OT: "Roommate" Drama
You're not overreacting in the least. Some clarification is in order, but if he doesn't like it, he's conveniently located next to the front door and can USE IT! My experience is that charity is not often repaid in the way we want it - I once let my mother stay in our guest room (being that it's a 2 bedroom condo, that's about 50% of our space!) for 3 months and was dang near calling the cops on her to evict her. No matter how much you care for someone, occasionally living with them can make you want to throttle their necks - but worse is compounded with taking on their problems & their issues!
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You're not being unreasonable. I think it's polite of you not to make a bunch of noise at 6 am, but to stay super quiet until noon? Nah.
If he wants a quieter place to live, he can get his own place. Yes, I understand he's having trouble making ends meet due to not paying his child support when he was supposed to. I don't feel sorry for people that don't pay their child support. My daughter lived with her father most of her life and I paid my child support. And I never complained about it, either. You make a kid, you need to support that kid.
If he needs more than 12 hours of sleep, he should see a doctor because he most likely is either dealing with depression that needs treatment, or has a thyroid problem, or has something else going on that makes him that tired all the time.
And if he wants to move out sooner so he can have all the quiet he wants, he could work more and sleep less.
If he wants a quieter place to live, he can get his own place. Yes, I understand he's having trouble making ends meet due to not paying his child support when he was supposed to. I don't feel sorry for people that don't pay their child support. My daughter lived with her father most of her life and I paid my child support. And I never complained about it, either. You make a kid, you need to support that kid.
If he needs more than 12 hours of sleep, he should see a doctor because he most likely is either dealing with depression that needs treatment, or has a thyroid problem, or has something else going on that makes him that tired all the time.
And if he wants to move out sooner so he can have all the quiet he wants, he could work more and sleep less.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
He is not a house guest and he is not a roommate. You are helping him out and doing him a favor.
IF he were paying for the priveldge of staying there it would be different, but in this case - he gets what he gets. You've gone out of your way to accomodate him so far. Maybe if it were just a few days I can see it, but for months... who is he kidding?
If someone moves in with me, out of the kindness of my heart, then they should try to adjust to the household and NOT expect the household to adjust to them.
IF he were paying for the priveldge of staying there it would be different, but in this case - he gets what he gets. You've gone out of your way to accomodate him so far. Maybe if it were just a few days I can see it, but for months... who is he kidding?
If someone moves in with me, out of the kindness of my heart, then they should try to adjust to the household and NOT expect the household to adjust to them.
Heather
Since 2008 my team has raised over $42,000 to fight breast cancer.
Since 2008 my team has raised over $42,000 to fight breast cancer.
I can't imagine being homeless - EVER
Thinking about it , not having a place to sleep, wash, eat, go to the toilet...if I were, and someone offered me a place to stay rent free, I would STFU and not complain.
On a side note...why the back child support? In the States do you pay a percentage of your wage? Is that how it works? I'm wondering why he hasn't paid?
Thinking about it , not having a place to sleep, wash, eat, go to the toilet...if I were, and someone offered me a place to stay rent free, I would STFU and not complain.
On a side note...why the back child support? In the States do you pay a percentage of your wage? Is that how it works? I'm wondering why he hasn't paid?
It isn't that he hasn't paid. In Maryland the child suppport system is sort of wonky. He gets a percentage taken out but when they do child support determinations here they usually do it retroactive to when the custodial parent filed, which almost immediately puts the non-custodial parent in arrears (happened to my kids father too which is why I didn't want to go through the system for child support but he wouldn't pay).
I suppose the percentage of his income wasn't keeping up with both the current amount he had to pay and his arrears and he got into trouble with it. He seems to be saving diligently to pay the arrears on his case and he has one job that he says is "just for child support."
I don't think the child support system really helps kids that much and causes more frustration than it's worth but it's what we've got.
I suppose the percentage of his income wasn't keeping up with both the current amount he had to pay and his arrears and he got into trouble with it. He seems to be saving diligently to pay the arrears on his case and he has one job that he says is "just for child support."
I don't think the child support system really helps kids that much and causes more frustration than it's worth but it's what we've got.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
He actually wants custody of his children. That's a whole separate matter. He's an interesting case. He's got some fascinating beliefs. He's sort of into alternative medicine, WANTS to be a vegan and a naturalist and is a conspiracy theorist (George W. Bush invented AIDS, blew up the World Trade Center on purpose, etc., etc.). So he doesn't seem to trust that the children's mother is 'raising the children right" as evidenced by the fact that she "believes in those Western doctors." (I don't go there)
He had plenty of opinions about me having WLS (although I don't give two parts of a damn, I do like to point out on occassion that while he DREAMS of eating healthfully, I DO eat healthfully and that every naturalist eating book he has that I've read that describes a healthy system describes me to a T...but I don't go there either...)
So he's an interesting guy to know. I am convinced God puts these people in my path to make my faith stronger. Because the more I interact with him, the more affirmed I am in my personal beliefs. :)
He had plenty of opinions about me having WLS (although I don't give two parts of a damn, I do like to point out on occassion that while he DREAMS of eating healthfully, I DO eat healthfully and that every naturalist eating book he has that I've read that describes a healthy system describes me to a T...but I don't go there either...)
So he's an interesting guy to know. I am convinced God puts these people in my path to make my faith stronger. Because the more I interact with him, the more affirmed I am in my personal beliefs. :)
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
How loud and uncomfortable would it be at a shelter???
I think you have done him a great service...and I also think that some people do not 'get it' ... first he had a good paying job and didn't pay his child support? (I think that tells you something)..now he is living in YOUR space and acting like a child "Yes ma'am, may I leave the room now ma'am"....
I would have thrown his ass out right there and then. That is disrespectful. Do you have access to his ex...I think I would be "checking" to make sure she is getting her back child support.
My honest opinion is you are NOT being unreasonable...he is... and i think that if I were you I would be asking him to find somewhere else to stay.
I think you have done him a great service...and I also think that some people do not 'get it' ... first he had a good paying job and didn't pay his child support? (I think that tells you something)..now he is living in YOUR space and acting like a child "Yes ma'am, may I leave the room now ma'am"....
I would have thrown his ass out right there and then. That is disrespectful. Do you have access to his ex...I think I would be "checking" to make sure she is getting her back child support.
My honest opinion is you are NOT being unreasonable...he is... and i think that if I were you I would be asking him to find somewhere else to stay.
Yeah, that's way further into his life than I wanna be (checking on his ex). My note above gives a good explanation of the child support situation. It isn't that he isn't paying. His paycheck isn't quite keeping up with where the state wants him to be.
But you are right. A shelter would be much noisier. And he's about to find out how much noisier if he doesn't calm the hell down. I have no problem putting him out, evicting him or whatever else I have to do. I just know me. My conscience would tear me up unless I asked if I had not asked about my behavior. It's just how I am.
But you are right. A shelter would be much noisier. And he's about to find out how much noisier if he doesn't calm the hell down. I have no problem putting him out, evicting him or whatever else I have to do. I just know me. My conscience would tear me up unless I asked if I had not asked about my behavior. It's just how I am.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
I read that reply about his child support AFTER I responded...
My sister had a family memember stay beyond her welcome and it was very stressful on them to have to ask her to leave.... when someone is sleeping on your COUCH it really screws up your ability to use your space... even just because there is someone always there! You always have to entertain.... be quiet, never be able to have friends/family over... never have time all to yourself....
Here is a quote for you that I hold dear to me and might help you
"NEVER MISTAKE MY KINDNESS FOR MY WEAKNESS".
Good luck hun
My sister had a family memember stay beyond her welcome and it was very stressful on them to have to ask her to leave.... when someone is sleeping on your COUCH it really screws up your ability to use your space... even just because there is someone always there! You always have to entertain.... be quiet, never be able to have friends/family over... never have time all to yourself....
Here is a quote for you that I hold dear to me and might help you
"NEVER MISTAKE MY KINDNESS FOR MY WEAKNESS".
Good luck hun
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SW 08/28/2012 Nut Class 08/27/2012
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Surgeon Dr. Cyriac 12/07/2012 **SURGERY JAN 30, 2013**
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