A morsel for thought

I see here many times folks (especially new folks) posting here upset, or at least perturbed, that their friends, families or loved ones offered them something they are clearly not supposed to eat. It seems insensitive, like they are not trying to support our process.

Usually (and I know this is bad) I roll my eyes at that sentiment (and have the good sense not to post about rolling my eyes) because I'm a big believer that WE had surgery, not our loved ones and while it would be nice if they acted in a way that was 100% supportive to our processes, that isn't always realistic so we should not necessarily expect that this will happen.

Well, this weekend I got irked by someone offering ME something I clearly should not have and I had something of an epiphany.

I wasn't mad because my family offered me something they knew I could not have.

I was mad because...I WANTED to take it.

Temptation! That's what I was mad at! In the beginning I wasn't tempted by much. Food was absolutely disgusting to me and I had no desire for it. Four years later, that same stuff I acted all horrified that I used to eat looks pretty damn good now and where I didn't DESIRE or CRAVE it before, I do on occasion now.

So just a morsel for thought. Next time you get angry at someone for having or offering you something you shouldn't have, think about whether you're mad at them for offering it or yourself for wanting it.

You have far more strength than me. If I'm tempted I don't think twice.

I get mad when hubby offers something, I turn him down, and he asks two more times. I usually say, "When I said no the first time I meant it. I meant it when you asked a second time. Why do you keep asking?"

His problem is that he always thinks I don't eat enough. For a while I didnt' eat enough to keep a gnat alive. but now I'm gaining on what I eat, I don't need him offering me more food! 

Luckily most of the tim what hubby offers isn't tasty for me. But then again, I have a very limited list of things I do eat, and his foods don't often tempt me.

I wish I had that Lith. I wish.

But then again for me it isn't about the food. Remember, I have a food addiction. It could be food in the damn trash and it isn't 100% off limits in my warped brain.

I have an inherent distrust of liking and temptation, especially with regards to food. I always have. You may not remember, but my earliest posts here were littered with diatribes about thinking foods I like (even things like baby carrots) were "out to get me."

Up until now I didn't feel that resentment about being offered something. But when I did I paused a moment and said "hey, where did that come from?" And once I thought about it, that's what came to the surface.

So I had to (SIGH) apologize for being snippy. I hate when I have to do that. Ugh.

I get bored with my food (but you know, I eat a boring diet)

I can't imagine temptation.... which is probably why I often don't respond to posts about mind-sets I don't quite get.

I plan on giving in to temptation during my two planned vacations this December and next February. I won't count the calories. (but I'm sure my dumping, RH, and restriction WILLL count for me)

right now ALL my foods are out to get me... or rather, to remain with me in perpetuity -- on my thighs.

I long since accepted that skinny is NOT what the universe intended for me. Interestingly skinny is not what I wanted going into this process. I wanted smallER...not small. I just drank the Kool-Aid somewhere along the way.

But speaking of...RH...ugh. Yeah, even better deterrent for me than dumping. I HATE that feeling and avoid it at all costs! Thankfully I'm still at the point where I know what will elicit an episode.

When I switched to almost all fat/protein high foods and dropped nearly all carbs but complex ones my RH became something I don't deal with much any more. I thought dumping was hell, but frankly, my desire to avoid RH way way outpaced my desire to avoid dumping, so now that I have the RH the dumping is a thing of the past (because I just don't do sweets anymore)

And I'm with you on the smallER not small.... that's my true desire. And when I look in the mirror I like where I'm at. But I got rid of all my clothing except for a few items in size 12, mostly I have 10s and I'm just NOT a 10 anymore. I fear going up to a 14 if I purchase 12's.... if I knew that my "new maintenance" was where I'm at now (and I have been more or less maintaining)... I'd donate my 10s, buy 12s and be done with it. But the fear of going back up by giving in and buying larger is still bigger.

BUT I've promised hubby that beginning this Friday, five days a week I'll do water aerobics for five weeks. We also might throw in a couple of miles of walking prior to the water aerobics. (laps for him, but aerobics for me, I get ear infections super easy... from the water or the ear plugs).

My plan is to get some bit of tone to my muscles and soup up my metabolism so that I can maintain at what I now eat instead of cutting a diet that keeps my RH at bay.

My lowest size was an 8. I fit into one dress that was a size 6 and that freaked me out badly!

They are gone. I have my 12's now for two years. No matter how much or little I eat, the 12's are my reality.

But then one day I realized something. If that's the case...I am ok with that. If I can eat well MOST of the time, splurge SOME of the time and stay in 12's...hell, that's a good deal!

Or maybe I'm justifyin'. Who knows?

What is RH?

RH is reactive hypoglycemia.

mmm

I don't usually get mad because I know other people cannot keep track of what I can and cannot, or should and should not, or will and will not, eat.  People that know me do know I don't eat meat and don't offer me that.  But as far as the amount of sugar I can or will eat, and starchy carbs and stuff, well sometimes it's hard for me to keep track!  And it changes from time to time.  Like, for a while I was willing to eat more carbs but now I'm not (at least not usually) because of the reactive hypoglycemia.  So I don't think it's reasonable to expect others to remember the list of stuff I don't want to be offered.

I did get annoyed a little while back, though, when my partner came home from church on Sunday morning and announced that that evening his church was having a pie social and eagerly asked me if I wanted to go.  I looked at him like he was an idiot - 'cause at that moment I was thinking he was an idiot - and said "Pie social?  You think there will be many sugar free pies there?  Why would I want to go somewhere to watch a bunch of people I don't even know eating a bunch of pie that I cannot eat?"  

I was not annoyed because I wanted pie.  Honestly.  I was annoyed because I felt like, he has known since I had surgery, more than three years ago, that I cannot eat much sugar.  He said, "Oh, I forgot about that."  Really?  I think he needs more B12!  I was annoyed because I felt like he was not thinking of me at all to forget something like that.