OT- just me complaining about my back again

If you're tired of reading my complaints about my back, I don't blame you.  Feel free to skip this post.  I'm tired of dealing with my back, too.

I went grocery shopping today.  Lately my partner has been doing most of the shopping because it bothers my back but he was sick on his day off this week so I said I would do it.  But I am thinking I will not be doing it again until something is done to improve my back problems.

By the time I had everything on my list in my cart, my back hurt so much I felt sick.  Like, breaking out in a cold sweat, feeling like throwing up, kind of sick.  Just walking around the store is painful but bending over to pick up items on  low shelves is really difficult.

By the time I had my stuff rung up and bagged, I was having painful muscle spasms in my back and my legs were shaking.  I couldn't wait to get to the car to sit down.

Now I am home and have taken pain meds and at least the spasms have stopped.  I only brought in the stuff that has to go in the fridge.  My partner will have to carry in the rest of the groceries when he gets  home.  I haven't even put the stuff away in the fridge yet, though.  I had to sit down for a while first.

I really hate that it is getting harder and harder to do things.  I don't like feeling dependent on other people.  It leaves me feeling guilty for not doing things myself and for having to bother other people about doing things for me.

I am of the opinion that a person should only feel guilty about things for which they are actually guilty. You didn't choose to have such a messed up back, so I would recommend you give yourself a bit of a break.   It's not something you can help, and you are trying to do something about it.

I had a point in my life where I could not walk, drive, or anything without severe pain in my back.  I also hated having to be dependent on people, but I had no choice.  The nice thing about most people, especially loved ones, is that if they know you really need them they don't mind reaching out a helping hand.  So let them.  I'm sure you will reciprocate in some way when, in the future, they need your help with something.

I really hope you get some relief soon.

I agree that people should only feel guilty about things they are actually guilty of... but I have issues.  I have a tendency to feel guilty about just about everything.  I am in therapy.  I am working on it.  I realize it makes no sense to feel guilty about things like this and most of the time I'm a pretty logical person.  Logic just doesn't seem to work for me here, though.

It's difficult to be logical when you're in constant pain.   I was very down and particularly whiny when I had my six weeks of hell.  I hope you are able to get some relief with your guilt issues through your therapy.

You help so many people on this forum and you seem to me to be a very good person, not that I know you personally.  I hope you think good things about yourself on a daily basis.  :)

  

Kelly, I know you have tried about everything for this, but have you tired a massage therapist?  Sometimes it will take a few sessions to start to feel a difference.  Do you use a back brace too?

I would love a massage therapist but that's really not in my budget and my insurance wouldn't pay for it.

I tried a back brace the last time I saw my orthopedic doc.  He said it should provide immediate relief because it would support weak back muscles.  Well, it did not provide immediate relief.  I walked around the office, sat down, stood up, etc and my back felt the same as it always does.  He suggested I go ahead and get the back brace and said maybe in time it would start to help.  I decided not to, though, because he's already said it should help immediately and it didn't.  My insurance would cover a portion of it but I would still have to pay $80 for it.  I would spend $80 if I thought it was going to help, but at that point I didn't think it was likely to help.

I have an appointment with a new specialist Monday and I will ask about a brace and see what that doc thinks.

ask again about massage therapy and your insurance too.  I notice more insurance companies are paying for it if your Dr advises it as an option.

Sounds to me like there's more going on with your back than you may even know about. I hope the new doctor your going to is a back specialist. As I said last night, I've been through pretty much the same thing. I was completely mistreated for 6 years before I decided to see a specialist and that was the best thing I ever did. Like I said I had the nerve endings cauterized and a steroid injection. That was at least a year and a half ago and I may get an occasionally dull ache in my lower back if I have really pushed it but that's it. No more spasms, no more stop me in my tracks shooting pains, none of that. I really wish you the best of luck when you see the new doc.

As far as the guilt feelings, I also completely understand that. On top of the back issues, I have 3 forms of arthritis, fibromyalja, degenerative joint disease and restless leg syndrome. I am currently getting over a 10 week long flair up of my rheumatoid arthritis. At the peak of it, I could walk, dress myself and had a hard time feeding myself. If it were not for my husband I don't knoe how I would have gotten through it. He did it all and he always does. I find myself apologizing to him all the time. I just turned 50 and in my mind I should be able to take care of myself completely. Reality is that I can't always. A bout a week ago, as I was once again apologizing to him, he said "I married you for better or worse and who knows, someday you may be changing my diapers". I never thought of it that way before he said it. He does it because he loves me and know that I would do it for him. So try to quit beating yourself up so bad and except the help from thoese who care about you. They obviously do it because they care.

Okay, I shut up now, but agaian, good luck at the doctor!

The new doc is a back specialist at the Cleveland Clinic.

As far as I know, all that is wrong with my back is degenerative disc disease in two disc in the lower back.  That's all the MRI showed.

Check any schools you have nearby that teach massage.  I was able to get an hour long massage for $30 and then the other day I was looking in Craigslist and found a massage therapist that had a first time special for $20 for an hour.  Not really in my budget but he really helped.  As if I don't have enough problems with my head and neck my shoulder started hurting, too.  That has hardly hurt since my massage.  If nothing else I had relief during that hour.
I know what you mean about the pain.  It's about 2 months for me and I still don't know why and no treatment.  They gave me Gabapentin but I didn't like it and I decided I don't want to be on it.  I gained about a pound a day the 3 days I was on it.  I refuse to take meds that cause weight gain any more unless my life pretty much depends on it.  I was on medication when my 100 lb regain happened and I don't want to go through that again.
You are lucky you have help.  I have my daughter but she is pretty useless.  The best I can hope for with her is that she will give me a break and not make any demands on me when I am feeling really bad.