OT: "Roommate" Drama

I need an opinion on something. I’m just not used to living with other adults so I’m not sure if I am right or wrong on this.

Ok so long story short. I have a friend. Let’s call him Bob. He didn’t have a place to stay (like was truly homeless) and we’ve been friends forever so I told him he could crash in my living room. I asked him about his situation and it seems he lost his CDL license due to back child support and he needs to pay that down so he can get a good paying jog and get his own place, all of which he hopes to achieve by October by working two jobs.

This all sounded feasible to me so I told him that he could crash there, don’t worry about rent (I would much rather have him out sooner than get rent from him) and he need only worry about any expenses he incurs over and above what I’d normally pay. So good deal, right?

Well, one thing you should know about me is that I don’t sleep a lot in general. It’s not insomnia. Since surgery I simply don’t have the need for a lot of sleep. Six hours is a lot for me. Eight gives me a headache.

He, on the other hand, sleeps all the time. It seems his work schedule only rarely has him working both jobs on the same day but he doesn’t usually get a day off. Ok, fine. Well I am a morning person so one big way my life has changed since he’s been there is that I don’t do most of the stuff I normally do in the morning. I usually get up, play music as I cook and clean in the morning, do my Wii (I have been taking morning walks instead) and just generally loaf around the house until it’s time to get ready for work.

But he’s there. On the sofa. Sleeping. So I do not do it.

In fact, in the morning all I usually do is come downstairs, prep my lunch, make myself some breakfast and go back upstairs.

So about a week ago he starts making these…comments…about how loud he thinks I am. And at first I humored it and asked about it and turns out he’s a really light sleeper so according to him the moment I’m up in the morning he can’t sleep.

Well progressively the comments have gotten more blatant. So yesterday he said to me that I promised him I would be quiet and I’m not being and that was the straw that broke Nik’s back y’all.

I informed him that #1 I agreed to let him crash. I did not agree to rearrange my life. He typically sleeps about 12 hours or more (which I totally do not get but I KNOW that's me). I can and have stayed quietER than I usually am until noon when I'm home all day, which to me seems like an extreme courtesy considering I usually get going around 6.

#2 I would not agree to be quiet all the time because I don’t even think I am capable of doing that. I already knew this summer I’d be kidless, I was getting a puppy and wanted to have house guests and whatnot, none of which are quiet things so I would NOT have promised that.

#3 and for that matter, it’s MY damn house! He’s lucky I’ve made the concessions that I have made but if he finds my house too noisy still, he is welcome to find someplace quieter to crash.

So then he gets all “well excuse me, may I leave the room now, ma’am? I mean this is ‘your house’ so I don’t want to do anything without your permission…Â"

Which made me wonder if I am being unreasonable here. I have explained to him on several occasions that while I am willing to help him, he needs to understand at this particular point in my life, I’m not in a place where I can make too many changes to what I’m doing for the sake of someone else. I’m already not great with big changes and in the last six months I’ve dealt with some whoppers. Just trying to figure out my life and future without my mom in it is enough to reduce me to emotional jell-o most days.

So was I being a *****? I will likely have to deal with his attitude (which galls me cuz…like…he’s staying in my house rent free and complaining!!!), all of which will probably prompt me to ask him to leave before he’s resolved his problem but honestly I’m not going to turn my life upside down. I’ve done a good thing for him and I don’t expect a medal…just some understanding.

What say you?

Tell him to buy some noise canceling headphones of the noise bothers him that much.

 That's a good idea. 

Cuz honestly he's getting on my last damn nerve.

No, Niki, you are not being unreasonable.

You - generously - offered this guy a place to stay while he got his crap together.  He, apparently, feels he is entitled to far more.  I would tell him what you have said here and offer him the above suggestion of head phones or ear plugs.

As for anything else, let him know that you can`t be hostage in your room all day and offer to help him find some other place if necessary.

Here you had a summer break from kids that you could use to help yourself through problems and what do you get.... more childish behaviour from an ungrateful person.

Hope you can resolve this quickly; he`s not much of a friend if he can`t see what you have given up for him.  Perhaps his lack of personal responsibility is what put him in the homeless position in the first place.

>Good luck.

Hey Nik,
Sorry to hear about your situation! I think he is being rude and out of place...it is YOUR house and you are letting him stay there for FREE!!!! In my opinion you have by far exceded what he should expect of you. If I were living rent free with a friend I would be greatful and NOT complain. Just saying....

 Do you value this friendship enough to keep it? He knew your situation beforehand, and you knew his--that's why you offered for him to "crash" on your couch. Personally, I'd probably have to sit him down and have a conversation about him leaving. It seems to me that he's been taking advantage of your generosity and having the gall to complain about things when he isn't really contributing, would make me a donkey on the edge. LOL 

 It is your house, YOUR rules......he is being unreasonable.   He should be more accomandating to your lifestyle.  I would tell him so.  If he gets mad and leaves, he wasn't much of a friend anyway!  Life is too short to be miserable and you have earned the right to live as you please.

You aren't wrong at all, you are giving him a chance to get his life in order. I would arrange to speak to him one more time perhaps in a neutral place, like a coffee shop.

He must to realize that he must make concessions in exchange for free rent. If these concessions are too high for him then, he must find a new place to live.  Also I would suggest ear plugs, they are much cheaper than noise canceling headphones.

I think that when two people start living together, long term or temporary, there has to be a lot of adjustment and concessions on both parts.  I think that if you are unwilling to do that- for whatever reasons, then it might be a good idea to just politely ask him to make plans in the next week or so to stay elsewhere.

There is no reason for you to have to be feeling uncomfortable and restricted in your own home. 

The bottom line is that people that work well as friends do not always work well as room mates and sometimes you don't find that out until you are living together.

I agree with the previous poster, plus I would let him know that you have been trying to keep it quiet but after a certain time, most adults are usually up and about.  I would tell him that after ???? time that all bets are off on quiet and if he could not live like that, you are sorry but he has to make other arrangements.

Just my 2 cents.