Ok so riddle me this
In response to Kelly's thread AND the thread about changing.
If you all are so much more confident and feel better about yoruselves, why is it whenever I poll you people about what is great about you, everyone is so self depracating? That is probably one of the things that frustrates me the most.
If you are awesome, never be afraid to say WHY. Many folks think it's bragadocious. I personally am a spiritual person. And I know many spiritual people who think it's not good to proclaim yourself, that it's arrogant.
To me, if I say I worship an awesome God and I deny my awesomeness, how awesome can my God be?
And that can be in a non-spiritual context too. Many of you love and revere your mothers, aunts, whoever your female heroes are. You are such a stronger testament to them by proclaiming your goodness than you are in downplaying it.
If you all are so much more confident and feel better about yoruselves, why is it whenever I poll you people about what is great about you, everyone is so self depracating? That is probably one of the things that frustrates me the most.
If you are awesome, never be afraid to say WHY. Many folks think it's bragadocious. I personally am a spiritual person. And I know many spiritual people who think it's not good to proclaim yourself, that it's arrogant.
To me, if I say I worship an awesome God and I deny my awesomeness, how awesome can my God be?
And that can be in a non-spiritual context too. Many of you love and revere your mothers, aunts, whoever your female heroes are. You are such a stronger testament to them by proclaiming your goodness than you are in downplaying it.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
You know, this is something that my therapist and I have discussed a lot. I'm apparently highly conflicted.
Myself and I are good friends. I like me a lot.
But the on the other hand, I doubt myself a lot, too--I tend to worry that my self esteem is over-inflated and that I'm not worthy of the respect I expect from others.
So I get caught up in this cycle of "I'm awesome and I deserve respect!" followed by "But I'm still going to go out of my way to prove to you that I deserve it, because I can see why you might think I don't."
It's a weird cycle, and one that I don't entirely understand, to be honest.
One lifestyle choice that I hold very close to my heart is the value of tzedakah--not charity, exactly, but good-doing for the simple reason that it's the right thing to do. And true tzedakah is done anonymously, without credit being taken upon oneself, because then there is an ulterior motive.
And so, I believe in my heart that I'm a good person and I expect to be treated as such. But because I don't tend to go around advertising the reasons for that, I think that other people probably don't see me the same way I see myself.
Myself and I are good friends. I like me a lot.
But the on the other hand, I doubt myself a lot, too--I tend to worry that my self esteem is over-inflated and that I'm not worthy of the respect I expect from others.
So I get caught up in this cycle of "I'm awesome and I deserve respect!" followed by "But I'm still going to go out of my way to prove to you that I deserve it, because I can see why you might think I don't."
It's a weird cycle, and one that I don't entirely understand, to be honest.
One lifestyle choice that I hold very close to my heart is the value of tzedakah--not charity, exactly, but good-doing for the simple reason that it's the right thing to do. And true tzedakah is done anonymously, without credit being taken upon oneself, because then there is an ulterior motive.
And so, I believe in my heart that I'm a good person and I expect to be treated as such. But because I don't tend to go around advertising the reasons for that, I think that other people probably don't see me the same way I see myself.
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Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
See that's the thing. Who cares if others see you the way you see yourself. How you act outwardly is an expression of how you FEEL inwardly. I'm not proposing taking on the ego of Julius Caesar. But when I'm asked what's good about me, I don't hesitate to tell people what I think.
You may or may not agree. And that's fine. But I don't lose much sleep over what you think about me. I draw most of how I feel about myself by being in a right relationship with God and through how I treat myself and others.
I share your belief in tzedakah (although I didn't know there was any name for it). And I don't go around advertising what I do for others or how great I am for doing it. I think good is for good's sake. Not to get too religious but my personal belief system is that God makes all things possible. I am simply the instrument. So I TRY not to claim what's not mine. I do good works because God gives me the means to do so. So I praise God, not myself, in doing those good works. I hope that makes sense.
But I remember clearly once I asked folks to identify one thing that made them a great friend, spouse, lover, etc. and folks were SO down on themselves. They talked so much about what they wished they were and thought they weren't than what they actually were. That made me mad, I admit.
You may or may not agree. And that's fine. But I don't lose much sleep over what you think about me. I draw most of how I feel about myself by being in a right relationship with God and through how I treat myself and others.
I share your belief in tzedakah (although I didn't know there was any name for it). And I don't go around advertising what I do for others or how great I am for doing it. I think good is for good's sake. Not to get too religious but my personal belief system is that God makes all things possible. I am simply the instrument. So I TRY not to claim what's not mine. I do good works because God gives me the means to do so. So I praise God, not myself, in doing those good works. I hope that makes sense.
But I remember clearly once I asked folks to identify one thing that made them a great friend, spouse, lover, etc. and folks were SO down on themselves. They talked so much about what they wished they were and thought they weren't than what they actually were. That made me mad, I admit.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
I'm not sure. I can give you a hundred reasons why I'm awesome. :D I'm not shy about that.
My downfalls come with someone questions me. I had a good friend, not too long ago, get on my case when I was having a bad day and being a bit snappish. He basically called me out and asked why I felt entitled to snark on other people just because I was having a bad day, and he said I was acting like a ***** who couldn't hack it when others didn't act the way I wanted them to.
While he might have been right, I was highly insulted and offended, and it made me second guess myself, wondering if that's how I appear to people--like an overreactive diva. Because really, I had sort of expected people to take me with a grain of salt when I'm that way, since I'm sunny and cheerful 98% of the time. I thought I had earned a little wiggle room in the *****y department. But apparently not. So I sat there and stewed for WEEKS over whether this friend was right and I was really entitling myself to more than I deserved.
And I don't know why I do that. But I do. I get stuck feeling like there's always MORE I can do. I can always be better. I can always improve. So I think there's a lot of doubt in my mind about whether I actually AM the best person I can be, and when someone validates those doubts, they tend to drag me down.
My downfalls come with someone questions me. I had a good friend, not too long ago, get on my case when I was having a bad day and being a bit snappish. He basically called me out and asked why I felt entitled to snark on other people just because I was having a bad day, and he said I was acting like a ***** who couldn't hack it when others didn't act the way I wanted them to.
While he might have been right, I was highly insulted and offended, and it made me second guess myself, wondering if that's how I appear to people--like an overreactive diva. Because really, I had sort of expected people to take me with a grain of salt when I'm that way, since I'm sunny and cheerful 98% of the time. I thought I had earned a little wiggle room in the *****y department. But apparently not. So I sat there and stewed for WEEKS over whether this friend was right and I was really entitling myself to more than I deserved.
And I don't know why I do that. But I do. I get stuck feeling like there's always MORE I can do. I can always be better. I can always improve. So I think there's a lot of doubt in my mind about whether I actually AM the best person I can be, and when someone validates those doubts, they tend to drag me down.
_._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._.
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
From a psychological perspective let me say this... most of my life I have been demeaned, ridiculed and attacked about my weight by school mates, family, friends (if even in a joking manner) and complete strangers. When you are told "you are fat and ugly and no man will ever want you, so you better get a good education so you can get a good job and take care of yourself" by your father - it has a lasting impact.
Self acceptance and feeling "worthy" is something that I've struggled with my entire life. I still feel "guilty" about being proud of myself and my accomplishments. But - I am getting better about it
Perhaps others may feel the same way.
Self acceptance and feeling "worthy" is something that I've struggled with my entire life. I still feel "guilty" about being proud of myself and my accomplishments. But - I am getting better about it
Perhaps others may feel the same way.
And my question isn't addressed to folks who have experienced that. But I'm hearing a lot of "I was always self confident" in those threads. Ok, so why is it when I ask what's great about you I get crickets???
But I totally get where you're coming from and understand that for some of us we're trying to overcome a lifetime of trauma (and that's what being constantly told you're not good enough creates).
But I totally get where you're coming from and understand that for some of us we're trying to overcome a lifetime of trauma (and that's what being constantly told you're not good enough creates).
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
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