The difference between newbies and vetarans

Some ramblings. The past week or so the board SEEMS to be absent of the requisite “every six weeks the newbies and the veterans are at each other’s throats" vibe. Thank goodness. I don’t like those moments.

But from the last round I began to reflect on some of the core differences between the folks who are newer out and those of us who are a few years out and here are two I’ve come up with. Feel free to tell me I am full of shizz if you disagree with any of what I say, but my goal here is understanding not to ultimately be proclaimed right.

Newbies: Free fall weight euphoria

Veterans: Plateau

That difference right there amounts to a HUGE difference in how our two stages see the world. For folks who are new, they are losing weight consistently and successfully, even including stalls, perhaps for the first time in their entire lives. It’s a great feeling. You are doing things you never thought possible, fitting into clothing sizes that you either have never seen or haven’t seen since high school or before. It’s just an all-around exciting time to be you. So you post a lot about the scale. When it moves, when it doesn’t move, how happy you are THAT it moved, whether your weight loss is consistent with everyone else’s.

Veterans…well…for many of us it’s been a while since the scale moved. And frankly, many of us come to the point where we realize the scale can’t be our “feel good" device anymore. It was…when we were newer…but now not so much. So our view is a bit different. We tend to focus in more on not gaining than losing. We tend to battle with ourselves about our choices. If we have gotten to goal many of us are anal about certain things we feel sure will keep us at or below goal. For those of us who never had a goal, had an arbitrary goal or just plain never got to goal, there’s confusion. Should we accept our body’s accomplishments and be thankful or keep pressing on? Many times (from what I see) vets don’t post a lot about this stuff. WLS group dynamics prevent us from feeling entirely comfortable posting about it because there is a connotation (either in general or in our own heads) that we’ve not really made the changes we were supposed to make if we are still struggling with these things. Often, however, that pressure is entirely in our own heads as we, like anyone else, tend to be our own worst critics.

Newbies: “I’ll NEVER…"/"Gone FOREVER!!!
Veterans: “I believe in moderation…"

On first look it may seem like I’m giving veterans a more balanced and wise view but check this out. One person’s moderation is another person’s addiction. And us vets are not immune to justification. We will say we are moderating when we know damn well we should not eat something. And then sometimes it truly is moderation. This is why it’s so tricky for other vets (and especially newbies) to show concern over our choices. Because unless you know that person IN person you really don’t know if they are justifying or not. But one thing is for sure. If statistics tell the truth, most of us vets know that XAMOUNT of pounds is not (necessarily) gone forever. And we know that cake and cookies and chips sometimes happen. We tend to focus on HOW to deal with those moments (either keeping control in the moment or learning from mistakes).

Conversely, from what I’ve seen avoidance is a common thread with newer folks. You all profess never to eat X, Y and Z again (many of you do anyway, not all). And you know what? In recent years I’ve come to respect avoidance. I practiced it as a newer out post-op and rejected it for a time. But really, if you know you can’t keep control around certain foods there is no shame in swearing them off. What’s interesting to me is that I have spent more than my fair share of time educating newer folks on the pitfalls of personifying food (evil food/"cookies are the devil!") as an avoidance method. I just don’t find that method to work and in my view it really only promotes a shame system that is part of why we got here in the first place.

But anyhoo…I see newer folks avoiding stuff and I also see the euphoria about the pounds coming off and declaring them “gone forever" I assume as a way of putting a positive affirmation into the universe (I assume cuz I never said that as a newbie). There’s nothing wrong with that at ALL. Just so long as you have the ability to be flexible. If the scale trends up a few pounds that’s cause for action, not shaming. You are not a failure, you’re human. So get on with it!

So those are two, of probably many, ways that I see vets/newbies having a different view of the world, themselves, this process. Of course these are not blanket statements and we're all different but from reading this board for over four years, I think much of what I say applies to many people who post here.

Thoughts?

Amen!  I was really annoyed by Larry's post on Fast Food Rant.  He's still a newbie and we are veterans.

Thanks for posting this.

 be annoyed if you wish, but Nik was not saying that newbies views are invalid.  it's patronizing for you to think that.

I for one HAVE to be in the avoidance category.  The few times I have tried 'moderation', it's me fooling myself.  I'm still struggling HARD CORE these past 2 weeks to overcome some serious thinking and eating issues.  one reason i have been so absent.

 The world isn't black and white and neither is this.  

VERY well stated.  I couldn't agree with you more.

I like the way you put it! I as a recent (5 months out) post op and I agree with your statements. I am hoping that when I become a veteran I can maintain as many of the vets on here have. I have never claimed any weight is gone forever because I know at some point I could have bounce back weight. But instead I claim to have a better handle on it this time around, hoping to eventually achieve my goal weight and if I don't I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I for one appreciate all the vets on here because they have been there and I can learn a lot from them, however I also like to see the enthusiasm of new post ops and the excitement of pre-ops. Thank you everyone I find most of your posts encouraging.

 Well said! 

Even though I'm a noob, I have a hard time with the "Gone Forever" concept. I understand some people use this as a motivational factor, but to me, it's like setting myself up for failure. I've lost and regained weight so many times before that it's never been "gone forever". So, even though I have a new tool to help with my weight loss effort, it's just a tool. 

And, in regards to the weight loss free fall, yep, it's very intoxicating. To see the scale constantly change is almost like an addict's high--it's never as good as the first time. But, all good things must come to an end. When plateaus or stalls happen, it's like a slap to the face. You're not invincible. You're not just going to lose weight magically. OMG. However, I think it's good when these things happen. It just shows us that we need to take time to respect our bodies and to respect the process. I didn't magically gain 150+ lbs. overnight, so I really can't expect it to fall off just as fast. 

Excellent!

I remember hitting goal and feeling somewhat lost (free fall weight loss).
There was this void I couldn't put my finger on for a while when it finally
dawned on me I had to figure out "what's next". The loss does have to
stop eventually. We aren't getting all the compliments that keep us encouraged, buying new closes as we quickly become too small for what's in our closet.

I also never, ever said gone forever. I never will either, been on these boards long enough to know those words are strong and it's possible I would have to eat those words again. I cringe when I read xxx lbs gone forever.

A few other things I could distinguish between newbies and vets are labs and vitamins. This is one area I was adamant I'd never forget or just not take my vitamins. And although I do pretty good, I'm FAR from perfect. Why go there, knowing what I know? I think, for me, getting comfortable and super busy with life (now that I CAN enjoy it so much) feeling good (usually) that subconsciously missing a "few" or a day of vitamins I mentally fight myself that I'll be ok.

Although my life isn't all about WLS anymore, it still consumes lots of time
keeping myself mentally, emotionally and physically healthy.

Girl, you so often put my thoughts into words!

I was just thinking this today as I answered yet another "I'll never eat that again" post.  I truly see it from both sides-I remember all those newbie feelings.  I guess where I'm a bit different is that I never had a "goal" weight, and I really didn't care how long it took to lose the weight-this journey really was more about restoring my health, and being the strongest, healthiest me I could be-1) because I wasn't sure this would work, and 2) I'd NEVER tried to be healthy and strong before and I was intrigued by the challenge.

I'm glad we have a good blend of newbies and vets, and I thank all the vets before me for sticking around to help others out-I could not do this and would not be where I am today without you!

Keep on keepin on!

Very well said!!! Thank you!!

What is considered a newbie vs vet? Is it a certain timeframe out from surgery? A certain weight loss goal? A certain mindset; "never, ever" vs. "moderation"?

Just wondering......