My thoughts on "slow losers, stalls and other self-deprecating thoughts."

Admittedly, when I was new out I had no idea how much weight to expect to lose. I also was unaware of the existence of Obesity Help at that time and had nobody to compare my losses against.

At my two week appointment (which actually happened just shy of three weeks post-op), I’d lost 13 lbs. I was happy as a clam.

I share this to say that I see a lot of worried posts about not losing fast enough, why isn’t the surgery working for me? Am I going to fail? I’m not going to waste my time trying to convince you all that you are actually losing weight very fast. Hell, at warp speed if you look at the mechanics of metabolism and the human instinct to store fat. It’s not worth the time spent to make that argument because half of you in your hearts STILL won’t believe or acknowledge it.

BUT I do have this to offer…

Warning: this is probably going to sound harsh but it’s what I think every single time I see these posts.

You probably did not get fat (and yes I did say fat because that is what we either are or were, present company included) overnight. Even those of us, like me, who were born big (9 lbs, 3.5 oz., baby!) did not become morbidly obese overnight.

So I am wondering why we expect that the weight should come off overnight? Or even within a few months.

And in reality it SHOULDN’T. We shouldn’t have an easy time of it in my honest opinion. Why?

An easy time of it doesn’t afford you the time and space to think about why you became obese in the first place. Fat can happen as a byproduct of your genetics. Obese happens because of other factors that come into play and you need to know what those factors are if you ever hope to overcome them.

For some of us this is about addiction. For others, coping mechanisms. For some it’s a way to deal with trauma. I don’t know what your issues are, but in the time you are losing (fast, slow or otherwise) you are supposed to be learning your issues alongside learning to replace poor behavior with healthy behavior.

So no…WLS is not a quick exodus from obesity. And it should not be. Barring some very particular cir****tances, you did this to yourself, for some reason. You should, rightfully, have to work very, very hard to UN-do it. It’s not magic. It’s not a cure-all. It doesn’t do the job by itself. And it should not. 

Now I don’t want to sound completely heartless. It’s just that we torture ourselves with these notions that WE are going to be the ONLY one who fails at this. Everyone else will get skinny…but no, no! We will stay fat.

Think about how self-centered that thought is. Really. You are that big of a deal that the entire universe and metabolics would conspire together to make YOU the one and only failure of this process?

No. Nobody is that damn important. Not me, not you, not anybody.

So as opposed to torturing yourselves with scales, empower yourself with tools that will last well beyond your magic window. Tools that will hold up after you begin the hard work of maintenance 

In my estimation those tools include (but are not limited to):

-a good basic understanding of nutrients

-a good basic understanding of portion sizes

-a good basic understanding of the principles of exercise and the benefits

-a good therapist, support group or some other mechanism to help you get a good basic understanding of how you got to this place in life in the first place

Again, this is just my opinion, but your time is much better spent investing in your future. Your body will lose the weight in fits and starts. You’ll stall, seemingly forever. You’ll make mistakes (hell, I’d be more worried if you didn’t make mistakes than that you did). You’ll learn.

But when you think you’re going to fail and revert back to your old self, consider this. Have you EVER known a person who gets lots of physical activity, drinks plenty of water, eats healthy food and has a good handle on their emotions…have you ever known a person like that to GAIN weight? If you can find one person who is doing all these things and gaining, hell, I’ll worry right along with you but a healthy body is a natural extension of a healthy lifestyle.

If you want the end result for LIFE instead of for just right now, you gotta learn to live that lifestyle. 

Now I don’t want to sound completely heartless. It’s just that we torture ourselves with these notions that WE are going to be the ONLY one who fails at this. Everyone else will get skinny…but no, no! We will stay fat.

Think about how self-centered that thought is. Really. You are that big of a deal that the entire universe and metabolics would conspire together to make YOU the one and only failure of this process?

I had an excellent therapist once that used to say tell me, "You are not that special.  You are not that unique."  That may have been the most helpful thing ever to come from my many years of therapy.

Thank you for this post.... It was well said and for me, I will remind myself of this as I continue on in my journey towards a healthier me :)

 my hero! :P

This should go in the Big Book 'o WLS wisdom.

THanks for the post.  It spoke to my heart and head.

But....but....you mean I'm not a special snowflake?? Daggone, now I'm shattered.

Great post and great reminder. It can be hard to quell those nagging thoughts of failure, esp when you can't drown 'em out with food, but it's good to remember that you almost have to TRY to fail at this thing. Slow loss is still a loss and that's a good thing!

Thanks for the post!

Thanks for the reality check from someone who's not quite 3 weeks out.

standing ovation!