How I believe WE sometimes perpetuate negative opinions of obesity

 This post is sort of a desperate cry sort of thing.

 

 

WLS is one of many treatments for obesity. I don’t know why, but a good many of us DON’T believe that in our hearts. We instead choose to believe it is a “Big Brother" or a knight on a white horse come to save us from our defective selves who didn’t have enough will power to “lose it the right way."

NEWSFLASH! Obesity is a difficult condition to overcome. Most of the human body’s core functions actually work AGAINST losing body fat. So in some respects your lack of self-control isn’t even fully IN your control in the first place. And here’s another piece of news. Even skinny people can lack self-control. They are just genetically predisposed to be skinny while you are genetically predisposed to be obese. That’s basically the difference. But there’ve been enough studies in mindless eating to tell me that you can do it whether you are overweight or not.

 

SO…what does this all mean?

 

Well I see lots of people debate about sharing their surgery. Or feeling like they need to “defend" their choice of surgery. I get that mentality. Society thinks of obesity as a character defect instead of a medical condition.

But all that is not helped by the fact that many of US believe the very same thing.

 

Would you apologize for undergoing chemo if you had cancer? Or a heart transplant if you had a genetic heart condition? Or even an acquired heart condition? No! Not only because society doesn’t judge those the same BUT because you – yes you! – don’t judge yourselves the same way in those scenarios.

 

It may take decades or even centuries for mentalities about obesity to change. But I’m here to tell you that we do NOT help the process with our little shame. Shame infers you did something wrong. And in some cases, you may not have been living the most healthy life but for a good many of us…we would still be at least overweight even if we ate healthfully most of the time. Hell, some of us DID eat healthfully most of the time.

So please…STOP believing that you are getting some sort of shameful procedure to “punish" you for your “bad thinking and eating" and START believing that you are being proactive about your health by seeking treatment for a medical condition.

Our grandchildren will thank us for doing this.

 

I  Nik!

 :) you are amazing! :) 

 Very well said.  I have been thinking about this very issue.  It started when I read an article posted on Black Girls' Guide to Weight Loss about Chaka Khan's slim down.  Everyone was asking the question: "Did she have the surgery?"  No one can believe that she did it "on her own" and many became offended when she didn't completely answer the question.  I was angry myself, because I thought, "It's no-body's business!"

At the same time, I have been totally open about having had WLS.  I will admit, it was pre-emptive on my part.  I wanted to answer the question before people felt the need to ask (or wonder behind my back).  So, I guess it was good that I told people long before it happened because it gave me the opportunity to have "the conversation" many times.  

At first, I fell into the trap of explaining myself to a host of people who did not agree with my choice. But then it hit me, while in the middle of yet another discussion about MY choice, that I don't owe any of these people any explanations.  I know what the health benefits will be for me.  I know what I'd already tried.  And that is enough for me.

So... here I am, a month on the other side of WLS, and so far, I am 30 pounds lighter.  It easier for me to take walks with my son.  My knees don't hurt as much as I climb the stairs instead of taking the elevator.  I catch the looks of some of my co-workers. If they want to ask questions, I am open to trying to answer them, but my guilt and the need to explain the "why" of my surgery choice is behind me.

**Whew!!  Thanks for the opportunity to get that off my chest. 

 I read that blog too! Love her witty writing style and down to earth yet real observations. :)

Blowing my own trumpet here, but I really feel I have a good handle on this - FOR ME!

I am past the stage where I announce to everyone I ever meet that I had RNY. I live in a completely different part of the country to where I had my WLS and everyone I know here knows me as I am now. Of course, all my family and good friends know.

However, while I don't offer the information to strangers, or do things to draw attention to myself - like wear jewellry announcing my RNY or have a tattoo with my rebirth date etc, hand waiters a card asking to eat off the child's menu, or make a fuss about NOT having a drink with my food - things that I might have to explain - I am more than happy to talk about it if it comes up in general or specific conversation.

I am PROUD that I took the easy way out - losing and keeping 100lbs off for 8 years is not something I could have done on my own and I refuse to whine about people who think or say it's the easy way out - of course it is! I am an intelligent woman and I took the intelligent way of dealing with my obesity!!!!

 You are my inspiration!!!

Yeah, I am thinking more about the internal. I think you have a good handle on the internal. Before we can outwardly represent WLS in a sane way we have to be able to inwardly believe what we are saying. I see lots of evidence that many of us don't.

But I will also say you do come to that point in your post-op life where many people have ONLY known the smaller you. Those that knew the bigger you remember that person, but they are sort of a distant memory now. That's the point where you and I are. We don't HAVE to defend or even disclose our choice anymore. And if we do, it is PURELY by choice, not because we are explaining any sort of behavior that might seem strange to someone else.

But I admire your tenacity and general approach to life and wish more of us felt empowered to feel that way.

Perhaps 20% of the teachers on the campus where I teach were there when I was SMO. Most of them arrived after I was already below 200, and most know me as a smaller person. And even the people who did know me before? In the education industry, summer's off, and not seeing one another day to day (since we all teach in our own cave -- er -- classroom)... so people forget. Sometimes they see a picture of the "fat me" and even though they knew me then, they always say, "Were you really that big?" because they can't believe it. Even hubby can't believe it.

I was never a big fan of airing my differences in public though when it came to eating establishments. The only people who hear about it from me are medical professionals. And even then it's only when I find it pertinent.

Ok, folks, feel free to blast away...  but it has to be said.

Although I believe that everyone has a right to medical privacy, my concern... and, yes, sometimes my anger... with people being secretive about having had WLS -- and simply saying they are doing it with exercise and changing what they are eating -- is that it perpetuates the LIE that if we can somehow just eat less and exercise, we can lose the weight for good.  We all know what complete and utter BS that is, yet some of us perpetuate that to the outside world by leaving out the "little detail" about having had surgery.  All that does is heap more guilt and shame on those who are still suffering with being trapped in MO/SMO bodies by telling them that, with just a little more effort, they, too, could lose all that excess weight!  And THAT makes me angry. 

If people want to keep their WLS private, then -- IMO -- it would be far better for them to just say NOTHING -- decline to answer the question entirely, or laugh it off as some new miracle pill or a visit to a witchdoctor -- instead of giving the false impression that they are doing it by exercise and eating smaller, healthier portions alone... because they are NOT... and it is disingenuous to intentionally lead people to believe that it is.  If everyone denied the usefulness of WLS, NONE of us would ever have had it because WE would still have people telling us that they were just exercising and eating less or not eating suagr/carbs!

Lora

 AMEN SISTA!

To add to that, even letting people see our failures is healthy IMHO. This is not a magic pill. It's not voodoo. You have to WORK at this to be successful. So by sharing the good, bad and UGLY I am hopeful that someday:

1. People will embrace that this is NOT the easy way out
2. That they'll be mindful that obesity is a lifelong fight
3. Won't judge those of us who struggle quite so harshly

But maybe I am idealistic.