I need some help

Another thing you might want to look into is Cymbalta.  It is an anti-depressant, but it is also prescribed for patients with chronic pain.  If you are haivng depression and anxiety along with the back pain, Cymbalta could help those as well.

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/fda-approves-cymbalt a-for-the-management-of-chronic-musculoskeletal-pain-1067365 18.html 

I know I sound like a commercial...  I have no financial interest in it, though, really!  

I used Cymbalta in the past for a different issue, and I found it to be quite effective.  I don't use it now.

I hope you can get some help to feel better soon.

I am using Cymbalta now for my back pain. For me it keeps it under control until I over do it and then I'm in the same boat as Kelly.

Kelly, if I think of something else, I'll message you. The only thing I can think of is medical buses that pick up people to take them to appointments and then bring them home.

I've never been accused of being wise. Wordy, yes, wise? no! But I do relate a LOT with the pain thing. There's something in society that makes it (in my brain) inherantly shaming that we have to ask for MORE pain meds. I saw my spine specialist going on two months ago, and she and I agreed that I had to see my PCP to re-evaluate my pain control regimen, and yet it took almost three weeks before I had the courage to call and make an appointment! I was having extraordinary pain for a while there and was using my Norco more frequently than prescribed so I ran out before the refill date. I've tried to be BETTER at using the pain meds now, and since my shot-to-the-head my pain HAS been better. Still not controlled, but better. I've only had three or four days where I've taken three of my Norco instead of the prescribed two. Which means that when  see my doc again I'll be out of those entirely.

But the pain thing it's so hard -- for me -- to deal with the mental aspects... the shame and the sense of being "bad" for taking a few extra. Part of me thinks that the doc should just tell me to go cold turkey and be done with it.

I've even been in the same position you're in.... I've taken my pain meds for the day, and so I look at my array of vitamins and pain meds, and I think to myself, WHAT else can I do? I had some anti-inflammatory patches from last year, and I thought I'd try them for a bit, since my stress levels are not nearly as bad as other times in my life. After my second dose, I knew my stomach lining was getting irritated and if I took even one more dose it would go from a pre-ulcer to an ulcer.

I do understand a lot of what you are feeling. I think you SHOULD re-schedule, and PLAN the trip with a map or otherwise empower yourself so that there is no way you can get lost. Even make the journey in advance wth your partner if possible, so you know the way. For me I have to face my PCP and talk to him about how I've been going against teh prescription (not by much, but it's still a huge issue in my mind).... so you have to face the issues that losing your way triggered for you, and perhaps by facing and overcomng them, you'll empower yourself. Just like my visit to my PCP.... he's a great guy, he has a lot of true human level understanding and compassion for his patients, and I KNOW he's not going to make me feel bad (I hope!) but it's still hard to face him. But I must do it if I want to get a better pain management regimen set up.

One other thing... Elevil (Amitryptaline) is one of my meds, I take it for neuralgia instead of as an antidepressant, and it does wonders. Cuts the pain in half

I was prescribed Ellavil once, years ago, to prevent migraines.  It made me hallucinate.  It was horrifying.

 Long shot but have you tried massage therapy for your back and relaxation therapy for your anxiety?

Everyone else has covered the things I would have said, but I just wanted to remind you that people with PTSD react differently to anxiety and fear that people who DON'T have PTSD (for anyone who cares, it has to do with disruption of the normal response of the frontal cortex of the brain after the amygdala gets the chemicals pumping in repose to anxiety/fear), so becoming overwhelmed and unable to find the place once the anxiety started is NOT because you are stupid, it is simpy because part of your brain was overwhelmed with hormones/chemicals and another portion was not functioning fully... a double whammy in terms of logical thinking.

If I had not just taken so much time off of work the past two weeks with my "anniversary" nonsense, I would come up and take you to Cleveland, but I already pushed things pretty far with my absences, especially after already missing a lot of time while in the hospital amd recovering from the elevated INR, nosebleed, broken bone thing in February.

Hang in there, talk to your therapist, explore other possibilities for doctors that are closer, and tell the little voice that is calling you stupid and undeserving to STFU!

Lora

Thanks, Lora.  I wasn't really thinking about how the PTSD would affect the anxiety.

Kelly, let me suggest a couple of things.

Make another appointment. Drive up the night before and stay in a hotel. Ask for specific directions for parking and landmarks to get you into their building/office. It will be well worth the money and will spare you tremendous stress.

Connect with your therapist - good move!

Take a big breath, square your shoulders, and be patient with yourself. Pain does wacky things to us. So does stress. Take whatever small steps you can...

Staying in a hotel would be a good idea.  i'm not sure if it's affordable right now.  But I'll look into it.  Thanks.