"They" said I'd gain it all back.... are "they" right?

Thanks Lora. I feel better today.

I waited until hubby was gone this morning and in secret I tried on the dress I'm worried about not fitting (isn't that the wierdest worst thing to be frightened about?) and I didn't want to try it on with hubby around. I didn't want him to witness my failure. I didn't want to deal with my emotions around him. I don't know how much sense it means, but I had to do it separate from him seeing my emotions.

It fit though. And not badly. This helped me to feel better. A lot better.

And you're right.... I needed to let my emotions out, instead of storing them up... I could feel the steam of bottled emotions boiling up. So I just needed to work on my own process. My process is to let my feelings out, to be expressed, and this helps to suck the power out of the fears, and pump it into my own personal resilience.

This is what ****** me off about people who are one or two or three years out and say that it's calories in vs calories out and that you must do something "wrong" to get 10, 20, 30lbs of regain weight ...   I just want to shout "fuck off" you are not there yet and talk to me when you have been!

I had this regain and did NOTHING different to what I did every day before...   I wasn't suddenly eating a ton of carbs while sitting on my sofa, wasn't suddenly eating huge portions!

I feel your pain, but mine did settle and I have managed to bounce up and down and up and down and am now sitting at a weight and size that is comfortable for me.

I have nothing to help - just a BTDT - you are not alone!

I agree Kim. So far I feel very blessed to have maintained with only a 7 lb regain over goal once that I was able to lose.

Several people have Sent me PMs asking how, I honestly do not know how I've been this fortunate. I do wonder sometimes when the other shoe is going to drop and I'll wake up in fear that I can't stop regain.

The calorie in calorie out works for some bit MANY of is have broken metabolisms that concept just doesn't Properly apply to the weirded out body.

Amen.

I guess I better go talk to a fortune teller to find out where I'll end up if I just accept this. Perhaps I'm already there. I could take that.

Ah well.... I'm now On a pathway towards greater understanding of what's going on. I may or may not SOLVE anything, and I may not stop the regain until it's good and ready to be stopped on its own.

I'm sure I was one of those annoying people who was certain they had it all worked out.

I'm eating a lot of my words now. Seeing that it just isn't nearly as simple as it seems. I thought that I was set .... eat a boring boring diet (except occasional treats) and the weight won't change significantly. I was also certain tht it was merely a matter of noticing when the weight was going up, and then anallyzing the changes in lifestyle, fixing them, and the weight problem would disappear and life would just continue with simplicity.

Exccept it just isn't all that simple. Prior summers I was either halted in weight LOSS or maintained.... last summer after my tailbone surgery, the weight went up a bit, but I was moving with a lot more limited motions as I recuperated.

So... life isn't simple.

I did do some "comfort buying" today before I knew I was going to have a melt-down .... a whole LITER of diet rootbeer.

 

I think the mind games are getting the best of you. Do I think they are right, of course not. Do I think you are dealing with the somewhat typical bounce back, yep. Can it be controlled, yep you have to figure out what your body needs and wants. Don't give up, I know you won't.

My suggestion is get those labs and go over them diligently. check your Vit D and iron panel very closely I've actually seen and read (on D) where deficiency caused weight gain. Also run the entire thyroid panel.....have you ever had thyroid problems?

Thanks I really appreciate your support. I know there's typical bounceback. I didn't like it when it happened, but I knew my skinny bony butt needed it. This IS more I believe. Though I have enjoyed having a butt back, which is one of the new things, and so I guess I just agreed with you that some of this is the bounceback.... redistribution of the fat to the places the body wants it, and not always where you'd choose. For me that's hips, buttocks, and breasts. Could be worse. Hour-glass-figure, I'm BAaaack!

While they've supposedly done several thyroid panels over the last 18 months (I've exhibited very marked thyroid symptoms thus I've been tested something like six times) I've come to doubt the results. The last thyroid panel that was ordered may or may not have been a deliberate order. The lab company drew the WRONG labs ($1500 worth of wrong labs) and put it under the WRONG doctor's order, and yet, the TSH lab -- not sure if that's a full thyroid panel or not -- wasn't amongst the bogus lab work they did that wasn't ordered (but was on the bogus order).

When my D has been testedd (four times in the last year because I've had really messed up symptoms now since last summer) so has my B12, my iron levels. Everything comes back stellar.... remarkably stellar according to my PCP whose wife has had RNY. He always raises his eyebrows in a sort of cute "this is incredible" motion when he sees how good my labs are. so with no iron issues, no vitamin issues, and no thyroid issues... it's been a mystery. But I begin to wonder about those labs. I'm starting to see I have a serious set of questions and concerns to bring up on Thursday with the PA who does the well-woman checkups. I won't accept non-committal half-baked answers. I'm sick of that.

But the neurologist, endocrinologist and the PCP have all ordered a boatload of tests without anything popping out as remarkable. Perhaps the health insurance has decided to save money by just using a random number generator to create the "labs".

I'll get over this. I just seriously needed support because I was distraught over feeling like I'm this fat monstrous person. This time next week I'll be all focused in on my students, with aquamarine streaks in my hair and matching nail color, deciding on my outfit for that all-important first impression with the kids.

I had the slow creep. And like Kim there was no changes in my routine. It happened when I was eating a really controlled amount of calories, exercised ALOT and was still a carbophobe. So I don't know that it's anything under your control.

You could torture yourself thinking of what you could have or should have done but guess what? I highly doubt anything you ate  could amount to a large gain on its own. And in those cir****tances movement may or may not make a difference.

I hope you figure it out. No, I don't think regain is an inveitability but it is your reality right now. So my best advice is to decide on a course of action and go at it diligently.

Hugs.

Thanks Nik. I'm just having one of those days sort of like a cosmic re-run of when I was gaining as a teen and freaking out (Oh, for a time machine, to go back to my young self and teach her about nutrition, because I was woefully misguided, and then then there were things I could have changed had I known). This is why I dislike shopping. Give me a bag full of clothing that fit, and I don't care what size they are. But make me pick them off the rack, and if I choose too small of a size, it feels like armageddon in my brain.

And the silliest thing of all is that I know that if I had a crystal ball, and I knew that I would stabilize soon before much longer, even knowing I had to settle on size 12 or size 14 or even sizze 16..... If I knew I was never going back to the no-mans-land of super-morbid-obesity..... I'd settle in my brain.

And barring medical issues (Which I do think are happening, whether it's perimenopause, or thyroid issues, or metabolic and/or endocrine issues).... I know that if I keep on following the rules, there comes a time when it will get impossible to continue to gain. I just don't eat tht much. I don't. I have the most boring diet in the world.

The good news is.... It's "Friday" and after the "weekend" of the next two days, I'm back at work, and will be seriously too busy to be this self-absorbed. I've also got some really good plans to engage in 60 hours of on-my-feet busyness plus two dedicated short "walking spurts" each weekday as a truly do-able moving-my-butt goal. I'm going  to convince myself I can set a goal I can actually keep, and then see if I ccan add a little bit to it the next month, and so on.

Thanks again for all of your support over the years. YOU are one of my heros!

Ironic isn't it how we carry "evil" messages with us, from people we don't even care too much about...even the echoes of those words still hurt. That being said, I agree your doctor is the best place to get answers. I know from personal experience that fluctuating female hormones can keep extra fat on our bodies for procreation (like I'm gonna need that at 50!)and if you suspect fibroids being an issue, hormones could be a natural starting point to help both issues. I've only had surgery a year and a half ago, but I can't help but be concerned, and vigilant to keep myself in control...that fear of weight gain is always there. Crap to those who make you feel like crap!! Lady Lithia, you've been a great inspiration to so many of us here...I hope you get some answers to your dilemma!!