A morsel for thought

Oh yes I'm sure many times we're annoyed because people should remember and they don't. Just throwing out that additional perspective.

I've come to accept that some people really care to remember about my needs and some don't and that's the way the world is always going to work, so up to this point I pretty much didn't get upset about being offered off-limits things...because I didn't want them anyway.

But this was a new one for me. It made me have to stop and think about why I behaved the way I did in reaction. Usually I know myself and my reactions (even the dysfunctional ones) pretty well. This one hit me from the left.

 It made me have to stop and think about why I behaved the way I did

I think that this sentence shows the most powerful part of this entire process... the more we do this, the greater our power over behavior that doesn't do good for us. When I get upset about something it bugs the heck out of me until I figure out why it bothered me.

After all this time since your surgery he "forgot" that you cannot eat sugary foods?!?!? Yeah, more B12 for him... with a magnesium/zinc/selenium chaser!  

Lora

LOL! (I know you were responding to Kelly, below is my after-impression)

When I asked about the offer later, the person who offered me said "well I see you eating ice cream sometimes..."

It's sugar free ice cream and I only eat a serving but I had to remind myself that most non-ops don't pay as much attention to the nitty gritty as I do. They saw Nikki eating ice cream which meant, to them, that maybe I could have other treats as well.

Non-ops...they fascinate me...in a very "National Geographic" sort of way...

Well, there's some room for him to be able to go enjoy folks he sees in church with you along, isn't there?  You can just drink some iced tea or something and enjoy meeting folks.  Smile and say "no, thanks, I just finished eating." You might find some new friends.

I'm pre-op but I can see already that I am going to have issues with my friends partner. He always thinks I need more....tortillas, tequila, a bigger piece of watermelon....but he is also the guy who makes sure that there's food without tomatoes to accommodate my allergy and that I don't drive home if I'm too tired even if I'm not drinking. Maybe there's hope that he'll come around.

I'm with you though, my issue is going to be that I want it, and how many times I can say no.

Cherie

Maybe we should do a scientific study on non-ops.  It might be very revealing.

You have no idea how much I needed to read this right now. I am actually in the midst of a fight with my husband about this very topic. It was my birthday yesterday and we were invited to my mother in laws for a birthday dinner. I was asked what I would like to eat, through my husband, she never asked me directly. So I told him salmon and he told her salmon. I also volunteered to bring dessert which she knew I was bringing. I made sugar free necterine sorbet. We get there and she had made rice as the side dish, which I cannot eat, and a huge triple layer chocolate cake for dessert. I was honestly in tears. I don't know if I was just sensative because it was my birthday or what, but this really upset me. Why would someone make a chocolate cake for my birthday knowing I can't eat it.???? I am 9 months post op, I've lost 125lbs and never once has my mother in law made any mention of my weight loss. We live near them and eat with them at least once a week, and I've never expected her to cook a certain way for me. I just eat what I can and leave what I can't. It just that it was supposed to be MY birthday dinner. Why would she make a cake I can't eat???? I tried to explain to my husband that it was insensitve and he didn't agree. He thought I'd brought a dessert I can eat so who cares but it really hurt me. I asked him if they would serve beer at my birthday dinner if I had just completed 9 months of AA???? It was supposed to be about me!

 This made me smile. I’ve had a birthday cake every year since surgery. I have eaten none of it. But then we each have our own feelings about these things. I didn’t want my birthday to seem weird, so there was a cake and everyone else ate it. Sugar isn’t really  my thing (had there been birthday Doritos I likely would have reacted the same as you!).

The tricky part here is that non-ops are really only going to absorb so much of what we tell them we need in our post-op lives. They aren’t like us. Their very existences don’t depend on following a set of eating rules. I tried my best to prioritize. What is the MOST important thing for them to remember? For me, that was to not try to force me to eat more than I was going to eat and to shut up about not having dessert or a drink with my meal. I forgave them the other stuff they didn’t know because those were the things that were essential to getting through a meal smoothly.

I guess I just felt it wasn't really 'about me' on my birthday! I never expect anyone to refrain from eating or cooking whatever they want but on this one day I thought it would have been nice to have a meal that I could eat every part of. It was like I wanted a vacation from feeling like I'm different somehow because of what I eat. It just makes it seem so obvious when my plate has just salmon and salad on it and everyone else has rice and rolls and cake. I just didn't want to feel like I was missing out on something and I did.