Ignoring people and relying on them not recognizing you

 Last night I was eating dinner at a restaurant, and a woman who was a former grad school colleague came in and was seated just one table away from us.  She was seated in a position where she and I were facing each other.  We were friends at one point (just casual friends) but we had an argument shortly before graduation and i have not seen or talked to her in the 6 years since. She was the first person I met who had undergone WLS, but she made several of us who were MO or SMO very uncomfortable with some of her very intimate -- and what we considered inappropriate-- sharing (in class and during group projects/activities!) about what her life was like when she was 300+ pounds.  (Things like talking about having trouble wiping herself after using the bathroom!)

I don't know whether she knows that I had RNY or not since I don't know whether she keeps in touch with anyone else from the program, but it was pretty clear that she did not recognize me.  I tried to keep my voice low, since that has "given me away" to people who did not recognize me in the past.  For some reason, I felt a little guilty not speaking to her (not so much specific to her, but just about being sort of "incognito" and observing someone who didnt know someone they knew was watching them.  Does that make any sense?  I have intentionally walked past two people that I saw in a store because they were people I didn't really want to talk to for various reasons, but never had extended "exposure" to someone like that.

Has anyone else who lost enough weight to frequently have people mot recognize you experienced this?

lora

I haven't experienced that yet, but yes! I am relying on that.. I am always worried about my ex's family members recongizing me or my ex (who is due to get out of prison in couple years) will try to find me but my therapist says that I look TOTALLY different than I did 10-20 years ago and that I may be unrecognizable!!! I'm excited! :) 

I haven't experienced this, but I have been pleased to see people who I knew when I was SMO, and had this blank look of "people rejection" like "Who is this person smiling at me like they know me, should I just back away?"

Doesn't feel good even when I know the reason. Sometimes I choose to enlighten them, depending on the level of pleasantness I remember. Also depending on the level of "distaste" in their face in response to my pleasant overtures. I think "Do they remember me and is that why the distaste?" then I feel small and don't identify myself.

I had the reverse.  I weighed 105 pounds when I graduated high school and the same when I married two years later.    I was teased by some in high school.  I almost doubled that wt by my late 40s early 50s until I reached my max of 290. 

No one knew me when we went home for my father-in-laws funeral.  My feelings were really hurt by some of the remarks made when they realized who I was.  People I had known for years as my peers even made inappropriate remarks while at church about my weight gain.  One guy said, "I was wondering who that fat woman was with John."  

A couple of years ago my brother held a family reunion and the same thing happened with my own family by relatives that I would never expect.  My brother has been SMO for years so the remarks that he overheard hurt his feelings as well.    Last year we were in California so made the effort to  see the last living uncle of mine.  I was so excited to get to see him as it had been many years.  He is at an age where I doubt I'll see him again.   Anyway, the first words out of his mouth, "I would never have recognized you.  What happened to you?"   

What's odd is that I didn't realize how much I had gained until I started looking at pictures.  Yes the sizes kept going up but I was the same person otherwise.  Now that I've started losing weight, I notice how much nicer strangers are to me.  (opening doors, etc.)

I don't see why I should have to be friendly with people who I recognize. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to them. There is an old lady down the street that I walk by every once and a while then one day she just stopped me and started to ramble about the weather. Now I have to say hi to her each time I go outside. Annoying!

I hope after the winter I have lost so much weight she won't recognize me but I doubt that'll happen.

It's not that I feel obligated to stop and talk to anyone, because I certainly don't.  There have been several occasions where I have intentionally just walked past people (who had not seen me since i lost the weight and did not recognize me) in a store because I did not feel like talking to them for whatever reason.

Somehow, though, the ability to watch her (even just a bit, because my focus was mostly on who *I* was with, not on her) without her knowing that someone she knows was watching her made me feel a little guilty.

Lora

It has nothing to do with my weight.  I have been up and down with my weight so much that I don't even know if I would recognize myself sometimes but  apparently I haven't aged well judging by the looks of shock I get whenever I run into people I haven't seen for a very long time.  Just this last weekend I went back to my old church where there were some I haven't seen for 20+ years.  I was very cute back when I was younger and now I guess I look like an old grandma.  I hate the look I get when someone comes over to introduce themselves to me and I remind them who I am and I can see them remembering me and the confusion in their eyes like WTH?  Time, health issues, years of smoking and aging have not treated me well 

This was me in 1981
This is me now.  And this was me 5 years ago.
As you can see, I haven't aged very well and I can understand the shock in people's faces when they see me.  Even from not that long ago it is a big change, as you can see, even 5 years ago I looked a lot younger.
I used to hate running into people after I regained a lot of weight.  Now I hate running into people even though I am not overweight but because I look so old.  If I spend a lot of time putting on make up I can look better but not a whole lot.  Oh well, that's what happens when you smoke for 30+ years and don't take good care of your health.

I think you look younger with the picture you posted a while back with the shorter haircut than with the longer hair.  A lot of us have a certain amount of overall sagging of the facial skin after having it filled up with fat for so many years (but I understand that smoking also takes a toll). I turn 50 next month and I have the sunken areas under my eyes And I had some Juvederm about 2 years ago for the nasolabial folds that were making me look so tired and haggard (but that has to be re-done every year or so).  Fortunately, since i had it done originally, I have noticed that my face has continued to very slowly fill out a bit again. Yours may as well over time.

Remember, though, that the most important thing is that you are healthier inside.

Lora

I'm actually looking into Juvederm or some other filler.  It is expensive but I think it might help me in the employment area.  You look very good so it must do it's job.

 I was a bartender for 14 years, so I know a ton of people, many of whom are NOT my friends, but with whom I spent a lot of time. I LOVE being incognito. I've even had lovers not recognize me. This is after I've lost 155 pounds. I've re-introduced myself to people I liked before, but I've been able to shake off the people with whom I don't want anything to do.

Almost nobody recognizes me without my specifically going up to them and talking to them and telling them who I am.