Unsupportive Spouse or Family?

 I am still with my hubby, I guess there are reasons, but he's never been supportive on many fronts so I guess it's a sad routine that I've just come to expect. 

I think it's hard to when family Say things like have you tried eating less....duh..you think?  Rny wasn't the easy way out for me, I still struggle daily with how to eat for weight loss.  I wish family could say things like, wow that's a big step, what do you need from me to help you with it....of course if my hubby said that I'd fall over dead from the shock, but you know, it would be nice to hear it.

My wls counsellor really helped me through some tough feeling with the lack of support, I hope Mtex has that resource available

HVFaith,

It saddens me to think that you have come so far, yet are in such an unsupported relationship.

For you, I hope the day comes when you will have the strength to no longer settle for less than what you deserve. 

I pretfy well said like it or lump it. This is what I need to do to be healthy. Since surgery I won't sit in the car while he eats fast food or go through the drive thru. For those who say it is the easy way out, ask them to eat 6 1oz cups of food and see how they feel. This is a lot of effort and is by no means "easy

If you ever see my blog I went through this..and it sucked because the only real support i had was my mother and she was AGAINST it..saying it was the easy way out..etc.

today she is my BIGGEST supporter and even spent a week with me post op and took care of my dog  how did i do it? I was honest with her and really SHOWED her that i was going to do this ..whether she supported me or not. I also wasnt argumentative or negative..and showed her the benefits, showed her a few you tube channels of ppl my age who had the surgery..and just overall let her know everything was going to be ok.

It took time (this change didnt happen until i was 2 weeks pre op because i was afraid to tell her ) lol.

 This is your life, you need to do this for you. He will come around, if he doesnt then maybe reconsider the reasons you are with him to begin with. My man was very worried about the surgery and expressed his view on it openly, but told me he would love me through this, either way. I had the surgery and he held my hand and never left my side.. that is what a partner does.. though sickness and heath, they will support you. This isnt a nose job or a boob job.. depending on your weight this could be life and death. I was sure that if I didnt have RNY within a few years id be dead..  Im 13 weeks out and I cry everyday.. not because im sad, but because I did this for myself and I had the strengh to fight back when people tried to talk me out of my decison. Good luck girl, you do you!

It's tough, I know.

I have a couple of naysayers in my life in the form of my mom and stepdad. They had several 'talks' in which they aired their ignorance with my husband before I had surgery. Notice I said with my husband. They didn't have the gumption to say anything to me.

Of course, I love them but they act like knuckleheads, so anything they say goes in one of my ears and out the other.

Remember you are doing this for yourself. Others may try to change your mind or say dumb things, but you are in charge of your own ship.

All I can say is, "Why are you still married to someone so mean?".... ..... trust me, you need to finish this journey that you are on,  then purge the negative out of your life.  As for family, do you really care what they think?  Gravitate to the positive influences that you have.  I have only told one sister and 3 cousins ( that have had WLS) about my upcoming surgery.  I know how the rest of them may react and I refuse to let them dampen my spirit or how far I have come... they are not living my life, I am...My husband is a runner, training for his next marathon as we speak and is very supportive of me getting healthy....I wish you had that support also, but find your inner voice and  Always remember, "We teach people how to treat us!"..... as you start feeling better about yourself, you will re-evaluate what you will tolerate in your life....  GOOD LUCK to you... be strong... 

I have not told my husbands family at all...they are just not the supportive type. My husband told them he has to have a necessary surgery and his moms response was "OHHH ROB" like disappointment... so I KNOW without telling them that this is not something they need to know right now...

I would just talk to them about everything else but this... they know now you made your decision.... they have no say in it...

Juls

My husband and I are both gastric bypass patients so we do give each other pleanty of support.  WIth that being said....we are getting NO support from our families.  I made the decision to cut my parents out of my life the night before my surgery (3 months ago) because of how unsupportive and toxic they were being.  My husbands parents...well they  just don't understand why we would ever have the surgery.  They love their food way too much and would rather be obese. 
It's totally true when they say that relationships change after surgery...in my case it was the night before but I'm a happier person with out them in my life.
Good luck to you!

~Jennifer
Surgery date 3/19/12

 Thanks everyone for your replies!  I appreciate the support I get here, very much, it pulls me through for sure.  A book would need to be written as to why I stay, or perhaps a country song,, ( its not for the kids because we don't have any!) but anyhoo, I think what I hear throughout is there are many instances of no support, still we make the decision choose life, and thus surgery for some of us.  That is what makes us special, we finally do something for us.  This journey is a piece of healing my whole life, but it was a vital part.  There's no way I would have had the courage to even write a post on a site like this, if I hadn't come so far and learned so much about me through this.  I've been married for 25 years, there's a lot of luggage there, some good, some not good, but for now I focus on me, and changing my insides, so I could change my outside which is now helping me change my whole life, one little step at a time.  So I say, to heck with those who don't support us- I am doing this for me, if they come around great, if not, well who knows where I'll be when I reach my goals.  All the advice I read here was good advice!!  This is a wise crowd, All I can say MTex, is this journey is quite a ride, and you have to be prepared for the bumps if you want to get to your destination