him too, but I don't want to see him hurt himself or fail. The dietician switched him from clear liquids to soft foods on day 6. She said he could start eating things like yogurt, cottage cheese, a scrambled egg, ground turkey and some soft, cooked veggies. He does this 3 times a day and also 2 protein shakes in between meals. I know the servings and bites are supposed to small. The dietician said he should eat no more than 4 oz total. My worries are #1 He's eating more than 4 oz. at a time #2 he takes big bites and he's done eating in less than 10 minutes. #3 He still peeking in the fridge and pantry between meals. I ask him if he's feeling hungry and he says he never feels hungry. So....why are you looking in the fridge? hmm idk. habit i guess. I'm trying to be supportive here but I don't know what to do to help him or should I just keep my mouth shut? Suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone for reading, I know it was kinda long.
Barbara
It's great that your looking out for him like this- does your husband see a psych about his food issues, I know some people don't feel they need to but honestly that is one of the best things I've done for myself, trying to understand what I do and why I do it in relation to food, I can't really offer any advice re his portion and bite sizes- me personally, I'd snitch on him to his dietician!
Good luck I hope some others can offer you some useful advice
Band placed April '08 four years of hell-Band removed may '12~Non VSG July 26 '12. All went to hell~RNY on the 19th october '12~Leak & infection 26th october '12 ~infection 24th November '12, 2 weeks hospital~infection 25th dec '12 4 days ~30/5/13 hernia repair 4 days~hw120/sw/115/gw/58kg
Band placed April '08 four years of hell-Band removed may '12~Non VSG July 26 '12. All went to hell~RNY on the 19th october '12~Leak & infection 26th october '12 ~infection 24th November '12, 2 weeks hospital~infection 25th dec '12 4 days ~30/5/13 hernia repair 4 days~hw120/sw/115/gw/58kg
Sounds like his old psychological ties to food are still hanging around. Trust me, once he has a couple of episodes of food not agreeing with him and other issues that happen along the way, that'll go away over time. Remember, the more "nags" we get about stuff the more we don't even realize it pushes us to our old habit, looking for food to comfort ourselves. Be supportive and maybe get rid of any food in the house that he could get in trouble with.
Do you make his meals for him? That sometimes helps because there it is, and there is no more. Put things away and do things without pointing out what you are doing, when there is no focus on something, the need to "hunt for it" will not happen. My husband measured the first few weeks out for me, as he too was concerned I'd eat too much. I let him, I realized it was good for us both to be going through this together. Still, three months after surgery, from time to time he'll question me as I am eating a meal. It doesn't bother me anymore, I see him trying to be helpful. He has seen me go through a few bouts of food not agreeing with me and it scares him. As it does me too. Nothing is worst than an hour of your day is spent either puking up what you just ate, or wishing you could puke it up now. That pounding/pushing up feeling is the most dreaded feeling I have now, and the enjoyment in eating has diminished greatly.
Good Luck!
I can TOTALLY relate to your husband... I am a week away from my 6 months point after having RNY.. You will still think like the old fat self.. you will look at food and want it- it takes TIME... major time... I still do it- I think ohhhhhh I want this this and this... but I can only eat a small portion. And as others have said he will have a rough horrible feeling come over him a few times and it sticks with you- "DAMN I should not have done that" and you learn real quick.. what it is like to feel so sick and miserable. This is allll a learning experience-
If I can help at all let me know- Make sure he is using toddler utensils and bowls- it will make him feel like he is eating more then he really is- the small fork and spoon will mean smaller bites- and I hate to say it but dont "nag" (even though I know you mean well) it is a state of mind for him. He hears judgement EVEN though it is NOT what you mean... believe me he is saying alllllllll the same things you are already saying to himself..
This is a rough road- people think this is an easy way out and judge us for doing these surgeries.. but there is NOTHING easy about any of this- your own inner voice is your worst enemy.. the relationship with food you had is gone- there is so much to change and get use to it weighs so heavy on us.. incourage him to get an account on here- or message me.. I will be happy to help both of you- I am just as fustrated and waiting results as you both are.. this is a journy that we all are on.. we have become a family and this site helps us not feel alone and ask the unspeakable!
Hope this helped.. I am just a few months ahead of your husband... who is a few months ahead of you- we all are here for each other- so glad you reached out.. HUGS to you.. it is an uphill battle for a goooood while.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate what your saying because you can relate to the issue. I think he'll be fine and I'll be less of a "Nag" from here on out. I think the smaller utensils and plates etc is a good idea and I'll purchase them soon (for him and myself) . So, I guess the only question I still have is, Other than the dumping episodes (he hasn't had any yet).. Can he hurt his pouch or cause it to stretch?
OK - I'll give a different view to what has been given before:
This is HIS journey.
It is good that you are being supportive, but it is NOT your job to be his food police! He's a grown man - he knows the rules and it really has to be his choice to follow them. You are not going to be with him 24 hours per day and so watching every morsel that goes into his mouth and judging him (by words or looks etc) will just make him take his eating underground - a long term disaster, both for his journey and your relationship.
My advice would be to talk to him, tell him that although you have been monitoring him up until now, you are not doing so any longer. If he wants your advice, he can ask for it, but other than that he should make his own decisions on when and how to eat. And do it!
You are going to have a hard enough time working with your DS - doing his work to make him successful too could be disastrous for both of you. Hopefully, once you have had your surgery, you can both enjoy your healthier lifestyles and it will all click into place!!
Good luck!
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
My husband had surgery 10 months before I did. I felt the same way about his eating habits. I had the surgery in April and I completely understand his struggles now. It is a very hard thing to let go of those old habits. I didn't realize I was this addicted to food!! My advice would be to lay off. It's a process we all go thru. He has the knowledge and tools he needs, it's up to him to learn how to use them. The weight will come off at this point, the food addiction takes longer. Good luck to both of you!
