OT Rant - I'm not mad or surprised, just annoyed

 My children's dad.

SIGH.

So for the past year I have been praying for this man's safety in church as he serves in Afghanistan. 

Over Christmas we had some drama because he got a pass to come back to the States and did not use ANY of that time to come see his kids, instead going with his wife to another state to visit her family (even though we offered to collectively fly him up here on the tail end of the visit to spend at least a day with the kids. Don't get me wrong I respect a marriage but she's been in the picture 2 years. Your kids, who worry every day about you, can get one day!).

So I'm over that pretty much. He is who he is.

Well he was supposed to leave Afghanistan two weeks ago. A week ago I get an IM saying they hadn't moved him yet, he's so mad, he misses his kids, etc. I felt bad for him. As per usual, I pray for his safe journey home.

Fast forward to today when I am talking to my BDOBM (baby daddy's other baby mama). She casually mentions how he's ready to take the kids for the summer next week. So I'm like "he's back?" and she's like "you didn't know?" NO, I didn't know! And here's the rub. If it were his second or third day back I'd say ok...let the man adjust. He's been back like a week!

Ok so let me get this straight. You get back from a frickin WAR ZONE and you can't call your kids to say "hey, I am back"???

What kills me is that I KNOW he is better than this. I know he's capable of being better than this.

I originally thought maybe he was going to surprise the kids but in speaking with BDOBM he ended up speaking to their son. So I'm surprised my kids dont know because they talk every day but I know it couldn't be a surprise because otherwise why would the son know?

Anyway, like I said, I'm not mad. At this point not even surprised. I'm just annoyed. How can you have such great kids and have such little regard for them? I don't get it. 

But not a word will come from me. I am doing like my mom did. She said not a peep of a bad word to me about my dad. I learned about him all on my own. And I'm glad because then I knew what I was seeing was real and not the result of any spitefulness.

Ok rant over...

My son's dad can be a selfish ass too! Ian thinks the sun shines out of his ass!

Just to let you know you are not alone and I feel for you and your daughters!

Nik
Glad you ranted here, and zip the lips for the kids.  They'll turn out better that way.
Take care

sorry that you are going thru this....you just keep doing what you are doing, your girls will someday realize what their dad is doing and will hold him accountable for that...but they will always respect you for not dogging thier father, even tho you can, and you have the right to have those feelings...you just be there for when they finally realize how their father really is..
good luck
debby

For whatever it's worth, I think you're handling it well.  The kids will figure out what kind of a dad he is, and you'll be there to comfort them and show them what a good parent does.

 Your one good Momma!

:(  I'm sorry your kids' dad isn't being a very good one.  And I'm sorry that they'll eventually find out what he's like and you'll be left to pick up the pieces and mend their tender hearts.

My mom was like you and it didn't take long once I was old enough to figure out what my dad was really like. You are doing the right thing.

 At least your kids have you in their lives--far better to have a loving, caring parent in their everyday lives. They'll eventually see what kind of person he really is soon enough. And once they make that connection, then they can decide how to have him involved (or not involved) in their lives. 

Sorry you have to deal with this, Nic.  I can relate, don't understand as a parent why some Dads (and Moms) can act like this, sigh.  My boys deal with it also; they do see their Dad at his convenience.....:(