Can't, Shouldn't and Don't want to...

Well said, Nik.  My husband and I were discussing food this morning and I said "just because I can, doesn't mean I should." It is amazing to me how much I have changed where food is involved since I started this process, I have become the person who can say "No thanks.  Although that looks amazing, it really has no nutritional value for me." It isn't always EASY to say it...but I CAN!!

I agree that the ability to say that has a lot to do with my growing self-esteem.  The more weight I lose, the healthier I feel physically, the more energy I have, and the more motivation I have to eat "clean" and make good choices.  I remind myself often that making the wrong decision is "only cheating myself."   This is my shot!! This is my chance to be the person I USED to be.  I cannot mess this up. I don't want to!

I'm striving right now to meet my protein goal with food sources only. I'm not a fan of the shakes, no matter how much sf syrup or other flavoring I add and protein bars all taste like cardboard to me. Yesterday was the first day I managed to get all of my protein in without using a shake or bar and I felt SO good about it.  Today, I have planned my menu to meet this goal again. I can and I want to!!

Be VIBRANT my friends! You deserve this longer, healthier life :-)

Nice post, for me I'm both in I can't and in I don't want to right now (I don't want to only because I'm not hungry and have no appetite). It's a good place for me at this time ... hopefully I'll be prepared for the other stages once they come my way!

Thank you for sharing that

You have just put into words something I've been struggling with.  I especially LOVE the "don't want to"!!  I'm in kind of an odd position at the moment because I suddenly lost 20 pounds that I didn't want to lose while going through bowel obstruction surgery.  If I want breast reconstruction surgery, I actually have to gain some weight.

However, I DON'T WANT TO...eat foods that are not healthy, eat foods that have too much fat and sugar, eat too much volume and be uncomfortable and stretch my limits.  I also think I SHOULDN'T do any of those things.  I CAN do any of those things since I do not dump--I only feel icky and uncomfortable--but I shouldn't and I don't want to.

I haven't expressed myself very well, but somehow your post has clarified some conflicted feelings I've been having, and I thank you.

I so look forward to reading your posts. What you say and how you say it; just makes my day! I thank you for your words of wisdom and your spirit of humor.

I think I have to get my mindset to tell ME that It's not "deprived" with the can'ts and the don'ts. I know that may sound weird; but I think I have to look at it like you said...."...for the first time in my whole life I actually do love myself and I want to be healthy and feel good and live a long life..."

I do want to be healthy, I do want to feel good about my food choices, I do want to gain control over my choices for me! I want to be happy and alot of that ties into my being angry at me for becoming this obese woman (that barely even resembles a female anymore).

I want to regain ME that is inside me. I want the inside to be reflected on the outside.

Thanks!
Bren

As a newbie (one week post-op) this is SO encouraging to me.  I'm already beginning to feel like I'd kill for a piece of anything other than protein shakes, yogurt or broth.  The thing that holds me in check is that 'can't'.  I thankfully will be in that phase for a long time, but am finding I fear the day when I'm actually really hunger and crave a bad choice.  I haven't been sure I will have the will-power when the time comes -- simply out of choice and not out 'can't'.  I literally break into tears at the thought of going through all of this just to end up back at the same place I started.  I get that this is only a tool and all of that, but I just thought that after surgery, I'd be stronger about it and not have the thought of not being able to wait until the next stage -- just for the food.

I keep wondering why in the world I want this sooooooo bad, but one week I'm already having this 'urge' to mess it up???  I haven't done it, but that 'urge' is so strong it scares me.

This thread has given me such hope that by the time the choices come, I will have 'practiced' enough, seen encouraging enough weight loss, and have developed a new mindset that I will be able to make those right choices.   Thank you!

 I know the fear.
The obsessing about food stopped for me once I was able to eat real food. It was soft food, all protein, and not much of it, and that was okay. That was plenty. Very likely you'll feel the same. After preop dieting and postop puree, your brain is fretting about this lack of food. I suspect our jaws tell our brains they haven't bitten anything in a long time...send down a mastadon or something!

I still fear backsliding. I fear it more now that I have more choices about food. What helps, so far, is hearing others' successes, reaffirming that I don't want to eat crap, and resetting my mind to one minute at a time, one choice at a time, one day at a time. Hey, it's just like pre-WLS! With the crucial difference that now it's possible.

Nik - awesome post, what a gift you not only have, but share with the rest of us.  The timing of this is just what I need, thanks.
Jackie