OT: "Roommate" Drama

 Right you are!

I sometimes wonder about my decision making sometimes. It probably wasn't a good idea to offer to let him stay in the first place. I maybe might have referred him to a men's shelter. 

You live, you learn I guess.

I wouldn't put up with that. I would simply say to him, "It's obvious that my life is incompatible with you and your needs. Therefore it would be best if you found another place to stay as soon as you can." 

The whole gratitude thing sits wrong with me (speaking to my own thoughts, not to your post so much) and someone who is given a roof should feel grateful but they don't need to bow down in servile feet kissing subservience. 

YOU are doing something good for him. It is resulting in self-sacrifice that is more than just letting him use your space... He wants you to be "considerate" of his needs to the detriment of your own. Briefly this can be understandable. Total change to YOUR life to accomodate HIS needs is something he shouldn't expect. 

Irreconcilable differences. Take back your home.   

Lith, as usual I think you hit the nail on the head of my hesitation and feelings. 

I do NOT endeavor to project the "you should be grateful to have a roof over your head" mentality.

(WARNING: Biblical reference to follow)

I am a Christian and the bible says to help strangers because in doing so you may be "entertaining angels unawares." To me, that means you open your home graciously. But where I always get tripped up is where graciousness stops and being a doormat starts. I often allow people too far into doormat zone before doing something and it ends up messing up my relationships. I take full responsibility for that.

So in everything I've done to this point I've worried that I come off looking like a feudal lord or something. But honestly I have the right to live the way I want to live in my own house and that's that. I can help but I only have what I have to give in help. It's not a great idea to offer more than what I have to give is the message I am getting from all this.

Before you posted this reply I was thinking about the very few 'good Christians' in my life and thinking that many of them have been taken advantage of.

I think it would be difficult not to get taken advantage of if you try to help people without passing any judgement on them.

I think you have the right attitude in not projecting the "you should be grateful".
I'd see were it goes, you stated your case, if it continues then you may want to use your last line " this is what I have to offer/give"

If he can't work with that then perhaps he should find more 'suitable accomodations'.

Nik...Nik...Nik..Nik..Nik... YOU ARE A SAINT GF! Not only are you NOT being unreasonable - he is being an INGRATE! Holy crap... I would be bending over backwards for someone who was willing to take me in... asking what I could do to help around the house and I would never, EVER complain about the way that the responsible person who OWNS the house is acting in THEIR OWN HOUSE! (Grrrrrrrrr!)

I know he's your friend, but friend or not he's acting like a JERK. You deserve to to whatever the eff you want to do in your home. If it wakes him up - tough titties! I think the verbal exchange you had with him about it being "your house" was right on time. His defensive response is because you called him on the carpet.

We, as care givers (I am assuming this about you because of what I've read in your posts, so if this is inaccurate, mea culpa) sometimes give until it's a detriment to us physically, emotionally and/or financially. If you didn't say something to him I could see it continually escalating to the point where he would be expecting you to cook his meals for him and serve them to him on the couch.

Good job that you stood up for yourself. You are NOT being unreasonable at all!

You are by no means unrealistic.  He is being the jerk and being unruly with his expectations of you being quiet till noon.  I am also a light sleeper and sleep with ear plugs everynight.  They work wonders.  If he cant understand that yes, it is your house, and you will not be tip toeing around till he decides to wake up, then off to a shelter.  Sorry, thats just me.

Nik,

You have gotten many replies that most all say the same message.  He is unreasonable and very ungrateful.  True words there.

I want to speak to the 'angels unaware' part of this situation.  It is true we are given instructions to share what we have with others and be grateful for the means WE have to be in that position.  NONE of that indicates you abdicate your possessions in order to please someone else.  We are asked to SHARE.

There is an even greater responsibility on the part of the beneficiary to accept gifts and grace in the spirit it is given. 

I do not believe we are requested to share our means in order to allow someone else to misuse those trusted possessions.

I am all for grand ideas and deep beliefs that guide our lives.  Good for you!  (Meaning Bob) However, I am thinking the second job may have been in order prior to getting into such a position of arrearage that the state took his ability to earn a living away from him.  Trust me, my state's child support laws are very difficult for the non custodial parent but the very last thing the state does is take away the right to earn a living.

I would tell you sadly I doubt the situation is fixable.  I suggest and end date that is within a few days and move on.  Ground rules now are like putting thee toothpaste back in the tube.

Vicky

Give him earplugs, an eye mask for sleeping in daylight, and maybe a privacy screen, you know those folding room dividers?  Push the couch into a corner where screen hides it, and he can sleep behind it in "silence" because of earplugs,  with sleeping mask...that doesn't work for him?  He's OUT the DOOR to another place...

He should conform to your lifestyle, not you to his, as you are doing him the free  rent favour...

Sorry, I haven't read everyones responses enough so this may have been covered.  I've been too busy being pissed off by this guy.  The colossal nerve!  I would tell him that is is a lot noisier under the local bridge, which is where I would be dropping him and his crap off after that conversation.  I had a friend once who was bi polar and on disability and was unable to work.  She would sleep for days and then would be up for days.  When she was up she would clean non stop and then go to sleep for days.  She lost her apartment and I let her stay in my place, on my couch.  My place was spotless but I had a baby and I worked full time and it was very disruptive having her on my couch all the time sleeping and I had to tell her that if she couldn't keep somewhat normal hours she couldn't stay with me.   Like you I was letting her stay completely free.  She had food stamps so she feed herself but that was it.  I wasn't mean about it.  I gave her the option.  I know she had problems but I had problems, too, and I couldn't come home from working all day with a baby and try to fix dinner and take care of my baby with her sleeping on my couch.  Her solution was to move from my couch to my bed and back again but again that was too disruptive to me.  My home, my convenience.  She was able to find someone who didn't mind her sleeping all the time and it worked out fine for her.
I wouldn't even discuss this with him.  I would give him the rules.  I would make not one concession for him being there.  He is the one that needs a free place to stay and he needs to make all the concessions and if you want him to kiss you ass 24 hours a day that is what he needs to do or find somewhere else to let him live for free.  Too much noise my ass!  This guy must have balls the size of Nevada.