OT/mini rant - Are you a balcony or basement person??

I got to thinking about this morning as I was walking my son to kindergarten. I have been on these boards since Septemberish. I have experienced awesome support and encouragement. And I have experienced some not so awesome responses. This is what I am getting at: I have not had surgery...YET. But that doesn't mean we (newbies) are not knowledgeable or our comments are not creditable. I personally rely on this forum to get support, encouragement, uplifting words, tips, and to be allowed to vent my frustration. There are veterans who may ask questions that sound as if the may have forgotten the "rules" about WLS. Or sound like newbies themselves.
People *****spond positively, encouraging, supportive, non-judgemental are balcony people. They raise you up. They give advice without criticizing. You don't feel bad for even asking the question you did in the first place. They may respond, "Hey..that really stinks that you are experiencing that. In my experience... I know you can get through this. You are doing great." Or how about: "dang it...you ate something not so great yesterday. Today is another day. Don't look back..keep moving forward. If it helps, my daily food plan looks something like this...You can do this."
Basement people may respond like, "You know that eating those fries are what made you obese in the first place. You need to make better food choices." Or "Who told you that? That is bad advice. MY doctor says... My NUT says... You need to do this..." These kind of responses may not make you feel you are not getting the support you are seeking. You may feel like an idiot, or not valued. You may not seek advice again. Those responses bring you down: basement people. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying everything should be sugar coated or nicey-nice, or all smiley faces. But can we all be a little more like balcony people when we respond to others????

Like!! 

Well, I won't tell someone they are doing great if I don't think they are.  I won't tell them I know they can get through something if I don't really know that.  Some people may feel it's helpful to be told they are doing great even if they aren't, but I feel it's dishonest of me to say that.  I won't lie to anyone here, even if it would make them feel good if I did.  I don't believe in lying.

I've never told anyone that eating fries (or any other food) is what made them obese in the first place, because I don't believe any one got obese from eating one order of fries (or one cookie, etc).  But I see nothing wrong with suggesting someone make better food choices.  And I do ask who told someone something if they say they were told something totally inaccurate.  That seems like a logical question to me.  But I sure don't expect all people to follow my doctor's advise.  That would no make any sense at all.

I guess I don't fit into your balconey or basement.  And I'm not going to try to be more like your balconey people.  I'm going to continue being honest and direct and providing the best, most factual information I can provide for people.

Kelly...I totally hear what you are saying. And I don't believe in lying either. And this isn't MY balcony or basement. It was just an analogy. I respect your opinions and advice. You are an honest person with good intent. Maybe that's the difference??? I feel you are not trying to tear someone down or toot your own horn. I actually consider you a "balcony" person. I ALWAYS read your posts. You have no idea how much you have helped me.

We've had this discussion quite a few times here. Tone doesn't convey well on the Internet. Lots of our folks here are kind, caring, and direct. Their advice may sound harsh or basement-ish( I heart inventing words), but that doesn't mean they are trying to put anyone down.

I kind of like giving the fluffy bunny love hearts and rainbows response, but lots of folks don't. And lots of them don't want to hear it either.

Sometimes I find it best to ask for gentleness if that is what you need. We have some famously direct folks here who are quite helpful. The spoonful of sugar with medicine just isn't their style.

Veterans wouldn't be here if they didn't care.

you are right..tone is tuff to get it right on the internet. And that is a great point...ask for gentleness if that's what you need. Happy day!

I agree to a point.  I usually try to be constructive..... but once in a while, someone will post something like "I stopped by McD's on the way home from my surgery and now I have a tummy ache...."  There's just no nice reply. 

Your response made me laugh! Very true...what do you say to that?!

 I like to think I'm a ground floor person. Trying to stay in the middle..being neither too harsh or too rainbowish.
I do prefer a balcony while on a cruise ship though.
Deb T.

There ya go!!!! When I hit my goal weight I want to go on a cruise.
And just to add a little something...I don't think a balcony person is rainbowish, or too cheery, just a positive, inspiring person. We all have our days (in my case, my moments). Have a great day Deb. Thanks for sharing.