OT: "Roommate" Drama
Hi Nik:
I think I would have a set down with him and just tell him that I sleep between these hours and I am up at these hours. I cannot be held hostage in my own house by having to tip toe around so you can get twelve hours of sleep. If this is not acceptable to you, then you are welcome to find somewhere else to live. "I have offered you shelter from the storm but do not ask me to rebuild my house".
I think I would have a set down with him and just tell him that I sleep between these hours and I am up at these hours. I cannot be held hostage in my own house by having to tip toe around so you can get twelve hours of sleep. If this is not acceptable to you, then you are welcome to find somewhere else to live. "I have offered you shelter from the storm but do not ask me to rebuild my house".
Tess
Starting Wt 306; Losing Wt 155; Goal Wt 145: Regain Wt 225; Current Wt 157
PS: FDL Tummy Tuck, Hernia Repair 5/17/12, TT Revision, Butt and Thigh Lift 4/18/13
OH GOD I HAVE BEEN THERE! you are NOT wrong at all for feeling and saying that. and he was RUDE and disrespectful to Say that to you after you were done speaking to him.
i took in not one, not two, but three damn people all on two different times before it sank in that i WILL NEVER do that AGAIN. im sorry but for me it caused me so much stress and issues i really would have him leave IF i were you. but im not so i cant Tell you to do that.
but here is what i had to deal with
first time: he was homeless, i got him into a shelter and my husband got him a job. because he was working nights the shelter would not allow him to stay there during the day. :( WELL thats okay i figured i would let him sleep here during the day! SAME THING YOUR GOING THROUGH - "can you be a little more quiet please" it started out nice and i thought oh im sorry ill try... then he started to eat all my kids food, wouldnt help out around the house (part of the agreement) i couldnt have friends over because he was sleeping in my living room! finally i told him he needed to leave after 3 months of him "crashing here" all of his money he had earned went on useless stuff. he didnt save ANY of it. Just BLAH was happy to have him leave!
second time: (think i would have learned from the first time but hey i have a big heart) my friend lied to me and said she was pregnant and her and her boyfriend were homeless. i had been there done that know how hard it was. WELL i caught her taking birth control pills one morning......................OH HOW PISSED I WAS. another 2 months of my life being mooched off of. they said they would buy food for the house to replace all they had eaten. That never happened. they never helped around the house. if they saw my kids doing something they shouldn't be doing (if i was taking a shower, doing dishes, just over all things they wouldnt help with) they would let my kids do it!!!! AND it was all STUFF THEY LEFT LAYING AROUND KNOWING CHILDREN SHOULDNT TOUCH!!!!!! BLAH all they did was sit on the computer EVERYDAY and do nothing. I finally got them some assistance with food stamps, and i MADE her get a job and once they had that i MADE them LEAVE!
IN any case i will NEVER Take anyone in AGAIN. i hope this will get better for you. its Your house. Your rules. Always remember that please!!!! :)
i took in not one, not two, but three damn people all on two different times before it sank in that i WILL NEVER do that AGAIN. im sorry but for me it caused me so much stress and issues i really would have him leave IF i were you. but im not so i cant Tell you to do that.
but here is what i had to deal with
first time: he was homeless, i got him into a shelter and my husband got him a job. because he was working nights the shelter would not allow him to stay there during the day. :( WELL thats okay i figured i would let him sleep here during the day! SAME THING YOUR GOING THROUGH - "can you be a little more quiet please" it started out nice and i thought oh im sorry ill try... then he started to eat all my kids food, wouldnt help out around the house (part of the agreement) i couldnt have friends over because he was sleeping in my living room! finally i told him he needed to leave after 3 months of him "crashing here" all of his money he had earned went on useless stuff. he didnt save ANY of it. Just BLAH was happy to have him leave!
second time: (think i would have learned from the first time but hey i have a big heart) my friend lied to me and said she was pregnant and her and her boyfriend were homeless. i had been there done that know how hard it was. WELL i caught her taking birth control pills one morning......................OH HOW PISSED I WAS. another 2 months of my life being mooched off of. they said they would buy food for the house to replace all they had eaten. That never happened. they never helped around the house. if they saw my kids doing something they shouldn't be doing (if i was taking a shower, doing dishes, just over all things they wouldnt help with) they would let my kids do it!!!! AND it was all STUFF THEY LEFT LAYING AROUND KNOWING CHILDREN SHOULDNT TOUCH!!!!!! BLAH all they did was sit on the computer EVERYDAY and do nothing. I finally got them some assistance with food stamps, and i MADE her get a job and once they had that i MADE them LEAVE!
IN any case i will NEVER Take anyone in AGAIN. i hope this will get better for you. its Your house. Your rules. Always remember that please!!!! :)
i think it is wrong of him to expect to be able to sleep so long while in some one elses house, he needs to adjust to your life style, but just a side note, my neighbor across the street, her family let a friend stay and was there for over 30 days, well after the 30 day mark there were major problems so they asked this person to leave, she said NOPE....they called the cops and the cops said that since she was there for over 30 days, they had to go to court to get her evicted sinced this was her place of residence for the last 30 days....they had to go to court to get her out of their house....and once the cops were called and they could not do anything, she was making way worse problems and it was a LONG 90 days to get her out of the house...she payed no rent, invited other people,stayed up all night...etc...
so i would check your regulations about how to ask him to leave and such after the first 30 days....it was a mess..im down here in florida...and very costly for them to get her evicted...she paid no rent the whole time she stayed there...
so just check it out....and in my opinion, for a man to sleep 12 hours a day, there is not much time left to do other things besides work, he is a bit depressed i would say....do you think he is drinking or doing drugs? that could be the reason why he sleeps so much and some can hide it very well..
i would send him out, i now he is your friend, but he should be helping you do things around the house and catering to you, not the other way around...im afraid you are going to have a problem getting him out if you dont do it soon
good luck
debby
so i would check your regulations about how to ask him to leave and such after the first 30 days....it was a mess..im down here in florida...and very costly for them to get her evicted...she paid no rent the whole time she stayed there...
so just check it out....and in my opinion, for a man to sleep 12 hours a day, there is not much time left to do other things besides work, he is a bit depressed i would say....do you think he is drinking or doing drugs? that could be the reason why he sleeps so much and some can hide it very well..
i would send him out, i now he is your friend, but he should be helping you do things around the house and catering to you, not the other way around...im afraid you are going to have a problem getting him out if you dont do it soon
good luck
debby
Honestly you are in trouble, you have no right to kick him out now that he established residency, you have to evict him. Yes I did the same very good deed I thought for a friend of my sons, until he tried to burn down my bedroom and ruined my house and I had no legal right to just lock him out. I repeatedly went to the police, he was even arrested. It was a matter of get a restraining order (he was harassing me via text messages and threatening me) or evict him. Either way it was a living nightmare. All he needs is one piece of mail with your address on it and you are scewed. If the guy doesn't know this, I would suggest you just tell him to leave and see if he does. My sons friend knew the law better then anyone I know. It was scary bad trying to make him leave. I listend to all his abuse abandoned stories, is bipolar disorder and thought I was giving a kid a chance that everyone **** on. Instead he stole from me, ruined my house and threatened me and my son. When it came down to calling the police he texted that he would kill himself and his body would be dumped on my deck. Never again will I allow anyone to live with my son, especially someone who cannot afford to pay a penny and lies about everything.
Good Luckl!
Good Luckl!
He hasn't established anything. There is no mail that comes to this place and he is not on my lease. He has no bills with my address and he doesn't keep the majority of his stuff at my house (therefore no PROOF of residency). I don't think he'd fight me on leaving though. We've been round the bend with disagreements before and anytime I"ve asked him to walk away from a situation he has without question so I don't think getting him out would be too much of a problem. He's a reasonable guy. Just annoying as hell.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
Well first off, let me say how much I appreciate you all being straight up with me and telling it like it is. And for your protectiveness. With my "mama-bear" now in heaven it's nice to know I still have a few here on earth.
I am just one of those people who likes to make sure I am doing the right thing. Sometimes I can be selfish but in this case my gut is just saying no. I moved to this house so I could change some things about my life. One of them being that I wanted a house I could truly LIVE in. And in this current arrangement I'm not doing that. In my estimation, that's nobody's fault but my own if I don't stand up for myself.
He's a good guy on the overall. He just tends to be a bit self-centered. I suppose if you're down on your luck you have to be at least a little bit in order to survive. But I'm not tip-toeing around my house. I'm not feeling guilty for taking days off of work and staying home. I most certainly will not feel guilty about my little puppy-love coming next week. I just won't do it. I've spent enough of my life watching life from the sidelines. I am 35 years old. It's time to live this thing.
Thank you all for the perspective. I've decided we probably need some written "ground rules" to refer back to if this is going to work. And I will let him know if he isn't comfortable with the way my house is run, he's welcome to find lodging elsewhere. But bottom line: HE should be looking at how his living arrangements should change, if at all, in this situation. I should not.
I am just one of those people who likes to make sure I am doing the right thing. Sometimes I can be selfish but in this case my gut is just saying no. I moved to this house so I could change some things about my life. One of them being that I wanted a house I could truly LIVE in. And in this current arrangement I'm not doing that. In my estimation, that's nobody's fault but my own if I don't stand up for myself.
He's a good guy on the overall. He just tends to be a bit self-centered. I suppose if you're down on your luck you have to be at least a little bit in order to survive. But I'm not tip-toeing around my house. I'm not feeling guilty for taking days off of work and staying home. I most certainly will not feel guilty about my little puppy-love coming next week. I just won't do it. I've spent enough of my life watching life from the sidelines. I am 35 years old. It's time to live this thing.
Thank you all for the perspective. I've decided we probably need some written "ground rules" to refer back to if this is going to work. And I will let him know if he isn't comfortable with the way my house is run, he's welcome to find lodging elsewhere. But bottom line: HE should be looking at how his living arrangements should change, if at all, in this situation. I should not.
Is there any other option for him besides the couch? If you are wanting to try to work this out, I think it would be easier if he was in a room where he could close the door and you were free to be you in your house -- Kuddos to you, you are a much better person than I am, I could not live with another adult like that -- hope things work out for you but take are of you first -- you have to in order to be healthy.
I have a three bedroom house and two daughters, so a room isn't really an option.
(Btw, my daughters have known him as long as I have so it's not some strange guy living in a house with my kids. They all know each other quite well.)
(Btw, my daughters have known him as long as I have so it's not some strange guy living in a house with my kids. They all know each other quite well.)
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
I think you are too nice in this situation. He is crashing in your house - you are doing him a favor. He does not like it - he needs to move out. Like now.
BTW: I got **** like that from my ex who could not find a place to live after we split up and I agreed he could stay in my house for a few months. He gave me the crap about being too loud.
I told him that if that is too loud for him - he is welcome to move out.. and I would help him packing.
I was considerate, but I was not going to go to bed at 8pm so he can go to sleep.
I think you need to talk to him about the house rules. Think about them - put it in writing... and if he does not like them - he can move out. I am sure you will offer to drive him to his next house - as long as it is no more than 20-30 min away.
BTW: have you not learned that sometimes you are too nice - (your bother) ?
(HUGS) hope you get this resolved.
BTW: I got **** like that from my ex who could not find a place to live after we split up and I agreed he could stay in my house for a few months. He gave me the crap about being too loud.
I told him that if that is too loud for him - he is welcome to move out.. and I would help him packing.
I was considerate, but I was not going to go to bed at 8pm so he can go to sleep.
I think you need to talk to him about the house rules. Think about them - put it in writing... and if he does not like them - he can move out. I am sure you will offer to drive him to his next house - as long as it is no more than 20-30 min away.
BTW: have you not learned that sometimes you are too nice - (your bother) ?
(HUGS) hope you get this resolved.
Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG
"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"
"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."
You are definitely not bein unreasonable, on the other hand he is probably feeling comfortable in your house and entitled to certain things.
I would try and have a sit down conversation about all of this and see if you can both reach a compromise for the sake of your friendship. If no compromise is achieved, then I would ask him to move out as the situation is putting a strain in your relationship and you will not rather have to deal with that right now.
You did the person a huge favor by allowing them to stay with you, but at the same time now they feel for the time being that your home is their home, so they have come to expect certain things based on the way they are used to living. Maybe a reminder that if he was homeless he would probably not get nearly as much sleep may be in order so that he can understand that you are making things for him as good and easy as you can.
Good luck, I hope you guys are able to figure it out.
I would try and have a sit down conversation about all of this and see if you can both reach a compromise for the sake of your friendship. If no compromise is achieved, then I would ask him to move out as the situation is putting a strain in your relationship and you will not rather have to deal with that right now.
You did the person a huge favor by allowing them to stay with you, but at the same time now they feel for the time being that your home is their home, so they have come to expect certain things based on the way they are used to living. Maybe a reminder that if he was homeless he would probably not get nearly as much sleep may be in order so that he can understand that you are making things for him as good and easy as you can.
Good luck, I hope you guys are able to figure it out.
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