Why I love "haters"

This is yet another “things my mom/grandma taught me.Â"

I said this in response to another post but I wanted to say it more widely. This was in response to the blocking/bullying/____ drama posting.

Whenever we don't like what someone says here, we have this standard issue advice that goes, "if you don't like what XPERSON says, block them!"

While it is everyone’s right to block whomever they want for whatever reason they deem necessary, one thing I was always taught growing up is that you stand to learn a LOT from your adversaries. I think my grandma’s exact words were, “You learn more about you from your enemies than from your friends.Â"

As a general rule I find this to be true. While your friends do “have your backÂ" they also toggle the responsibility of relationship management when they are giving you advice or counsel. In short, if they were your friend before, part of their interest is STAYING your friend so that may affect how they relate to you, which version of the truth they give you and how forthcoming they are about your character defects (and lovely as we all are, we ALL have character defects).

Your adversaries (I don’t like the word enemies…it implies eternal hatred and I’m just not into that), on the other hand, don’t bear that same responsibility. They are free to tell you exactly how they see you (which, in all fairness, COULD be how the entire rest of the world sees you) without worrying about your little feelings. There’s some honesty in that that is valuable.

For my part, I am mostly aware of my character defects. I’m loud. I’m egotistical. I think way too much of myself. I have a sense of grandeur that isn’t QUITE schizophrenic but is pretty damn close and I am hard-headed (feel free to add to that list as you see fit). I know these things because so-called frenemies and enemies have taught me such. They were not as nice in their wording, of course, but my assessment comes from actually thinking about criticisms leveled against me instead of immediately dismissing them as “haterade.Â"

What’s my point in all this?

While you can block someone, and you should if you feel like you can’t handle their words or if someone is being threatening to you (in which case I’d say block AND report them), consider whether or not you stand to learn something from your adversaries. You very well could.

Many of us come into this process somehow believing in our hearts (even though our academic minds know differently) that the ONLY thing wrong with us is our weight. The only thing off is our diet. As we go through this process, one of THE most valuable things I have found about this very board is that people will show you quick, fast and in a hurry that this is NOT true. You got some issues. Yes you. And the people on this board will show you those issues faster than you can blink an eye.

And it would behoove you to take heed. Not because you need to get along with these people on this board. But because you have to LIVE IN YOUR OWN SKIN for life and those same issues that we pick up on here are issues that may eventually lead you straight back to the behavior that got you on that table to begin with.

Just some food for thought.

Precisely the reason I don't hold grudges or block those who disagree with me in a discussion or debate...

I have one person blocked - not because she has upset me in any way or because I dislike her but because her daily posts don't add anything to my life, and she doesn't seem to post on anything but her specialist subject.

I think that if you are a sensitive being, then consider blocking untill you calm down and then consider unblocking so you can get the benefit of that poster's wisdom - particularly if they are regular contributors.

What is rude is to block someone and then talk about them - if you block them, give them the courtesy of NOT referring to them again!!!!

 Yeah and it's kind of cowardly to talk about someone and not give them the opportunity to respond.

My grandma would have called that "petty." My mom however would say "that's some punk ass bull****!" (My mother wanted so badly to be ghetto...God rest her soul...)

Honestly did not mean to cause drama...

Having said that now, I love your post. It is food for thought... I've only blocked one person ever on here and that was because they sent me a private message asking for things that they should not have been asking... I laugh at that request now..

I am sorry I even posted my rant a while back. I do read almost all the posts and I don't reply to them all but trust me the responses that I think might apply to me go into my "memory bank" and those that I think might not apply go get looked over. I have learned alot from many people on this board. I hope to continue learning from them on this board.

I know that I have "issues and/or triggers" that set me off. Some of the make me madder than a hornet and others make me just hungry. So I am learning through this process and learning how to deal with each issue/trigger.

Again, thanks for your post.

Nik, you are spot on. I have dedicated my blog to my personal growth and having things said to me that maybe aren't pleasant or something I don't want to hear, even if it's really painful, can be a tremendous opportunity for growth. This hasn't happened yet in relation to my blog, but it has in other situations throughout my life.

Thanks for saying this. I think it's something we can all learn from.

Nik, you are so articulate...i enjoy your posts so much, and they are so very informative and inspiring...thank you...i dont post much at all on these boards but have learned loads from all of you that are here for us "newbies" everyday

 I'm Loved!!!