Random Poll o' the Week: What are you afraid of?

I know I should get help, I literally think about drugs and alcohol all the time right now I used food as a way to cope with stress that's no longer a viable option so everytime I get stressed which is basically everyday I want an escape. Honesty I wish i could transfer to an exercise addiction. 

... (that is me self editing)

Addiction is addiction is addiction. It's a disease that can devastate lives. Don't seek out an addiction that you deem more beneficial or socially acceptable. Get treatment for your addiction.

 Long term is not even in my site ight now.

Hair loss once they stop TPN. 
Malabsorption.
If they have to reverse this then having another major surgery.
Getting the picc line out. I know they say it doesn't hurt, but I'm afraid. 

I'm afraid of being able to handle the new lifestyle.  Everything from making sure to chew chew chew and making sure to exercise and choose better foods to eat.

I'm afraid of never reaching my goal weight.  I know we have "bounce back" pounds so if I never reach my goal weight then I'll just feel completely disappointed.

I'm afraid after I have a kid, which I plan to do in 3 years or so once I get back healthier and smaller, that I'll gain so much weight and won't be able to get it off.

 Well on your first point, your body will teach you that faster than your mind ever could. First time something gets stuck you learn to chew better. First time you try sugar or fried foods and (if you are so inclined) dump or get sick, you learn not to do that either. Exercise is tricky. You think you'll love to do it when you are smaller but in reality if you hate exercise ,you hate exercise. I tell people just move. And do what you like to do: taking walks, dancing in your underwear, whatever.

So far as bounce back: been there, done that, DESIGNED the t-shirt. I wasn't given a goal weight but I never got to be as light as half as you. Interestingly I can put the whole thing in perspective though. I wear a clothing size that is NOT commensurate with my weight (I wear 10's and 12's these days) and I am active. I have lots of muscle mass and I have a nice, clean hourglass shape with no speed bumps. I think I am winning. But it took me 4 years, and a bout of those thoughts you described, to get here. It's a process.

As for the having a kid thing I had my babies before surgery and don't plan on having any more! But I know several folks who got pregnant their first year and still ended up tiny (I do not recommend, btw). 

 I so relate to what you are saying. I am 25 and I have no children but I want them. I too fear that one day when I go to have one, I may gain back wieght I can't get off. And not reaching goal is another fear. My goall and the doctor's goal are two vastly different things. He is thinking the 150's and I am looking at him like he is a maniac. I'd give an arm just to hit 200! I was 252 in MIDDLE SCHOOL so getting to the weight that I was when I was a child would be a miracle all in itself, so yeah, goal weight can be a horror story all in itself. I hear you girl! :)

I'm worried that this is all an emminence front I've put on with being compliant and that the old fat, smoking, self destructive Katie is just waiting for me to drop my constant vigilance to come roaring back.  And it's not about food. I feel like I eat enough.

This is about the siren song of self destructive habits, whether they be food or anything else.

I also worry that now that I am almost a year out, my weight loss has slowed significantly: what if I never get any smaller or fitter? Yeah, I know, this is a common worry and kinda dumb too. I've lost my comorbidities, and that's what I was after. And fitness is all in my hands. But I recently did something to my knee and it's not as mobile as it was, so now I'm all kinds of worried about not being able to exercise hard.

Oh, and my job of over five years ends at the end of March, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Wah.

not being able to get below 200 lbs.  When I was able to lose weight on my own I could not get below 200 lbs and that is a lot for me since I am only 5'2

I know I am a long way off but that is my fear.

 Oh that's a common one.

You coulda knocked me over with a feather the first time I saw my weight start with 1. In my wildest pre-op dreams I think I got to like 205. 

You can do it!!!

 To be honest...I'm afraid of the "haters" I work with a lot of people, which I see everyday...more than my own family and most of my co workers are very much "high school" "soap opera" acting kind of people. I have learned to tolerate/fake my way around them, I've been with them 6 yrs! But even before this surgery my shop is the type of environment where if you even say one thing or hold a conversation with a member of the opposite sex the rumors start flying right then and there and escalate to the most craziest stories and spread like wild fire!....I'm sure it's like this in a lot of workplace environments, but eventually ppl in there really start hating because of there jealousy.  I just hope ppl know me better than that...