How I believe WE sometimes perpetuate negative opinions of obesity

 Your last thought really resonated with me.

I started this process at one job and now am at another. At my old job everyone knew. And I was the poster child. But folks were super supportive. My name was Nikki "we're-so-proud-of-you-for-turning-your-life-around" Massie.

This new job I HAD to tell my supervisor my first day because I had a unit lunch at a restaurant known for very large portions (even their small plates are HUGE). And I was only three months post-op so I didn't want folks thinking I was snobby or ungrateful. From there I let folks approach me about it. I will never forget, this one lady, who is the sweetest person, approached me and goes:

"I notice you've been...changing lately. Is that intentional?"

This was about 3 months into working here and I'd lost about 50 lbs. during that time. That was funny! 

I get where you're coming from. I just want folks to make sure their minds are right. Regardless of whether you speak u*****t, WLS is not a shameful thing!

I think a lot of that "poster child" effect can be mitigated by how YOU handle it with people who know.  If you don't make a big deal about what you can and cannot (or choose not to) eat, or about how little you eat, and just treat it as you would the decision to have any other medical procedure designed to improve your health and quality of life, most OTHER people will follow your elad and not make a big deal out of it.  I do understand your concern, but you can only be a "poster child" if you allow yourself to be.

Lora

I decided to let people know that I am having surgery and like others *****sponded, say it is a tool to help me get healthy.  I have had mostly positive responses to this.  Since I really do believe it is a tool, I don't mind talking about having it done.  I just didn't want to try and come up with something to say when people start asking.  I know they will because my boss had it done but didn't want to tell anyone and it is me that everyone goes to, to ask if he had surgery.  I use the same phrase as above, that he is working with his doctor and worked hard to lose weight.  But I decided I didn't want to do that for myself - I'm just going to be upfront and factual, like it's no big deal, just the method I chose to get to my goal.

Nobody ever asked. Ever! I decided to keep it to myself, I told people it was surgery to stop the GERD (my losing my voice daily was very very obvious -- still is for that matter) and I had lost so much prior to even getting approved for the surgery and everyone knew I was trying VERY hard to diet, and that first 53 lbs was all me. Perhaps that is why people didn't ask. Or as I said, they probably just weren't all that "into me".

Another excellent post for the big ol' WLS book o' wisdom. And I am including Lora, Sin, and all of the other vets when I say that.

 Yeah, that's about the only way it'd happen is if there were collaborators!

Lora, you be the project manager, k?

 K! 

Lora

I believe you can keep this surgery private and not lie. People at work would ask me what I was doing and I would tell them I was getting help from my Doctor. That would end the conversation for most people.

For those who continued to ask I would tell them "I'm keeping it private for now". I did eventually tell a couple of people who I thought might benefit from knowing there is help available but nothing came of it.


Every time I have tried to lose weight in the past I had to listen to unsolicited advice and hear the "should you be eating that?" kind of comments.
With the RNY I knew it would be a lot of work and I wanted to focus totally on myself and not have to be concerned with what other people thought.

That's a really good point. 

Yes, saying something like you're in a medically supervised weight loss program or simply getting help from your doctor is more honest than leading people to believe you are using diet/exercise totally alone.

I think you have a pretty good attitude.

Oh, yeah, I also mentioned that I was on a special diet supervised by my doctor (no lie that!)