OT - My trip to Six Flags with three M.O. people

So yesterday the fam went to Six Flags (and folks when I say the fam I am likely to be talking about anyone as I have been "adopted" into so many different families! This time I speak of babydaddy's mom, aunt and sisters).

Well the divas grandma, her name is Renae, is about 340-ish, one aunt is easily 350 and one of her friends is the same and being there with them reminded me of why I used to HATE amusement parks.

As we got set to go on rides they all excitedly got in line for the roller coasters and I got a bad gut feeling but I kept it to myself, but I was right. Each time the trudged down, angry that the could not fit on the rides. Grandma muttered about suing the amusement part for not making the rides big enough and then casually said she should have WLS like me so she can ride the rides (I did not go there with her on that comment although it was prolly a teachable moment).

But guys have you ever been with friends or family who are still big and you are not and almost had "survivor's guilt"? I was able to go on all those rides they couldn't go on. Most of them I didn't (they insisted on doing rollercoasters right after lunch - which for me ultlimately came back up as they cooked all fried stuff - so I sat out the coasters) but still...I COULD have. And somehow that made me feel a twinge guiltly. But only a twinge and only for a moment! I am proud of what I've accomplished and happy that it now affords me more mobility.

Incidentally grandma is the one who goes walking with me around the lake. I physically had to take sugar from her. I swear, she needs some better diabetes education. She thinks because her doctor TOLD her to eat a banana every day that it is ok to eat said banana...then eat cookies and cake five minutes later. I explained to her that bananas have a LOT of sugar and that she needs to let that go through her system before getting any more sugar and for that matter...stop eating so much sugar!

Sigh...

 That's frustrating! Yes, I do get the " Survivor's Guilt" feeling with a friend of mine. She's on all sorts of medications, pressure cuffs for circulation in her legs, etc. at the age of 34. Then I remember why I'm planning to have surgery--so I can live life to the fullest and stop being a prisoner of my mind and body. 

As for grandma, I used to go through that with my mother all the time when she was first diagnosed diabetic. It was frustrating, but once her doctor brought up insulin injections being the next step, she started eating better and getting some exercise. Not only did she lose some weight, but her A1C level got down to an acceptable level. She does still take some meds for it, but she's on low dosages.

Unfortunately, you can't shake people and tell them they are killing themselves. They have to come to their own conclusion to change for the better. ;)

yeah ultimately she has to want it for herself. The thing that trips me out is she was best friends with MY mom who just died from her diabetes. I personally don't know if I can watch that happen to another person. It may come down to me not being able to be as close to her which sounds ass-holey but I am not ok in my spirit with how my mom died. If I can help Renae avoid that same fate I will but I will NO****ch her slowly kill herself.

Thanks for understanding.

I have not had the more extreme amusement park experience but there is one friend of mine who is still SMO and if we do (or attempt to do) almost anything that involves more than just walking from the car, I feel a slight twinge of guilt. Her medical insurance does cover WLS, but she is still in that "I would rather be fat than have my guts rearranged" place (and had made a couple of harsh remarks to me about not understanding why I changed my mind about having the surgery (when I originally did not want RNY or DS because the thought of it scared me)), so remembering those things usually erases that twinge.

Lora

I had an overweight friend and sometimes I feel guilt around her. The last time was at a restraunt when I fit in the booth just fine and she struggled.  On the flip side I am going to 6 flags in two weeks and I can not wait to ride all the rides I could never go on!!!!!  Will have lots of pictures

 This is a very thought-provoking subject. I was so very recently over 300 pounds and disabled from it. The memories of causing my companions hassle and ruining their good time are fresh. Being a buzzkill was one of the main reasons I went ahead with WLS. Actually, I hadn't allowed the shame of it to surface until right now.

Also fresh are memories companions who didn't let me slow them down. People at work who I thought were my friends raced on ahead to get to their cars and drive home; they couldn't spend an extra four minutes walking with me. Being obese and disabled shows you who your friends are.

I have never been on the other side, except with my mom, and she gets to play the age card all she wants! 

The only conclusion I can reach is if people are kind and stay with me, I feel guilty and they feel they're losing out. If they go on ahead and live normally and have fun without me, I feel unloved and they either feel guilty or don't give it a second thought.

Even 5 years later, the memories of having to walk more slowly than others or being the one in the group who made us have to sit at a table instead of a booth at dinner, etc.  -- and being thankful for those friends who were particularly kind about it -- are still pretty vivid, so I try to be especially sensitive to those things with my friends/acquaintances who are still MO or SMO.

Lora

I actually had the guilt for months *before* the surgery.  This whole journey started for me when I went to a WLS seminar with a friend of mine who is MO.  I was there to support her, and didn't even have WLS on my radar.  But at that seminar, I found out that my insurance covered it.  So I started considering it.  My friend's insurance does not cover any type of WLS.  She is still MO and diabetic, and now I am wearing a size 12.  It actually makes me a little uncomfortable when she tells me I look great.  She's a wonderful friend and a beautiful person, and I just keep hoping she will find a way to lose the weight.  Hopefully, her husband will finally get on at Boeing, and then they will have insurance that covers WLS.  That's what I pray for!

I completely understand your feelings.  My BFF is MO.  When we travel together I feel so guilty that I can fit in the airplane seat with extra space and she has to put up the arm rest to fit in the seat.  Then it is difficult for her to keep up just walking around taking in the sights because of her size and physical aliments.  It is hard not to feel guilty because I was in the same place a few years ago.

But good news now almost 3 years after my surgery she has decided she is going to have RNY and I am so relieved and happy for her.  I went to the WLS seminar with her and I had the same feelings of guilt has I sat in the room with everyone of different shapes, sizes and stages in their lives and almost wanted to cry because I felt so blessed that I had the chance to change the way my life was headed. 

Christy

Hmmm, not sure if I can call it guilt, but it is something.

Most of my friends are bigger. They hate to be outside during the summer. I LOVE being outside. We live by the water. I'd like to go to the dockside bars and restaurants and chill. They want to be in the airconditioning.

Our group of friends are all turning 40 these days. We are all very close and do something big..like pitch in and bought one girl a pair of diamond stud earrings. This year is my turn. What is my dream? to be on a beach in Mexico. I know they dont want to do that, so I dont even bring it up. How about something adventurous? Cant do that either...too strenuous.

So, guilt? I cant say its a guilty feeling, but more of a 'dont you want to feel better' feeling. I understand that yes, I chose surgery and that isnt for everyone.

Agh..not sure what Im trying to say...Make any sense?